(Closed) Spinoff: Are you offended by Mrs. John Doe?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Which would you prefer (even if you're not married, vote on how you'd prefer if you were)
    I'm traditional -- leave my first name off (Mr. and Mrs. John Doe) : (160 votes)
    41 %
    My name better be on there! -- Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Doe : (148 votes)
    38 %
    combo -- don't separate his name -- Mr. John Doe and Mrs. Jane Doe : (26 votes)
    7 %
    combo -- put me first! --- Mrs. Jane Doe and Mr. John Doe : (11 votes)
    3 %
    I have a different last name than hubby so doesn't apply : (44 votes)
    11 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    506 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I don’t mind it. I was too happy to care anyway!

    Post # 4
    Member
    813 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 1969

    We just did “Jane and John Doe”

    Post # 5
    Member
    6512 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I voted “My name better be on there!”  I am adamant about this – I have never, ever consented to giving my entire name up (or any of it, really – I kept my old last name as a second middle).  I’d do all invites in the same fashion, unless you don’t know the lady’s first name (which happened for one of our invitees, and made me feel awkward and sad).

    Post # 6
    Member
    3000 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    Mr. & Mrs. John Doe. I took his last name and I’m very traditional in that sense. I don’t see why people get offended by this!

    Post # 7
    Member
    334 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2013

    I’m a feminist, and while I wouldn’t necessarily be offended by it, my strong preference is to have my name written on invitations. However, my mom is deeply offended by any mail she receives that says Mr. and Mrs. Dr. John Doe, and she’s likely to ignore anything she receives that doesn’t have her name on it as well. I’m a little worried about how I will address invitations, as it is hard for me to know how some of the couples, particularly older couples, prefer to be addressed.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1098 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    I’m not going to be changing my name but if I was I would be offended by Mr. and Mrs. John Doe. I’m still a person in my own right, not just an extension of my husband. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    6015 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: March 2012

    The first options is incorrect … it should say .. Mr & Mrs. John Doe… if it’s traditional.  It’s an outside of an envelope, I’ll look at it for 1sec before I rip into it, so i’m guessing i won’t even notice.

    Post # 10
    Member
    13073 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I’m traditional.  I would want it to be Mr. and Mrs. John Doe.  But I’m really old school.

    Post # 11
    Member
    2697 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I’m  not traditional, but I wrote them the traditional way. I figure if people are upset about the lack of their first name…well, thats part of what happens when you take your husband’s last name! (And why I didn’t)

    Post # 12
    Member
    6512 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @Mrs. Fireworks:  It is a very individual decision, I think.  To me, the offense is that the wording makes it seem like my identity has been overtaken by his, which is simply not the case. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    3175 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I really like the traditional, unless the woman keeps her maiden name. I think of us as a social unit, and I really don’t feel like receiving cards like this means I’ve given up my identity or anything. I respect people who wouldn’t address invitations like that, but I think getting overly up in arms over it when other people do it is a little excessive. I suppose if you wanted to be kind of traditional, but slightly more modern, “Mr. & Mrs. Doe” without any first names listed would be best.

    Post # 14
    Member
    11366 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    I think you have an error in your poll options. I believe you intented the first, traditional option to read: “Mr. and Mrs. John Doe” and not “Mr. and Mrs, Jane Doe.”  Is that correct?

    I am traditional, and I am very happy to be addressed (in our case) as the equivalent of “The Reverend and Mrs. John Doe” or even “Mrs. John Doe.” 

    However, like @sarahbabs:, my maiden name is very important to me, and I took my maiden name as my new middle name (unlike her, I was unable to keep both and dropped my given middle name), and professionally, I go by the equivalent of “Jane Smith Doe.”

    Post # 15
    Member
    7719 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    We omitted Mr and Mrs altogether for most people: “John and Jane Doe”

    Yes an invitation without my name on it at all does “grate” a little.

    Post # 16
    Member
    3092 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I didn’t think much of it and naturally wrote our Mr. and Mrs. Last Name for our Engagement Party invites, then I started doing the research and learned more about this business of addressing envelopes and when I was working on the STD’s I saw how much of a difference it makes to actually put a persons full name…I felt like it was much more respectful esp. since I consider the women attending my wedding to be strong women worthy of their first names on an envelope 🙂

    My two cents anyway.

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