Spinoff: How do you respond to "why don't you want kids?"

posted 4 years ago in Married Life
  • poll: How do you respond to "why don't you want kids?"
    Love kids, but they're not for me : (22 votes)
    20 %
    I don't think I'd be a good parent : (9 votes)
    8 %
    Your kids are so irritating that it turned me off to having them : (28 votes)
    26 %
    I have a medical issue and cannot have children : (13 votes)
    12 %
    Something else. Please explain. : (37 votes)
    34 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2147 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    FI and I aren’t CFBC, but I can’t imagine the endless questioning that would occur if we didn’t have kids in our future…..I feel like, no matter what, some schmuck is gonna want to give you their $.02 about why you neeeeeed children. I can be superstitious sometimes and lying by saying you’re medically unable wouldn’t sit well with me, but would be a conversation ender. My family has started asking me when we’ll be ready, and I flat out say “I just really don’t like little kids”….because I really don’t. Usually, when I say that, people shut up. Maybe just “I don’t want to be a mommy” would be sufficient, sometimes? 

     

    Post # 4
    Member
    9000 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    “Because I like sleeping in and not hemorrhaging away every dollar I’ve ever earned. Cleaning up barf, snot and shit just doesn’t sound fun.”

    Post # 5
    Member
    609 posts
    Busy bee

    I have very private reasons that feed into my decision but honestly, I hate children. It isn’t just a dislike. I loathe everything about them. I can’t imagine anything worse than being around one every second of my life. 

    I also don’t mind telling people this. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    130 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    Just ask them why they decided to have kids. I think they should be able to justify that more than you should have to justify not having children. 

    Or just say you don’t want them, that’s it, end of conversation. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    2147 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @MissFemmeFatale:  You made me LOL. Lately, I’ve been having serious kid hate. I teach high school and wish I could just birth a 16 year old to avoid the annoying little kid crap…although birthing a 16 year old would be terrible for the lady parts. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    4607 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    I voted that I don’t think I’d be a good parent, that some kids are so irritating I’m turned off to them and that I have medical issues, although I am not sure about my fertility. 

    However, when people ask, depending on the person, I just say that we just aren’t there yet. Saying you don’t want kids, especially in the south where it’s expected, only opens up a can of worms that I don’t want to get into. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    634 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @mseagles:  The bottom line, I hate kids!!

    Post # 10
    Member
    693 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2014 - Legare Waring House

    I tell people that I have a medical issue…which is partially true. I have issues, but no one has ever told me I can’t have kids. However, that usually gets people off your back.

    ETA: Except your mother, who knows better. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    561 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2016

    Augh. People can be so pushy about this. I usually just say, “Because I have zero interest in being a mother.” When I was six-ish years old I learned what infertility was, and I remember laying in bed one night, hoping that I would be infertile when I grew up. I thought that it was the only way to get out of having kids! I hope I don’t offend anyone who’s struggling to conceive, but now that I’m older, I wish that I could give away my fertility to someone who really wants kids. Partially to help a girl out, but partially to shut up anyone who pressures me into talking about my own personal choice to remain child free just so they can judge me for it. 

    Does anyone else feel like people who have children get weirdly and overly persuasive and or/defensive when they find out you don’t want children? Almost as if your decision to be CFBC invalidates their decision to have children?

    Post # 12
    Member
    2955 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 1998

    I have children but I would never ask anyone why they don’t want them it’s soooo RUDE.

    Tell them you want a life I’m sure they won’t like that response or I don’t want to ruin my body hehehe !!

    Post # 13
    Member
    1098 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    I usually just go with the truth which is that I’d rather be waterboarded than have to give birth and raise a child. If I feel like I’m speaing to an especially delicate flower who probably can’t handle the truth I’put it a little less bluntly and say something like “I’m not a big fan of children.”

    Post # 14
    Member
    307 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2015

    Found this gem in another of the recent Bee threads:  “I’ll have them when someone else pays for them.”

     

    I respect people who decide not to have kids.  They’re doing what’s best for themselves (more money and less stress for sure!) and what’s best for any kids they might have had.  Having a kid out of some kind of obligation to society does that kid no favors.  I work with kids, and some parents couldn’t give two figs what their kids get up to.  It’s heartbreaking.

     

    Post # 15
    Member
    337 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Okay, so I voted for what I WANT to say to people – “your kids are so irritating that it’s turned me off to having them.”  But what I REALLY say is that we are just so busy and have so many goals and aspirations that having kids would get in the way of (time-wise and monetary-wise).

    Post # 16
    Member
    114 posts
    Blushing bee

    This is my pat answer whenever asked a personal question I don’t want to discuss.

    “I consider that a private matter and don’t want to discuss it.” 

    People can be incredibly nosey and I have learned to shut them down.

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