Post # 31
Elope and let your Future In-Laws come up for their own party plan afterwards, for their side, if that’s what they want. Then the ball is in their court.
We went through issues with both our daughters (we hosted 100%). ILs had a guest list they presented, with no accompanying offer to pay for anything, but the rehearsal dinner. For one wedding, their side had more than 25 more than ours. Full adult charges were charged for 13 and up and my husband said we weren’t paying for anyone under 21. There was lots of drama, with the adult only issue, but no one offered to pay for the kids (all on on their side), so they weren’t invited. A practical solution.
Post # 32
Don’t have a ‘big obnoxious wedding’ if you dont want one
Compromise MAYBE and invite parents to the elopement. I promise you she will get over it.
ETA: She is already making this all about her…do what is right for you and your Fiance
Post # 33
If she is so dead set on you guys having a wedding, she should try to be as accomodating as she can to make it happen, including providing funds. If the in-laws are refusing to pay, especially when you don’t even want the party, then it’s their own fault. If they did pay, I would compromise and have a small wedding party.
Post # 34
If they want the wedding, they should pay. I’m a strict believer in the budget owner dictates how the budget is spent. No budget? No wedding! Yes marriage!
We’re paying for the wedding we want, 100% because in my culture, the groom’s family pays. In his, the bride’s family pays. Practically speaking, neither of our parents can afford to contribute to the wedding. So we thought it best to just keep on keeping on.
Post # 35
def sit down and talk with everyone
Unless you are rich or your parents are dirt floor poor I don’t think they’d be blindsighted or expect anything different. That being said, you should definetly not throw it all on them. They are contributing to your finances, not the other way around. Its ultimetly on you. If you want to elope, elope.
Post # 36
If someone wants to contribute, they will let you know. Asking is beyond rude. If you’re old enough to get married, you’re old enough to pay for your own party. If you don’t want the party, elope. Why waste anyone’s money on something you don’t want? Why do his parents dictate what you do? Will they tell you when to have kids too?
Post # 37
- Wedding: May 2018 - City, State
I don’t expect them to pay for a wedding i want. They mentioned starting to save but not an amount. I think that warrants a discussion.
However i do expect them to pay for a wedding they want.
As for your questions.
i frankly don’t care wedding or no wedding, but it means a lot to Future Mother-In-Law and his family that we have a wedding.
His parents do not dictate what we do but we do respect their opinion and know that eloping will create a huge strain between us and his family.
we’ve already discussed that they will be minimally involved with my future pregnancy because they have a tendency to take over things.
Post # 38
My mom offered and is paying half.
My fi family hasn’t mentioned paying for anything and that is fine. Not expecting them to and I would never ask.
If my fiancé couldn’t afford his half of the wedding I would much rather elope than ask anyone for money.
Post # 39
EXACTLY!! YOUR MONEY = YOUR CHOICE TO HAVE A WEDDING OR ELOPE! I totally agree! If only your money is involved then you have every right to choose how to spend it, and if you want to elope that’s your right! Parents should not be obligated to pay for a wedding but if they demand you have a wedding then they should be willing to contribute financially.
Post # 40
I agree with you that if your parents/in-laws are the ones who want the wedding, while you would be comfortable eloping, then they should pay for the wedding.
I’d like to add that it also makes me sad that there is even a question or debate over whether a bride should ask her parents for help. In the first place, no bride should have to ask for help. It should be a given that the parents will help, assuming of course that they are in a financial position to do so. But then I’m old school.
Post # 41
i could never imagine sitting down with the parents to ask them what/if they are contributing to my wedding. Future Father-In-Law is all we have, he knows our wedding plans and if he wanted to help us, he’d offer. Actually, I can see him offering later on, but if he doesnt, it’s no problem. We are planning the wedding *we* want and can afford. Any help received is a bonus but not necessary at all.
Post # 42
While it is traditional for a father to pay for his daughter’s wedding, I know that many people do not follow traditons when it comes to wedding planning. My parents wanted to pay for an extravagant wedding for my husband and I. We did not want them to pay for our wedding because we did not want a big celebration. When my husband and I got married, we both lived alone for years before moving in together. Since both of us had been independent of our parents for so long, it didn’t make sense to ask them to contribute to our wedding.