Post # 16
previous douche didn’t know about the account. Lord knows he would have tried to clean that out too somehow. He was PISSED when he found out I was able to buy a car the day after he left.
Like I said, Mr. Tattoo knows about the account, he just doesn’t have access to it. I would like to think happily ever after, but I’ve been with too many douchebags to know that they can leave you with nothing to your name.
I remember my dad sat me down when I was 18 (when I first opened the account) and he told me, “What are you going to do if he hits you? What are you going to do if he continues to beat your ass? What would you do? Where would you go? Would you have the money to hide out in a hotel for a week? Food? clothing? Transportation? What would you do?” He said even if it were $5 a paycheck, there could be enough for a bus ticket to get out of town fast if I needed to.
Post # 17
We’ll be opening a joint account to pay the bills and what not, but we’ve agreed to have separate accounts on top of that for the reasons stated above. We have vastly different hobbies and I can guarantee we’d have some heated conversations on why I spent $120 on gemstone beads and how he could possibly drop $400 on a new tool. It’s just better this way 🙂
Post # 18
I have mini savings accounts for certain things with SmartyPig because it helps me to not spend money that I’m saving towards a certain goal. We haven’t combined finances yet, and won’t until we’re married, but my Fiance and I discussed having personal savings accounts. He likes to buy expensive toys and was wondering if I would be upset if he saved some of his money in a seperate account for these purchases. I told him absolutely not (and I may do the same). I don’t see them as secret accounts, though, as we’re transparent with each other about money. He also has seperate accounts for his business that I don’t question because they’re seperate from our personal finances. If he had a secret account just in case I left him I’d be pretty bent out of shape, though.
Edit: The accounts for toys would likely be drained for dual purpose emergency money (in addition to the real emergency fund) if needed, so I guess they’re not totally seperate. I’d never tell Fiance “Sorry, that money is earmarked for designer shoes, we’ll have to find a different way to pay for food this week.”
Post # 19
I have my own personal savings but it’s certainly not a secret from Fiance. I consider it “our” money but he doesn’t have access to it.
Post # 20
We each have our own savings account in addition to our household accounts. I don’t know how much is in his, and he doesn’t know what’s in mine. It’s not a secret, but it’s there.
Post # 21
I’m with you. I’d be upset if DH had a secret account (or even a separate account I couldn’t access – but that’s for a different thread) so I would never have one either.
If something went horribly wrong with our marriage and I needed out of dodge or some major assistance ASAP, I know any one of my friends or family would drop everything in a heartbeat to help. So I can see no logical argument for such a hidden account.
Post # 22
Nope, no secret money here. We both work in finance–he’s actually pretty passionate about finance– and we decided it would be best for us to just use one checking account. We each have one individual credit card that the other one doesn’t have access to (besides all our store cards), and make decisions about spending and investing together. I actually went to the bank today to close my old personal accounts, so this is very fresh to me! I agree with PPs that I wouldn’t think it’s fair for him to have secret accounts that I can’t access, so I shouldn’t be unfair to him either.
Post # 23
yeah, until you’ve been there and you realize that your parents aren’t going to buy you a brand new car or pay your rent because douchebag cleaned out your account and left you to find a ride home. That’s why I was happy to have my account. I would have never DREAMED he would do something like that.
My dad is no longer alive and it’s just my mom. There would have been no way she would have been able to buy me a car and take care of me and my daughter. She would have offered for me to stay at her place, but that is not in the cards. And you can only live with friends for so long.
Post # 24
I guess it is just a difference between our parents’ means and parenting styles. I know with 150% certainty (because my parents have told me and my siblings this) that if something happened to us, we would always have them to fall back on and that they feel it is their responsibility as parents to ensure that their kids are okay.
If DH left me and cleaned out our accounts, my parents would help me buy a car (not new, but one that would get me from place to place without maintanence problems) and would help me pay rent until I got back on my feet again.
Post # 25
My Fiance and I aren’t going to move in together until the fall and the wedding isn’t until early next year, but just this past weekend we were talking about our finances and setting up a savings plan for the wedding and honeymoon.
We’ll probably have a joint account that we use for most things and keep separate personal accounts for our own hobbies and things. I have no problem with not having access to her personal account and her not having access to mine, but I’m not okay with it being a secret because I want us to be on the same page on most things, and most especially especially with regards to money. And we are. I want us to have a long and happy future together to look forward to and we’re gonna need to plan for all that financially.
I do understand where’re you’re coming from, Miss Tattoo, and I’m glad you were able to get out of that situation, but I think it’s good that, even if the current Mr. Tattoo doesn’t have access to your money and account, at least he knows about it. Be prepared, but be honest too.
Post # 26
If my dad were alive, this wouldn’t be a problem, but since it’s just my mom, I know she wouldn’t have been able to do it. Still, I like to be prepared for the worst because anything can happen.
Parents don’t live forever. Money doesn’t last forever. The person who you would give your life for can turn on you in an instant.
I won’t take that chance again.
I told Mr. Tattoo from the start about the other account. My previous ex had no idea. Something deep down inside just knew he would try to get access to it and would try to talk to me into letting him onto the account.
He wasn’t working the entire last year of our relationship. Every deposit was from my job, yet he still cleaned out the accounts like it was his money. All of our medical emergency money, all of our bill and rent money, my daughters daycare money, ect. All of it. ON TOP of that, he took all the money out of the account AFTER he wrote a bunch of bad checks. He got away with it because of who his parents are and knew. They ended up smoothing things over with the merchants and paid back enough money into that account to cover the bad checks so it would be $0.
If I didn’t have that account, I would have had to break my lease and move in with my mom and little sister.
Post # 27
We each currently have our own personal accounts. We will likely open a joint account to pay bills out of, but I do plan on keeping my personal account that Fiance does not have access to. I’m sure he will keep his as well. It’s not a secret, but I do think it’s smart to have some savings of your own.
Post # 28
Your girlfriend is wrong. Mr. Tatoo knows about the account therefore you are not being deceitful in any way, As it is your account and he is aware of it, as long as you contribute to the joint account and household expenses it doesn’t matter whether he knows the balance or not. The account is not a secret, so you are NOT in the wrong here.
Post # 29
Hmm, interesting question. A similar thing happened to my mom, where her now-ex-husband cleaned out their joint accounts.
For me and my Fiance, our plan is to have one joint checking account and one joint savings, and each maintain our own separate personal savings accounts as well. I never thought of having a “secret” account. I’m not sure how I feel about having one myself, but if I found out Fiance had one, I’d feel pretty offended, like he thought I was going to try and take him to the cleaners or something.
The bottom line for me is that in this relationship, I trust my Fiance completely. I don’t feel the need for a secret account. But I can understand why some people would have one.
Post # 30
All of our money is combined and has been since almost a year ago, since before we were married or even engaged. Like @FutureKMM I know that if something did go wrong in the marriage that nobody anticipated my parents would make sure that I was able to get back on my feet, not by paying for everything for me but by being a means to work my way back to where I was before.
I do understand where it could be a good idea though. My little sister just this past year got out of an abusive marriage and all of her money was combined with her husband. He completely cleaned her out. Luckily she did have my parents as a resource who were able to help her buy a plane ticket home, loaned her money for a used car, is letting her stay with them while she’s working 2 jobs and saving money for a new place. If she didn’t have my parents as that resource though things would be completely different and a separate bank account could definitely have helped.