Post # 1
Maybe I live under a rock, but this whole idea of covering your plate is strange to me. The bride & groom are throwing a party & have invited you to celebrate. Why is it necessary that I cover the cost of my dinner? My SO & I would rarely spend $200 on a dinner out & would certainly expect more out of the meal than typical wedding food.
I’m all for being generous & I’m not saying I would never give $200 for a gift, but it’s strange to me that it’s expected that we cover our plates!
Post # 3
I’ve never heard of it either!!! What if the couple can’t afford an expensive wedding and is serving meals they cooked? I’d feel weird only giving the couple $10. It doesn’t make sense to me =o/
Post # 4
I’d never heard of it either before here.
Post # 5
I was raised with this philosophy. This is how my family gifts at weddings, so I never understood why it was such a hot-button issue on the Bee. So before I explain the position — don’t shoot the messenger. I have been attacked for my opinion on this topic on many boards, so a warning statement: This is my opinion, and it is how I choose to gift. I do not think that everyone has to do it, or it has to be done if you can’t financially handle it, or if you don’t want to do it. It’s a different way of looking at it.
Scenario 1: The Bride and Groom invite me to a fancy dinner. Correct, I have no idea what it costs, and I would never have the gall to ask such an insulting question. However, I see that it’s lobster and filet mignon at a very fancy hotel ballroom. In my head, that means they’re probably spending $100 on my meal. My Fiance and I are costing them $200 just to feed. I typically give a couple hundre dollars as a wedding gift. So, let’s say I gift them $500. $300 goes to my gift, and $200 covers the meal I just ate.
Scenario 2: The Bride and Groom invite me to a wonderful backyard BBQ celebration, which I estimate to cost them between $25 and $50 to feed me. I go with a conservative estimate, and say $50. My total gift to them would be $400, with the $300 gift, and $100 covering the meal for my Fiance and myself.
I give more to people I’m closer to, but I’d never gift less than $300. But it’s a standard amount plus what I would spend on my meal.
It’s really a personal preference thing, and the “covering your plate” mentality is only one of many ways you can look at your gifting. It’s not an “expectation” but more just a different philosophy!
Post # 6
I gift based on my relationship with the couple, not how fancy of a wedding they’ve chosen to have.
Post # 7
i gift same way MissBoPeep does. I just don’t get covering your plate-
1) how would you even KNOW how much they spent on catering
2) if you chose to spend a ridiculous amount of money on food, that’s your decision, not mine, and as a guest, i shouldn’t be held accountable for your financial decisions
3) conversely, if you can’t afford a big fancy reception, why should i punish YOU by gifting you less? that just seems like complete judgement on the guest’s part.
Post # 8
There was just a thread on this not too long ago. If I remember correctly, it got kind of heated.
Anyway, I always try to cover my plate but I don’t think it’s expected. Would it be nice if everyone gifted that way? Sure, but most couples aren’t banking on it. Atleast I know we weren’t when we got married. The concept of covering your plate may seem strange to some but it’s very common in my circle. It’s not a requirement by any means but it’s just something that we like to try to do if possible. I think it’s kind of funny that it seems to be such a big deal on here. Just gift what you can afford and I’m sure the couple will be more than appreciative.
Post # 9
I give based on how well I know the couple AND what kind of wedding it is (not necesarily how fancy it is). Like if they don’t serve dinner and it’s just a cake and punch reception, I give less.
Post # 10
@MissBoPeep: Same here – taking into account how much I can afford, as well.
Post # 11
as @abbie017: said, I have grown up with this philosophy as well. I generally know how much plates cost as many venues in the area. After I cover the cost of my plate, my relationship with the couple will then depend how much I gift on top of that.
With all that said, I think bride and grooms are happy to receive anything.
Post # 12
another bear sighting!!! hahahahha.
bear bees are everywhere!
Post # 13
I try and cover my plate, but I gift what I can afford. I know our per plate cost is going to be 11O$ per. I also know that my aunts on m. Dads side will gift 25$ just because I am their STEP. Niece.
Post # 14
@abbie017: This is exactly how i do it… And how 95% of people do it in Spain
Its customary an polite for guests to give a gift which AT LEAST covers your plate + something more if you can/want. I can guess pretty closely what that cost is based on the venue or choice of celebration+ knowing the couple.
I personally find the “gifting based on my relationship” very difficult. I cannot put a price on my relationship And could not give a cheap gift just because we are maybe work colleagues instead of childhood friends. If someone invites me to their wedding, I assume they want me there and consider me special enough to be on their most important day.
Post # 15
In my region/circles, gifts aren’t contingent upon the cost of a guest’s plate.
Post # 16
The only time I would ever have an actual problem with this, is when the bride (or groom or both) gets huffy and offended when people bring a $100 gift and say “But the food was $250 a PERSON!”
Well, you chose to spend that much, that doesn’t mean everyone can! I certainly don’t have hundreds of dollars for a gift, but if you want and appreciate my company I’ll be sure to get you something very nice within my own personal budget. I think some couples look to turn a profit and get upset when people don’t reimburse them for the big lavish party they chose to throw. Gifts and money are a bonus to people being there for your day, not the whole point of the occasion.