(Closed) SPINOFF – Are young brides really so frowned upon?

posted 7 years ago in 20 Something
  • poll: Are you in support of young marriages?

    Under no circumstances would I support a marriage of individuals under the age of 23

    Under special circumstances I would consider supporting the marriage of individuals under 23

    I do support young marriages, but believe the couple must be completely financially stable

    Financial stability, and experience living independently are the only prerequisites for marriage

    I support young marriages unconditionally

    Other (please explain)

  • Post # 77
    Member
    477 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    It depends on the couple. I’ve been with Fiance for 8 years and knew he was always going to be in my life. It didn’t mean we never broke up and had our problems but we worked through them and are stronger now. I’m a totally different person then I was a year ago. The problem I feel is when a couple isn’t able to grown individually yet still balance a relationship with those changes. That goes for any age I have watched people in their 30s change and become different people. Life is a bout change. My Fiance and I have found the way that works for us so when other changes happen in our life together we can make it work. Divorce isn’t a option is our saying and one of the reasons we never really rushed to get married. In saying that I do agree there are some situations where if divorce is the best things then do it (esp if all method of tryign to make it work has failed). I will be 25 when I’m married FI will be 28 we don’t have all our finances together but every day that past we become more and more stable. I’m still in school and we both have many goals we want to reach. We just see it as working together and having that support system through it all. We’ll get to have our bestfriend and biggest support right by our side as it all happens.  I support marriage of any age (once your legal of course) as long as the couple is in it for the right reasons.

    Post # 78
    Member
    1678 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @PenultimateWhisk:  i certainly would never judge anyone else’s relationship – maturity comes in many different ages for many different people – and let’s be honest – when you “know” you just “KNOW” that you’ve found the one!

    i only encourage people in their early twenties who are considering marriage to be sure that they are happy with all they’ve experienced in life, and that they don’t feel as though they might look back and regret missing out on all they might have done in their twenties. i am 33 now, and getting married in may. i WAS engaged when i was 23, but after about 6 months of really thinking that decision through (plus the guy totally sucked and was in no way, shape, or form ready to be a husband), i decided to call it off, and did everything you could imagine in my twenties! i traveled, i dated, i partied, i figured out who i was as an individual, and it was the best time of my life.

    its different for everyone, but i like to put my experience out there because i’m glad it’s all gone the way it has.

    i wish you and your future husband all the love and happiness. from the way you have portrayed your life and the way things have been/will be going, you are certainly in the “mature” catagory for a couple your age! good luck to you both! 🙂

     

    Post # 79
    Member
    739 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I’m not judging anyone, but I will say that I was married young the first time (both of us 22), we both had our sh*t together and had good jobs, degrees, got married for all the “right” reasons, and it didn’t work out. Even though we were pretty mature in all areas of life and financially stable, we just weren’t ready for the sacrifice & hard work that comes with marriage. We also both changed a lot in our 20s, as is natural. Neither of us had a lot of life experience, so we didn’t know exactly what we needed in a partner, let alone how to communicate that. So when I look at someone getting married young, I just know that they have a hard road. I don’t regret my first marriage really as it’s part of who I am and my ex-husband is a good person, but getting married again now (me at 34, him at 39) I know that we are in a much better place, more able to communicate, put our egos aside and be open with each other, which I think is necessary for a long-term partnership. My soon-to-be husband and I needed years of living on our own to truly get to know ourselves in order to know and be able to communicate exactly what we need in a partner. 

    Post # 80
    Member
    1234 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I don’t see any purpose in being unsupportive or openly judgmental of couples who get married young, as long as everyone is making decisions like grownups and no one is being abused or controlled. People will do what people will do, and wasting time disapproving of others’ choices that do not directly affect me is not really my scene.

    However, I got married right before my 30th birthday. I absolutely shudder to think of what my life would have been like if I had married my high school or college sweethearts at an early age. This has little to do with my own financial or career stability (in terms of those responsibilities, I was an early bloomer). It’s more a question of emotional maturity and the kinds of choices I was making based on the life experiences & self-awareness I had (or didn’t have, as the case may be) at 22 vs at 30.

    But YMMV, hence the 1st paragraph about not judging stuff that has nothing to do with me.

    Post # 81
    Member
    1019 posts
    Bumble bee

    I do understand why some people are skeptical of young brides. I’d say that many people aren’t ready for marriage in their early twenties or earlier. But at the same time, relationships are way too unique to generalize.

    Also, I will say that if the couple consists of a man and a woman, that if anything, strangers would be more likely to be skeptical of a younger groom more than a younger bride. Although I am a 19 year old Bee (albeit one that isn’t ready to marry yet), the few users here who doubt that marriage would be right for me in 5 years or so seem more bothered by the fact that my DBF is a year younger than me. Yes, I admit that our age difference can be felt at times, but once we’re out of school, it’ll be a non-issue.

    Post # 82
    Member
    290 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    As long as it isn’t affecting me, do whatever you want.

    PERSONALLY, I wanted to be financially stable, have a career, and know how to pay a bill or two before I got married. I’ve seen a few cases of women seemingly being “passed off” from father to husband without knowing a thing about living independently. God forbid something happens and she has no degree, no money, and no clue. I also don’t really see the rush. If you’re going to spend forever together, why not wait until the odds are more in your favor and you’re more established? The actual “marriage” is just a legal contract – you can still be committed and remain unmarried. I also support cohabitation though so I guess that could be a reason to marry young for those who don’t.

    Post # 83
    Member
    373 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2014 - Beach

    View original reply
    @Rubberband:  Same ages 🙂 but other way round I’m 23 and he’s 25 we will be 24 and 26 2 weeks after the wedding. We have been together for 5 years 

    Post # 84
    Member
    4494 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I don’t look down on young brides, but its just not something I would have ever opted to do and I’ve been with my DH since I was 15 (28 now). To me I just feel like if you plan to be together forever then what is the rush? What is the harm in waiting? Unless you need insurance, you’re waiting to live together/have sex, etc

    I’d just wanted to at least be out of college and have a stable career first so 23 would have been the earliest I would have even considered getting married. Really though I wanted to be at least 25. Fortunately we both got good, well paying jobs right out of college and were financially comfortable early on, but we still chose to wait. Personally in my mind I’ve been married to my DH for years. The legal document was just not that important to me :-/

    I know a few couples that married young and are still together and happy, but for the most part the young married couples I’ve known didn’t last. Obviously thats a super small sample of the population, but its my experience and its what I’ve seen. And although I don’t care what a stranger does or how old they are when they marry, I really would be less than thrilled about my future children getting married young :-/

    Post # 85
    Member
    435 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2016

    I don’t frown upon young brides, I frown upon immature brides. Drama queens who make decisions based entirely on emotion and are constantly struggling with the fallout are more often than not unprepared for adulthood. It has nothing to do with age – I’ve met immature people who are 21 and I’ve met immature people who are in their 50s. Neither are prepared for a lifelong commitment to a partner.

    Post # 86
    Member
    2597 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    @PenultimateWhisk:  For me, personally, I would encourage any person under the age of 25 to wait.  To live and support themselves as INDIVIDUALS first.  To have a chance to be themselves and learn about themselves as individuals before being one half of a couple.  

    Frankly, I would be concerned about a couple who were high school sweethearts, moved in together in college and plan to marry right after graduation.  Jobs and paying bills have little to do with it. 

    While I have no doubt at all that in the here and now they are happy and harmonious, I also have no doubt that they are in a sweet, romantic point in their lives just as I have no doubt that won’t be the case forever.  

     

    Post # 87
    Member
    637 posts
    Busy bee

    View original reply
    @MrsN14:  I am both fascinated by and envious of your situation. Honestly, I always wondered how people in other parts of the country could afford to have kids young and could afford more than 2. I get it now 😛 

    Post # 88
    Member
    3270 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    View original reply
    @princesslettuce14:  It’s definitely not the norm for the majority of the US but I really enjoy the lifestyle although it’s defintely not for everyone! It has it’s pros and cons

    Post # 89
    Member
    351 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    totally an individual thing for me – my parents were very young (17 and 21), very financially unstable (my dad worked in a packing plant, and my mum was at school), but had love and respect, and won the support of their families.

    I’ve said it before and I’ve said it again – it all depends on the couple. I know some 45 year olds who I would advise to wait, and 21 year olds who I would tell to go for it if they asked my opinions.

    I sincerely hope it works out incredibly well for you guys – you know if you’re making the right decision.

    Post # 89
    Member
    405 posts
    Helper bee

    I will be 23 when I get married. I have lived with my Fiance since I was 21. I don’t feel too young to be married. My main concern was finishing my bachelor’s degree before getting married, which I will have done. I know a lot of people want to finish grad school before getting married, but for us it makes sense to be married now. He is an engineer and we will be comfortable while I work on my graduate degree and work part-time. I have never doubted us. I will say that being married without finishing undergrad would have been way hard. I also do feel judged for my decision to be engaged while in school. A lot of my classmates want to attend medical or pharmacy school and are hypercompetitive and look down on me for “settling”. At least, that’s the vibe I get. I know my side of the family marries younger, so they do not look down on us. We are more educated than most of them. His side of the family kind of raised their eyebrows, but accept that after our time together we know what is right for us.

    I will admit to being judgy of people who get married after dating for four months and are pregnant practically as soon as they’re back from their honeymoon.

    I also tend to judge people who get married quickly and young who haven’t lived together. Moving in together was the best thing we ever did. It really showed us how much we did want to get married.

    Post # 90
    Member
    383 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2017 - Rossino Castle

    While I would never tell someone they shouldn’t get married,I will never think it’s a good idea to get married before being at the very least 25.

    I was a young bride.I got married at 21.I We were exactly what you described,and very,very much in love and oh,so sure.My relatives tried very gently to suggest that maybe we should wait a little,and I happily ignored them,thinking I knew my relationship and myself best.Boy,I was wrong.

    I simply had no idea just how much people change in their 20s.By the time I turned 27 I was a totally different person,and my ex husband changed even more,becoming what he always said he would never be.

    So I would ever say anything,but I would secretly think they’ll probably be divorced by the time they hit 30.

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