Post # 1
I know it’s tough hanging on to friends once you get married or they get married. Especially if they are friends of the opposite sex. I get it that boundaries are way important and that once a friend gets a partner, a majority of their time is spent with that person. But honestly, I wish people could still maintain friendships even after they get a partner or get married.
I had a good guy friend who was like a sibling to me. He became good friends with my mom too. His mom lived in Taiwan and since he didn’t have any other relatives nearby, he considered my mom to be his auntie, and almost like a second mother. She would invite him over for lunch frequently, and he loved that.
Well, he was single for a long time, and would talk to me and my mother about his dating life, and would ask for advice on relationships, etc. He was like family and he always promised to invite us to the wedding if he ever got married. Finally he got a steady girlfriend, and guess what? We never heard from him again. I had a boyfriend, so it wasn’t like he or his girlfriend had anything to worry about! I called him once, like 7 months ago, and never heard back. Oh well. 🙁
Post # 3
I can relate to this.
A few years back my boyfriend (now FI) and I had been dating for 3 years and had a friend that found a girl. He pretty much left everyone behind for her which was cool, we understood, then he got back in touch with us once they got more serious. We hung out all the time, double dates, games and enjoyed each other’s company. Then this guy proposed to his girlfriend, we hung out one more time, told her if she needed anything for the wedding I would be glad to help and then that was the last time they ever spoke to us, they never picked up the phone, answered FB messages, they dropped off the face of the Earth, we got to see their wedding on FB….yay….I wouldn’t be too miffed if it wasn’t for the fact that a few years later when my Fiance proposed to me that all of a sudden they had an interest in talking with us again….WTH?
Same thing happened to FI’s best friend and his new wife, they stopped talking to my Fiance and ignored me all together until my Fiance proposed, now they actually acknowledge my existance. xD!
I hope everything works out with you and your friend though, keep giving him a few calls…maybe he’ll pick up. Good luck~
Post # 4
No, I still have mostly all the same friends but I don’t have as much of an opportunity to go out like I used to (we have kids).
One friend I always thought was a lifer ended up not talking to me anymore once I had my first child, and I realized that particular friendship was based on partying and having fun, but once I started growing up a bit he dropped me. It still kind of hurts because I knew him for years, we traveled together, I honestly thought he would be at the hospital when my kid was born.
But the rest of my friends, it’s one of those things where a long time could go by, but it’s an unspoken kind of thing, any one of us could call at 3am in a crisis and we’d be there for each other.
Post # 5
I’ve dropped most of my guy friends. But its more related to the fact that we would study together and now I’m done with school and they’ve moved. I started dating Fiance before I started college so its not like I avoided interacting with guys. The only one I still keep in touch with is engaged and his Fiance likes me so she makes us all hang out lol. Fiance has a lot of close female friends and I don’t limit any contact with them. Over time he has gotten closer with his guy friends and less close with his female friends, but thats probably due to them moving away more than anything else. I still keep in touch with all my single female friends :).
ETA: I haven’t been dropped by married friends because I don’t have any. I met my Fiance at 16 so I’ve always been a part of a couple as an adult. I usually don’t bring Fiance when I hang out with my single girlfriends (or I make sure he’s at work when I invite them over) because its more fun to gossip without him. I think they appreciate us not being attached at the hip.
Post # 6
@JoJoDahling: Bleh, I hate that! It’s like you don’t even count to married people if you are single! Smug marrieds, I guess I’m one of them now, LOL. Although I haven’t dropped any unmarried friends, and don’t intend to!
Post # 7
I could have written a post on this exact subject. I feel like it is becoming all too common for me to say that the last time I saw so and so was at their wedding. I have one friend in particular with whom I was very, very close. We were roommates in college. She got married almost two years ago and I have not seen her since. In the year after her marriage I attempted to make plans with her three times and after the third time of not hearing anything back beyond possible dates to get together, I gave up. I am not engaged yet, but it will certainly be interesting to see if we suddenly become friends again when I get married.
Post # 8
Ah, it sucks so much to lose friends. It’s not like I expect things to be like when we were younger, where we could hang out with people all the time. But at least keep in touch, call once in a while, and not drop off the face of the earth. 🙁
Post # 9
As someone over 50, I can tell you that Marriages (and break ups) is one of those life milestones when friendships seem to change… it just is what it is.
Far worse than losing out on friends when you are getting married… is what happens if you should divorce.
Then friends seem to drop like flies…
Some friends feel they have to pick sides (those that have been friendly with BOTH people in the couple… like Neighbours)…
Others may be people you socialize with as two couples… and they just can’t see themselves with either of you in a solo role
And even some, GFs who are married, but you’ve been pals with for eons… find it odd (threatening ?) to invite you over for a meal for example, because you are the odd-man out in the situation (the 2nd woman at the Dining Room Table)
In my experience… Nothing wierder than a Divorce to mess up Friendships that otherwise lasted decades
A Divorce certainly tells you who your TRUE FRIENDS are !!