Post # 1
We have a joint checking account and different savings accounts, but I have another account that no one knows about. My dad always use to tell me that it was smart to have a secret account, just in case I needed to get away quick.
I only have about $20 per pay being direct deposited into it, but it sure did come in handy when my ex left me and cleaned out our joint checking account. The bank wouldn’t do anything about it since we were both on the account.
I wouldn’t say it’s a total secret because Mr. Tattoo KNOWS about the account, but he doesn’t know how much is in it. My girlfriend says it’s wrong. What do you think?
Post # 3
It’s not secret but we each have our own checking and savings accounts. We also have a joint checking. I don’t think it is wrong at all, but that is because I am not a fan of joining finances 100% . I don’t want to pay for his video games as much as he doesn’t want to pay for a new pair of shoes for me.
Post # 3
I don’t have a secret one, but I do have a private one like you do. I think that’s fine. And, at least for me, if something happened and we needed the money as a couple, I wouldn’t hesitate to use that. But it’s good to have a safety net.
Post # 4
I have a similar account. We have a joint account and separate personal accounts all with the same bank, but I have a bit of my weekly personal money transfered into a separate high-interest savings account at another bank. Like you mine isn’t a secret, my husband knows about it, but it’s my personal money so it’s not really his business how much is in it. I figure it’ll come in handy if I ever want to splurge on a big gift or if we want to go on vacation, or if an emergency comes up. I don’t see anything wrong with it.
Post # 5
I honestly don’t like the idea. I feel like if I am hiding things, it makes it okay for him to hide things too.
Post # 6
Well I guess technically I do – I opened a second savings w/ higher rates when we were saving for the wedding and I didn’t spend all the money. Husband suggested just to leave it open, so I do have a a little bit of money sitting in there…
But our main savings account is joint.
Post # 7
I don’t think it’s wrong to have your own account, but I do think it’s wrong to lie about it.
DH and I have completely separate checking and savings accounts. We don’t really know how much each person has in their accounts. As long as we can each pay our half of the bills and contribute to joint savings, it really doesn’t matter to us how much the other one has.
Post # 8
Well it’s not a secret, but it is my own personal account that Fiance does not have access to. I think he knows approximately how much $$ is in it, but it’s not something I am constantly updating him about!! He has his own savings acct as well. Again I have a rough estimate of how much he has, but we mind our own business about our personal accts. 🙂
Post # 9
Mine came in handy because when my ex left, I didn’t have a car. My car had died and we were using his. So when he left me on Friday, I was able to go to the dealer on Saturday and put a deposit on a car to have low monthly payments. Also it helped with income lost because I didn’t have vacation hours and I missed a week of work since I had a nervous breakdown.
Even though Mr. Tattoo isn’t working at the moment, I haven’t really had to dip into that account. He jokes that we could probably pay for the whole wedding with that account and I said we weren’t touching it. I don’t want to be like one of these women without a back up plan if shit hits the fan.
Post # 10
@Miss Tattoo: I think I’m going to have one of these accounts to once Fiance and I merge everything. I don’t see anything wrong with it, especially since you are only putting $20/pay period. My mom has always had one and my dad still doesn’t know about it. A lot of the time she used it to buy my brother and I things we didn’t need but didn’t want my dad to know the price of. This came in really handy around holidays when my brother wanted expensive Xbox and play station games. My dad knew he got them, just not that they were $100 a pop. I know now she uses some of it to differ the cost of the fancy martinis she drinks with her gf’s a few times a month. My dad knows she goes, just doesn’t realize that the drinks are $13 each haha. And sometimes when we go out just us girls for lunch and shopping, she still uses it to buy me a pair of shoes, even though I’m almost 30 yrs old haha.
Post # 11
I have a savings account that I had before we got married and I will continue to keep it seperate.
My DH knows I have it, and has an idea of how much I have in there.I think of it as our money, I have and will continue to use it for us in the even of an emergency/big purchase. He just does not have any rights to that account.
I also had a secret savings account when I was previously married. It helped me escape a horrible marriage. It wasnt much, but it was enough for a deposit on an apartment, an air mattress, and a fridge full of food. (that’s all I needed, I just wanted out)
Post # 12
I have no accounts in my name now thanks to previous douche bag ex over drawing my last one by hundreds…..put my name and ssn in the banks systems as being a bad person. UGH.
So, everything is in FI’s account and I keep the check book and ATM card and he just gets cash out of the account when needed. It works for us cause I handle all the bill paying for both of us and our joint bills anyway.
I don’t know that I think it’s wrong because you said he knows about the account. That might be different if he had no idea it was there.
Post # 13
I’m an all in kinda girl… and think that it’s an important part of being unified in marriage.
DH and I know about all of money together… I do most of the spending and handling, but there’s not anything we aren’t completely on the same page about.
I really feel that having it like that helps with creating that one-ness and in todays “marriage society” I think it’s really important to have that… there are plenty of things and trials that will come against us in the years to come and I try what I can to keep us always together, totally aware, and up to date on the same page =)
Post # 14
- Wedding: October 2011 - Tre Bella, Mesa, AZ
We both have personal checking/savings and joint checking/savings. Neither is secret from the other, and we generally know how much is in the other’s account only because we discuss money, debt and the future a lot. I think if we start having children, we may be more joint, but right now I agree with PP – I don’t want to have to have a big discussion about how much money my Fiance wants to spend on something frivolous and vice versa. It just makes the relationship harder.
ETA: I agree with @Crisark
that I don’t think it’s a problem unless your Fiance doesn’t know about it at all. I think there’s a difference between having a secret account b/c you’re already in an abusive relationship, and having a separate savings account than your future husband/wife. Every couple is different, and banking decisions aren’t the end-all-be-all of a marriage.
Post # 15
I know I’d be upset if my husband had a secret account, so I always wouldn’t want to have one. We do all of our money together in a joint account. I know I have a big support system with my family if something were to happen, but obviously I don’t anticipate ever needing that help.