(Closed) Spinoff: Do you have a secret savings account?

posted 9 years ago in Money
Post # 17
Member
4885 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

We’ll be opening a joint account to pay the bills and what not, but we’ve agreed to have separate accounts on top of that for the reasons stated above.  We have vastly different hobbies and I can guarantee we’d have some heated conversations on why I spent $120 on gemstone beads and how he could possibly drop $400 on a new tool.  It’s just better this way 🙂

Post # 18
Member
5667 posts
Bee Keeper

I have mini savings accounts for certain things with SmartyPig because it helps me to not spend money that I’m saving towards a certain goal. We haven’t combined finances yet, and won’t until we’re married, but my Fiance and I discussed having personal savings accounts. He likes to buy expensive toys and was wondering if I would be upset if he saved some of his money in a seperate account for these purchases. I told him absolutely not (and I may do the same). I don’t see them as secret accounts, though, as we’re transparent with each other about money. He also has seperate accounts for his business that I don’t question because they’re seperate from our personal finances.  If he had a secret account just in case I left him I’d be pretty bent out of shape, though.

Edit: The accounts for toys would likely be drained for dual purpose emergency money (in addition to the real emergency fund) if needed, so I guess they’re not totally seperate. I’d never tell Fiance “Sorry, that money is earmarked for designer shoes, we’ll have to find a different way to pay for food this week.”

Post # 19
Member
10283 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

I have my own personal savings but it’s certainly not a secret from Fiance. I consider it “our” money but he doesn’t have access to it.

Post # 20
Member
77 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

We each have our own savings account in addition to our household accounts. I don’t know how much is in his, and he doesn’t know what’s in mine. It’s not a secret, but it’s there.

Post # 21
Member
13094 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

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@artbee I’m with you.  I’d be upset if DH had a secret account (or even a separate account I couldn’t access – but that’s for a different thread) so I would never have one either.

If something went horribly wrong with our marriage and I needed out of dodge or some major assistance ASAP, I know any one of my friends or family would drop everything in a heartbeat to help.  So I can see no logical argument for such a hidden account.

Post # 22
Member
1889 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Nope, no secret money here.  We both work in finance–he’s actually pretty passionate about finance– and we decided it would be best for us to just use one checking account.  We each have one individual credit card that the other one doesn’t have access to (besides all our store cards), and make decisions about spending and investing together.  I actually went to the bank today to close my old personal accounts, so this is very fresh to me!  I agree with PPs that I wouldn’t think it’s fair for him to have secret accounts that I can’t access, so I shouldn’t be unfair to him either.

Post # 24
Member
13094 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

View original reply
@Miss Tattoo I guess it is just a difference between our parents’ means and parenting styles.  I know with 150% certainty (because my parents have told me and my siblings this) that if something happened to us, we would always have them to fall back on and that they feel it is their responsibility as parents to ensure that their kids are okay.

If DH left me and cleaned out our accounts, my parents would help me buy a car (not new, but one that would get me from place to place without maintanence problems) and would help me pay rent until I got back on my feet again.

Post # 25
Member
382 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

My Fiance and I aren’t going to move in together until the fall and the wedding isn’t until early next year, but just this past weekend we were talking about our finances and setting up a savings plan for the wedding and honeymoon.

We’ll probably have a joint account that we use for most things and keep separate personal accounts for our own hobbies and things. I have no problem with not having access to her personal account and her not having access to mine, but I’m not okay with it being a secret because I want us to be on the same page on most things, and most especially especially with regards to money. And we are. I want us to have a long and happy future together to look forward to and we’re gonna need to plan for all that financially.

I do understand where’re you’re coming from, Miss Tattoo, and I’m glad you were able to get out of that situation, but I think it’s good that, even if the current Mr. Tattoo doesn’t have access to your money and account, at least he knows about it. Be prepared, but be honest too.

Post # 27
Member
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

We each currently have our own personal accounts.  We will likely open a joint account to pay bills out of, but I do plan on keeping my personal account that Fiance does not have access to.  I’m sure he will keep his as well.  It’s not a secret, but I do think it’s smart to have some savings of your own.

Post # 28
Member
362 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Your girlfriend is wrong. Mr. Tatoo knows about the account therefore you are not being deceitful in any way, As it is your account and he is aware of it, as long as you contribute to the joint account and household expenses it doesn’t matter whether he knows the balance or not. The account is not a secret, so you are NOT in the wrong here.

Post # 29
Member
1227 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Hmm, interesting question. A similar thing happened to my mom, where her now-ex-husband cleaned out their joint accounts.

For me and my Fiance, our plan is to have one joint checking account and one joint savings, and each maintain our own separate personal savings accounts as well. I never thought of having a “secret” account. I’m not sure how I feel about having one myself, but if I found out Fiance had one, I’d feel pretty offended, like he thought I was going to try and take him to the cleaners or something.

The bottom line for me is that in this relationship, I trust my Fiance completely. I don’t feel the need for a secret account. But I can understand why some people would have one.

Post # 30
Member
5571 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

All of our money is combined and has been since almost a year ago, since before we were married or even engaged. Like @FutureKMM I know that if something did go wrong in the marriage that nobody anticipated my parents would make sure that I was able to get back on my feet, not by paying for everything for me but by being a means to work my way back to where I was before.

I do understand where it could be a good idea though. My little sister just this past year got out of an abusive marriage and all of her money was combined with her husband. He completely cleaned her out. Luckily she did have my parents as a resource who were able to help her buy a plane ticket home, loaned her money for a used car, is letting her stay with them while she’s working 2 jobs and saving money for a new place. If she didn’t have my parents as that resource though things would be completely different and a separate bank account could definitely have helped.

 

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