(Closed) Spinoff: covering your plate

posted 6 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 3
Member
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’ve never heard of it either!!!  What if the couple can’t afford an expensive wedding and is serving meals they cooked?  I’d feel weird only giving the couple $10.  It doesn’t make sense to me  =o/

Post # 4
Member
8390 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’d never heard of it either before here.

Post # 5
Member
13012 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I was raised with this philosophy.  This is how my family gifts at weddings, so I never understood why it was such a hot-button issue on the Bee.  So before I explain the position — don’t shoot the messenger.  I have been attacked for my opinion on this topic on many boards, so a warning statement:  This is my opinion, and it is how I choose to gift.  I do not think that everyone has to do it, or it has to be done if you can’t financially handle it, or if you don’t want to do it.  It’s a different way of looking at it.

Scenario 1:  The Bride and Groom invite me to a fancy dinner.  Correct, I have no idea what it costs, and I would never have the gall to ask such an insulting question.  However, I see that it’s lobster and filet mignon at a very fancy hotel ballroom.  In my head, that means they’re probably spending $100 on my meal.  My Fiance and I are costing them $200 just to feed.   I typically give a couple hundre dollars as a wedding gift.  So, let’s say I gift them $500.  $300 goes to my gift, and $200 covers the meal I just ate.

Scenario 2:  The Bride and Groom invite me to a wonderful backyard BBQ celebration, which I estimate to cost them between $25 and $50 to feed me.  I go with a conservative estimate, and say $50.  My total gift to them would be $400, with the $300 gift, and $100 covering the meal for my Fiance and myself.

I give more to people I’m closer to, but I’d never gift less than $300.  But it’s a standard amount plus what I would spend on my meal. 

It’s really a personal preference thing, and the “covering your plate” mentality is only one of many ways you can look at your gifting.  It’s not an “expectation” but more just a different philosophy!

Post # 6
Member
4693 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I gift based on my relationship with the couple, not how fancy of a wedding they’ve chosen to have.

Post # 7
Member
5890 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

i gift same way MissBoPeep does.  I just don’t get covering your plate-

1) how would you even KNOW how much they spent on catering

2) if you chose to spend a ridiculous amount of money on food, that’s your decision, not mine, and as a guest, i shouldn’t be held accountable for your financial decisions

3) conversely, if you can’t afford a big fancy reception, why should i punish YOU by gifting you less?  that just seems like complete judgement on the guest’s part.

Post # 8
Member
10288 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

There was just a thread on this not too long ago. If I remember correctly, it got kind of heated. 

Anyway, I always try to cover my plate but I don’t think it’s expected. Would it be nice if everyone gifted that way? Sure, but most couples aren’t banking on it. Atleast I know we weren’t when we got married. The concept of covering your plate may seem strange to some but it’s very common in my circle. It’s not a requirement by any means but it’s just something that we like to try to do if possible. I think it’s kind of funny that it seems to be such a big deal on here. Just gift what you can afford and I’m sure the couple will be more than appreciative. 

Post # 9
Member
3375 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I give based on how well I know the couple AND what kind of wedding it is (not necesarily how fancy it is). Like if they don’t serve dinner and it’s just a cake and punch reception, I give less.

 

Post # 10
Member
4337 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@MissBoPeep:  Same here – taking into account how much I can afford, as well.

Post # 11
Member
1190 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

as @abbie017:   said, I have grown up with this philosophy as well. I generally know how much plates cost as many venues in the area.  After I cover the cost of my plate, my relationship with the couple will then depend how much I gift on top of that.

With all that said, I think bride and grooms are happy to receive anything.

 

Post # 12
Member
5890 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

another bear sighting!!! hahahahha.

bear bees are everywhere!

Post # 13
Member
2651 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I try and cover my plate, but I gift what I can afford.  I know our per plate cost is going to be 11O$ per.  I also know that my aunts on m. Dads side will gift 25$ just because I am their STEP. Niece. 

Post # 14
Member
522 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@abbie017:  This is exactly how i do it… And how 95% of people do it in Spain

Its customary an polite for guests to give a gift which AT LEAST covers your plate + something more if you can/want.  I can guess pretty closely what that cost is based on the venue or choice of celebration+ knowing the couple.

I personally find the “gifting based on my relationship” very difficult. I cannot put a price on my relationship And could not give a cheap gift just because we are maybe work colleagues instead of childhood friends. If someone invites me to their wedding, I assume they want me there and consider me special enough to be on their most important day.

 

Post # 15
Hostess
16213 posts
Honey Beekeeper

In my region/circles, gifts aren’t contingent upon the cost of a guest’s plate.

Post # 16
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

The only time I would ever have an actual problem with this, is when the bride (or groom or both) gets huffy and offended when people bring a $100 gift and say “But the food was $250 a PERSON!”

Well, you chose to spend that much, that doesn’t mean everyone can! I certainly don’t have hundreds of dollars for a gift, but if you want and appreciate my company I’ll be sure to get you something very nice within my own personal budget. I think some couples look to turn a profit and get upset when people don’t reimburse them for the big lavish party they chose to throw. Gifts and money are a bonus to people being there for your day, not the whole point of the occasion.

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