(Closed) **Spinoff** Ages and when you're considered an adult

posted 4 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 3
Member
1193 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Eh, I think 18 year old kids are kids and honestly, I don’t think any high schooler should be jailed for an intimate relationship with another high schooler.  To me, it’s crazy.  

I’ve never met an 18 year old in my life who I thought was mature enough to get married… or probably even a 22 year old.  Nor would I refer to them as men or women.  (Flame away).  Your brain isn’t even fully developed by those ages, so it’s no shocker to me that the divorce rate is higher, because it’s crazy to think two people could possibly grow in the same way at the same time.  

Post # 4
Member
668 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Um… by 18 years old I had two years of college and a marriage under my belt. I like to think I was a grownup.

Post # 5
Member
2809 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

i think it depends on each individual person.

i know 18 year old boys who i consider adults. i also know 30 year old men who aren’t adults. same with women and girls. i think maturity has to do with a lot of factors.

Post # 7
Member
758 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I think you are a grown up when you live on your own, support yourself (at least mostly), and can legally drink and smoke cigarettes.

For most people I know, that means after college, so 21 or 22? 

Post # 9
Member
6361 posts
Bee Keeper

Two issues: “adult” means a lot of different things (and with each meaning, the appropriate age will vary), and, with age differences in couples, proportions rather than absolutes are what matter.

“Age of consent” laws are meant to be protective of our kids/youth and I’d rather they be over-protective than under-protective, but the hard age line rule is obviously chosen for simplicity, rather than because it is always the most logical.

I do find 15 and 18 years old a bit of a stretch in age difference. It doesn’t horrify me, but it’s eyebrow-raising. In contrast, 25 and 28 is not remotely eyebrow-raising. 35 and 38? Yawn, there’s no story there, they’re virtually “the same age.” Why? Because in each progressive case, the 3-year difference takes up proportionately less of their overall lives.

19 and 68? Legal, perhaps. Horrified? Yes, I absolutely am. The difference in ages is many times over 100% of the younger person’s entire life!

As for when someone is old enough to marry, that’s a controversial topic and I don’t really know if we are even allowed to get into it on the bee (criticising wedding choices). Personally I wouldn’t advise marrying until at least 25, and waiting until 30 would be ideal. That’s my opinion.

Post # 10
Member
1193 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@Chrysoberyl:  I graduated high school early and certainly was not in kindergarten at age 2.  Depending upon your high school, skipping grades, and your ability to take courses over the summer (some schools offer this to get ahead, not just for those behind), it’s quite possible to graduate early.  Not to mention, community colleges generally allow students with certain GPA requirements to take college courses at the same time as their high school studies.

Also, I’m not knocking anyone’s relationship.  There are plenty of people who begin dating young and end up married happily for a lifetime.  However, statistically, those that marry young have a greater chance of divorce than someone who waits a few years.  To me, I think it’s smart to wait until you’re an adult, have been out on your own, etc. before marrying and most people at 18 have not.  I lived on my own at 18 and had been in college for awhile, but I certainly was not an adult.  I’m under no illusions about my maturity level at that age 🙂

Post # 11
Member
668 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@Chrysoberyl:  Absolutely, I think it’s very subjective. I was merely stating my own thoughts. I feel like *I* was an adult at 18. An adult with LOTS to learn, but an adult none the less. Did anyone want to take me seriously? Probably not, but it didn’t change the fact that I had to take care of insurances, a household, and other normal things other married adults deal with.

No, I just felt like high school was a waste of time so I figured if I had to be in class for the next two years anyways, why not make it college? Took a GED test and got to work after sophomore year. (don’t flame, don’t hate. Just how I felt and what I did.)

Post # 12
Member
2809 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Chrysoberyl:  i feel the same way. in my mind, an 18 year old with a 16 year old is not a problem, if it’s consensual. sorry, that’s just silly. it’s a 2 year age difference. i don’t see the big deal. now, if that 16 year old was involved with a 25 year old or a 30 year old or a 50 year old, or maybe even a 21 year old, that’s where it becomes an issue. even the 21 year old is fuzzy (i was with a 20 year old when i was 17.. but i was a mature 17). i dunno. i think people jump to conclusions.

Post # 13
Member
1125 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Well there is a difference between young adults and adults. I consider young adults kids mentally and often refer to them as such and my husbands always saying “He’s 19, he’s an adult now” but the fact is, no matter how much you are maturing or have matured you have a long way to go. Heck at 26 I know I have a long way to go still. But the difference from just 22 to 25 is amazing how much you grow mentally.I’m sure 25-30 will be the same and so on.

At 18 years old you are an adult but you are a young adult and you are just now at the stage of learning what it is to be an adult. And I know the whole “Well I had to act like an adult growing up” and used it myself when I was 18, more mature than my fellow peers and thought I was ready to run off get married and start life. But it wasn’t so easy and I ended up a single mother running from an abusive ex husband at the age of 22. But I was mature for my age, I was smart and all of that, but at 18 you still have (albeit not as extreme) the mentality of a teenager where you know everything, you know better than the rest and your reaction is often times led by emotions and not serious thinking. Definately not all the time but your emotions still very much have a controling factor in your behavior.

You have to kind of get knocked down a few times in the “real world” before you can start to understand what being an adult is all about and that it’s not the age that determines if you are an adult or not but it’s the way you react in situations, it’s the way you live your life and the decisions you make and taking responsibility for those decisions. Heck I know some 50 year olds that I wouldn’t consider an adult.

At 18 you should be punished as an adult for crime because part of being an adult is taking responsibility for your actions. But learning that is part of becoming an adult, part of the young adult lifestyle.

Post # 14
Member
7200 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

My issue is with people flaunting the law.  If you don’t agree with the law- then work to have it changed.  Until then, sex between a 15 and 18 year old is illegal.  You KNEW that going into it- why suddenly are you surprised when you get charged with something?  Does the law not apply to you?

Post # 16
Member
1042 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I think at 18 one should ideally have enough life knowledge to know the consequences of their actions if they are obvious, immoral, or illegal. In that sense, I think they should know, although not fully understand, not to have sex with much younger minors, not to drink and  drive, and not to physically hurt others.

However, at 18 there is still a lot of personal growth and reflection to be done. Things like relationships, friendships, and wisdom never stop growing. I suppose I see the level of maturity needed to drive, or smoke cigarettes different than the level of maturity needed to know oneself and make sound relationship decisions.  

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