(Closed) SPINOFF – Are young brides really so frowned upon?

posted 7 years ago in 20 Something
  • poll: Are you in support of young marriages?
    Under no circumstances would I support a marriage of individuals under the age of 23 : (47 votes)
    14 %
    Under special circumstances I would consider supporting the marriage of individuals under 23 : (86 votes)
    26 %
    I do support young marriages, but believe the couple must be completely financially stable : (60 votes)
    18 %
    Financial stability, and experience living independently are the only prerequisites for marriage : (86 votes)
    26 %
    I support young marriages unconditionally : (39 votes)
    12 %
    Other (please explain) : (16 votes)
    5 %
  • Post # 47
    Member
    557 posts
    Busy bee

    There are always going to be people who are self-righteous who think their way is the only way… you know- the ones who dated the “perfect” amount of time at the “perfect” age and were engaged the “perfect” amount of time before they got married…

    They are the ones who will say “we got married at 25-anyone who gets married younger than 25 can’t possibly be in love” “we dated for 9 years, you can’t possibly know because you dated for one year” “She has been divorced twice, so this marriage is never going to last” I can go on and on forever.

    The truth is that whatever is right for me, may not be right for you. In my circle in the north east most of my friends who got married before 25 are divorced but whatever, I don’t know why all of them are divorced because I was not the one in the relationship. For me, I am glad that I didn’t marry before 30 because I happened to meet my perfect match later in life. Some people meet their match sooner. 

    People who place judgement are annoying.

    Post # 48
    Member
    2777 posts
    Sugar bee

    I think that when young brides are constantly seeking approval from others and trying to convince people that theres nothing wrong with getting married you g, it just shows their immaturity. Stop caring what other people think

    Post # 49
    Member
    3679 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    View original reply
    @Ninteenthchance:  Amen.

    I have a solitaire engagement ring. I’ve seen a bunch of threads about how people don’t like solitaires because they’re plain and ugly.

    My wedding dress had an illusion neckline. People have posted about how they don’t like that style and think it will be a fleeting trend that will look bad in pictures in 20 years.

    In the end, who gives a shit? I love my ring, I loved my dress. If you’re a young bride, you shouldn’t need to tell us how you have your shit together, or you’re so mature for your age, or that you and your fiance are definitely making the right choice. You just need to believe it yourself. These threads never end well because people have strong, individual opinions about this. Opinions of strangers on the internet shouldn’t get to you. If you’re happy and doing what you want, that’s all that matters.

    Post # 50
    Member
    576 posts
    Busy bee

    @PenultimateWhisk:  I think it depends on where you live, in terms of how people react towards young brides. 

    Conservative or more religiously devout areas tend to praise young brides while pitying all others. Liberal or less religious areas tend to pity young brides and praise others.

    Post # 51
    Member
    122 posts
    Blushing bee

    @PenultimateWhisk:  where I’m from its completely normal to get married after high school. I’m the freak being 26 and just now getting married most of my friends were married in their early 20s. Don’t worry about those who think you are too young. If your happy, financially stable, and committed why wait?

     

    Post # 52
    Member
    327 posts
    Helper bee

    If you are emotionally mature, and financially stable, I think you can go for it! but, I do see way too often people who are getting married at too young an age and it fails. I know of a case now. but, that being said, I will be 20 when I wed, and Fiance will be 25. We are both at the same level of maturity, he being mature for his age, and I way more mature for my age. I think if I was in a relationship with someone my age or younger, no way would I want to consider marriage until the guy was at least 23… The guys I’ve known were not mature enough to get married before then really.

    Post # 53
    Member
    349 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    This will flare up because everyone loves to give statistics on how everything will turn to shit.

    I got married at 19, and at 20 I’m 6 weeks away from having my first baby. DH and I are great and no regrets about getting married young.

    Old people get divorced too.. Provided you are secure and independant I see no reason to wait.

    Post # 55
    Member
    309 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I got married a month before my 22nd birthday and my dh was 23. We didn’t get a lot of judgement, only from those in their 30’s who didn’t know us well. Honestly though when I hear of young people getting married at the age I did I always think ” oh they are too young and not ready!” Which is stupid and hypocritical of me hahaha I’ve just always been an old soul. I worked full time in my field while studying since I finished highschool and had to work away and live in a mining camp so was forced to grow up quick. my dh and I bought our first house at 20 (me) and 22 (him) and now it is an investment property for us. I think if the couple is financially stable, living away from home and don’t rely on mummy and daddy then I don’t care. Even if they weren’t I still wouldn’t say anything because I know what it’s like to be judged. 

    Post # 56
    Member
    2085 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    I dunno  – I try not to judge people, but we all make judgements whether we mean to or not.  I guess it would all depend on the couple.  I have friends who got married at 20 bc she was pregnant (she says accidentally but totally not) they’d already been together 5 years.  Now, 10 years and 4 kids later they’re still together – although they’re far from the perfect marriage. 

    But then I have a cousin who would totally just want to get married for the fairy tale princess aspect… Actually I have a few cousins like this.  Early twenties and just want the fairy tale. If they told me they were engaged anytime soon, I’d be worried for them that they were getting ahead of themselves…majorly. 

    I think it can definitely work, but I  have to admit my immediate thought is usually a skeptical one if I don’t know the couple.  Which isn’t fair, but it’s just what immediately comes to mind when I hear it

    Post # 57
    Member
    4027 posts
    Honey bee

    @PenultimateWhisk:  DH and I were exactly like you two at your age. We had been together for a long time and could have married sooner, but we chose not to. We actually got married at 25 and 27 (just before our 10 year anniversary). 

    Why did we wait? For a variety of reasons, but most notably wanting to spend time figuring out who we were as individuals and as a couple. We changed a lot in college and especially more during our first 2-3 years in the work force. We were very fortunate to have grown together during that time, but I also know of other couples who grew apart during that time.

    The reality is that many people think they are the most “stable,” “mature,” “prepared” person they know in their age range. It might be true, but I also think we as human beings are quite biased. Obviously every couple is different and it truly is unpredicatable on some level. No one knows what the future holds and we have to make the best decisions we can with the information we have now. 

    Post # 58
    Member
    9831 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2019

    We got engaged when we were 21, will probably be 26 when we get married, due to having to have a long engagement based on schooling and other factors. But I would have been perfectly happy and eager to get married at 22 if we could afford to move in together as soon as we got engaged and I was working and had finished my schooling. But that was not possible so I will be more of an ‘acceptable’ age when we get married, but I certainly support and encourage young marriages! It depends on each couple though, whether they are ready to face the challenges of marriage or not.

    Post # 59
    Member
    857 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2016

    I feel like if the couple is mature, has been together a decent while, and has realistic expectations of what they are getting themselves into than its ok. Im 23 and I have been with SO since I was 20. Yes, we are young. But we have lived together for 7 months so far, are financially stable, educated, and realize that marriage isn’t an end point, its a begining!

    Post # 60
    Member
    766 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @PenultimateWhisk:  I don’t think that there’s really a qualifier for whether or not a marriage between a younger couple should be encouraged or discouraged.  I think it depends greatly on the individuals and the circumstances. I feel like when people find out that I’m 23 and engaged I get some interesting looks, but the thing is, Fiance and I are really well prepared to enter a marriage because:

    (1) He’s 26 and has been supporting himself financially since he finished college without a problem.

    (2) We know who we are and what our values are. What’s even better is that they align. 

    (3) We are doing a long engagement because I wanted to make my education my first priority and finish my master’s degree. 

    (4) We’ve been living together for a year. We know who we are getting into bed with so to speak. 

    (5) While I’m receiving money for living expenses from my parents as I’m on the job hunt (finished master’s in December), Fiance is able to support us both should nothing come to fruition. And he’s prepared for that scenario should it arise. 

     

    I think younger couples tend to go wrong when they don’t know who they are as individuals. I also think it’s a huge mistake to not live together before getting married. I know there are people who are morally opposed to it, but I’m very glad that it’s something we have done and that our families have been so supportive of. It’s also crucial to be open in your communication. If a “younger” couple is able to do all of this stuff, I don’t think they should be judged for their age. 

    Post # 61
    Member
    4424 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    The only relationship I care about is my own. My husband and I were together for 4 1/2 years before marrying, living together for 3 1/2. We were/are both 25 at the time of our wedding in December. It had nothing to do with turning 25, just when we felt it was right for our relationship. Get married when you’re ready to get married. My concern (for couples of any age, though I see this more with younger couples) is when they try to seek approval for their marriage. If you’re really ready for all marriage is (truly being committed to someone and willing to work together to build a life), you won’t need to ask anyone’s permission. 

    The topic ‘SPINOFF – Are young brides really so frowned upon?’ is closed to new replies.

    Find Amazing Vendors