(Closed) SPINOFF – Are young brides really so frowned upon?

posted 7 years ago in 20 Something
  • poll: Are you in support of young marriages?

    Under no circumstances would I support a marriage of individuals under the age of 23

    Under special circumstances I would consider supporting the marriage of individuals under 23

    I do support young marriages, but believe the couple must be completely financially stable

    Financial stability, and experience living independently are the only prerequisites for marriage

    I support young marriages unconditionally

    Other (please explain)

  • Post # 32
    Member
    9541 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    While I never would have considered it myslef, I will suport any marriage that isn’t abusive because I don’t see any benefit of being unsupportive. But I definitely think it is harder to know if it’s the right choice when you’re young. But the couple is ultimately the best ones who know themselves best.

    Post # 33
    Member
    470 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    View original reply
    @mademoisellesacha:  It is nice to hear about a married couple as young as yourself. One of the best things about it is that you have so much time in the future together.

    I love my husband so much and that is the only thing I wish we had more of as a newly married older couple — more time, more decades to look forward to. That is something we don’t have like you guys.

    Enjoy it.

    Post # 34
    Member
    203 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    My SO and I got legally married when I was 18 and he was 21. I am now almost 22 and he is almost 25 and we couldn’t be happier or in a better spot in our lives.

    Post # 35
    Member
    1149 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2015

    @PenultimateWhisk:  I read that post too and commented that unless there are huge red flags, she needs to give the girl the benefit of the doubt because being young doesn’t mean your marriage is doomed to fail. My Fiance and I will be in our late 20’s by the time we get married but we were both very sensible, mature, stable people in our early twenties too so I don’t think it would have made a huge difference.

    To be so black and white about it and take the stance that ‘no couple married young will make it work’ is just silly. Sure the rates for divorce may be higher but you have to treat every relationship as unique because they are.

    I will admit that when bees write posts asking questions about getting engaged and they and/or their SO sound insanely immature I have commented that maybe they need to take their time but I would never be so blatently judgemental. None of us know eachother personally and its silly to think you know whats best for someone you’ve never met.

    Post # 36
    Member
    283 posts
    Helper bee

    View original reply
    @Bunny_the_Bride:  Tahnk you 🙂 I have yet to find something that I will ‘miss out on’ due to being married, and I’m looking forward to having my best friend with me for all of my adventures. Married or not, he would be with me for them anyway. 

    Post # 37
    Member
    4113 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

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    @MrsN14:  If someone is 25 and not married they are looked down upon as not being able to find a husband and people start to think there’s something wrong with you. 

    well then I guess I’m totally damaged. I didn’t even meet DH until 3 weeks before I turned 36 and I was 38 when we got married. 


    But it’s also very easy to be financially independent and own a house before 23. 

    seriously??? Where??? Independent, maybe? Easy to own a house at 23?? Not anywhere I’ve lived, and I grew up in the Midwest When housing prices are stupidly high. 

    Post # 38
    Member
    3274 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    View original reply
    @Glasgowbound:  I said I didn’t agree with the first part but that’s how it is viewed. And for the house I don’t mean like have it totally paid off, but putting 20% down and paying the mortgage each month is definitely possible for a 21-23 year old on say a 150K house. Fiance and all of our friends purchased homes before 23 and do not receive any money from parents. 

    Post # 39
    Member
    470 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

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    @Glasgowbound:  I got married at 37 for the first time. Right there with you.

    Post # 40
    Member
    283 posts
    Helper bee

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    @MrsN14:  In Canada it’s rarely possible to find something in that price range, most first homes are at least 300,000$ and that’s often attached or more or less a large condo. Not everywhere has a market where that’s possuble, which is why I think it’s more uncommon at least in my corner of Canada to be younger than about 28 before tying the knot. 

    Post # 41
    Member
    1798 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I try not to judge any relationship, but as a 20 year old who is watching people get married at my age who just shouldn’t be I have to say that it does depend on the couple.

    I will be 22 when SO and I marry, and he will be almost 24. We’ve been together since I was 15 and he was 17, so we’ll have been together going on 7 years at the time of our wedding. We both chose separate schools for college, and although we wanted to move in together the day I graduated from HS we knew that was not the right decision unless we wanted to be living in a slum without any money. It was hard, but we waited until this past August to move into a very nice place together, and despite what his mother thinks, we are doing really well with our budgeting. We’re also planning for a future, and trying to make the right decisions for ourselves as a couple, and also our future children. We are not 100% financially independent yet since I am still receiving some money from my parents for school, but we will be before we are married because I couldn’t imagine my parents paying my car insurance after I am already married and thinking about a family!

    I have seen a few train wrecks happen. Including a girl who knew her SO was “the one.” They got married three months after HS graduation, and ended up divorced not even three months later. I see a lot of people who I’m like, “don’t do that, don’t do that, oh…you did that!” LOL

    Post # 42
    Member
    4113 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

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    @MrsN14:  can I move where you are? I grew up outside of Cleveland where a starter house will run you $110k or so. At 23, I was one year out of college, making less than 40k a year. There is NO WAY I would have had a down payment saved and probably wouldn’t have been able to pay a mortgage on my own and still afford a car payment and food and ulitities. 

    Post # 43
    Member
    1409 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I voted that I support young marriages unconditionally, because for me, it doesn’t come down to finances or independence. It comes down to making a conscious, educated decision to legally bind yourself to someone you want to spend the rest of your life with, instead of a purely impulsive one. 

    It’s weird to me how much opinions on ideal marriage age change. My FI’s parents were married at 19, and mine were 20 and 23, and they’re all still happy together. My sister married her high school sweet heart at 19, and it didn’t work out, and in her case, they were only engaged for 3 months, and I really don’t think she ever took a step back and said, “Wait. Am I ready for this?” 

    Fiance proposed when I was 22 and he was 24, and everyone we knew was very supportive. A couple of random people I talked about being engaged to said I was very young, but they don’t know me or my fiance. We just work so well together. We considered getting married last summer, when I would have been barely 23, but I’m glad we waited because generally you can only do the big wedding once. 🙂 But either way being married to him is more important than that.

    Post # 44
    Member
    3274 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    View original reply
    @Glasgowbound:  I might not have made it clear, but I’m definitely just talking about my area. Everyone in the area farms, most very profitable and pay their children very well. Most people work 80 hours a week but are paid well and don’t have much choice. They also buy and sell livestock which at times can be very profitable. It is not uncommon for a 22 year old to have 40-50K in the bank. I feel very fortunate that we have these opportunities, I was just saying that in my area it makes sense to be married fairly young but I understand that it’s not the case everywhere. 

     

    Post # 45
    Member
    122 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: November 2014 - Serafino Wines

    I voted ‘other’. I don’t think that complete financial stability should be a prerequisite for marriage. How many people can honestly say that they are 100% stable/comfortable with their finances? I also do not support young marriages unconditionally, just as I would not support any marriage unconditionally. That’s just silly.

    I am 22 (as is my FI) and we will be married this November. We are definitely not what I would define as financially stable as we still have a long way to go but at the same time, we are nowhere near broke. We are not struggling by any means and we are comfortably paying for a wedding and saving to buy a house within the next couple of years. By the time we get married, we will have been together officially for close to 3 years. We have known each other for almost 10 years now and have been close almost the entire time. We know that we want to be together so we don’t see the point in waiting to reach a certain age before we get married just because some people think it’s a bad idea or it didn’t work out for somebody once upon a time. The only negative comments we’ve had have been from rude, judgmental strangers. The response from both our families was absolutely excitement and ‘ABOUT TIME!!!’.

    Post # 46
    Member
    1680 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    @PenultimateWhisk:  I’m slightly offended by those who voted for your first option in your poll. As a degree-holding, full-time working, financially stable woman who is happily married (in a wonderful, supportive, balanced relationship of more than 7 years), how dare someone judge me merely by my age. It’s bad enough to judge others, but on age alone? Unwarranted, unnecessary, and absolutely inappropriate.  I’m very confident that my experiences and my relationship with my husband are far beyond that of many who marry at later years. Even if they weren’t… who has the right to judge me?

    The issue at hand shouldn’t be when people marry, but why they marry and what experiences garner that decision.

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