(Closed) SPINOFF – bummed about friend's involvement

posted 8 years ago in 30 Something
Post # 3
9916 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Do you live in the same area?  One of my very best friends (she is one of my bridesmaids, actually) has been really, really distant lately.  I moved away from the city in which we both lived, so I see it as being in an adjustment period.  I moved in August, her other good friend moved to India in October, and she met her new boyfriend in November.  So her two best friends are gone and she has a new guy…I can forgive her for being a bit distant, and I can understand why things aren’t the way they used to be.

I think, if you want to remain friends with her, that you should just keep calling/texting/whatever is normal for you two.  Friendships evolve, and you have to let them.  

Post # 4
684 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

Give her some time, there might be other issues on her plate. If she is having a hard time, I would want to be there for her. I would keep leaving supportive messages for her and hope that she will come around when she is ready to talk.

Post # 5
487 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’ve had the same issue with a couple of friends – one in particular for pretty much the same reason as yours – she was engaged to a guy back when FH and I started out but they broke up before me and FH got engaged.

To make it worse, FH was a lot like her ex-fiance so I can kind of understand how she feels but it still hurts. She was kind of warning me off FH before we got engaged and she’s never even congratulated me and has stopped speaking to me altogether.

There’s not much we can do really, other than be understanding that they’re only behaving like this because they’re in pain and that someday they may snap out of it. It’s definitely not your fault, and you’re just as much entitled to your happiness as anybody. You can’t just put your life and happiness on hold because she hasn’t found hers yet.


Post # 6
2552 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I would just keep in mind that this is probably a *particularly* difficult time for her, since, well… This is summer 2012, the exact time she had planned on being married. Depending on how long ago they broke up, this is probably on her mind a LOT and it may be difficult not to be bitter. Try to give her a little bit of time and see.if she comes around. 

Post # 7
2692 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

That is hard.  I am not in the same situation but I am having issues with a friend of mine who is also a bridesmaid.  She and I used to be SUPER close (and she’s married to fi’s cousin).  I have known her for like 12 years.  When I moved out here in 2006, we rekindled our friendship (we had met in 2000 for the 1st time and instantly hit it off and became fast friends).  

In 2006 we hung out all the time… her, me, fi and his cousin (her husband.)  Once she started working (she was in school) and I started popping put more kids, our relationship changed (her and her hubby can’t have kids).  We live literally less than a minute from each other (like a 20 second walk) and we don’t ever see each other.  I try to make dates for us to hang out and she never can make it.  It hurts sometimes but it is what it is.  She never has time for me but has time for her other friends and when she blows me off, she makes light of it.  It just irks me sometimes.  I figured her being a bm would help our relationship but it’s still the same.  I am done trying and I think as soon as the wedding is over, I will just stop texting her or even trying.

Post # 8
367 posts
Helper bee

I would not take it personally or think that you are “the enemy.” She is probably depressed about the breakup. A couple months ago, she ended a relationship with someone she wanted to marry… that’s HUGE. When I get depressed like that, I don’t want to talk to ANYBODY – partially out of wanting to be alone, and partially out of not wanting to rain on other peoples’ parades while I’m processing my own emotions.  She may be trying to avoid dampening your happy wedding planning by bringing up her sadness and anger and loneliness…

If you have been calling her a lot, then she knows you care and will be there when she’s ready to talk. You’ve done what you can – I would just keep reaching out to her as you usually do. I suspect she’ll call you back when she feels up to discussing her feelings and/or sharing in your happiness.

(Of course, if you think she’s in trouble, then I might contact other mutual friends, or her family, just to see if they have heard from her recently.)

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