(Closed) Spinoff: Do you have a secret savings account?

posted 9 years ago in Money
Post # 31
Member
5571 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

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@Miss Tattoo: I don’t think there’s anything wrong with your account. Mr. Tattoo knows about it. My problem would be with the secrecy and since it’s not a secret I don’t think it’s a problem. It’s probably also really important for you to have that security considering what you know from first hand experience 🙂 

Post # 32
Member
3363 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Of course this answer should vary situation by situation.

But JUST going off the question, I say its wrong.

My mom did this when we found out about my dad’s serious drug/alcohol problems; she started acting “financially independent”, esp. being the bread winner. So yes, in a case like this, I do understand since the “user’s” problem will effect the entire family in the long run.

But to me having gone what you have, are you going into this relationship with the same “fears, worries and concerns?”

Again, if he knows about it, its not a secret and thats a personal decision if you two decide to keep savings separate or together. 

If he does not know about it, well thats a secret and deceiving in my eyes; esp. if you have a great man you can trust. Because my Fiance would sure notice, even $20 a pay day going “somewhere else.”

Again, just my opinion! =)

Post # 33
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with keeping an individual emergency fund, but disagree with hiding it from one’s spouse.

FWIW:  My parents would help me in a heartbeat, but I would hate, hate, hate asking them for financial assistance, no matter how dire the situation.  If that applies to you, better to have a separate account than risk staying in a bad relationship or suffering needlessly.

Post # 34
Member
15128 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I am completely on board and understanding of a secret or separate account for your own safety net just in case, even though I don’t have one.  I dont think its lack of trust, but just a.. you never freaking know!  The safety net of falling back on family and friends is a good one to have, but why discount the idea of having some money siphoned off to the side yourself so that you’re not completely left with *nothing* and let him take it all? 

Post # 36
Member
5667 posts
Bee Keeper

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Miss Tattoo and
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pinkshoes Why does it have to be secret? Miss Tattoo, I know you said Mr. Tattoo knows about your current one, but even with your ex if his name wasn’t on it and he didn’t have power of attorney he shouldn’t have been able to touch it. I am all for having your own accounts and my Fiance and I will have them ourselves, but I’d think secret accounts could breed distrust if they were discovered.

 

Post # 37
Member
1831 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

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@CanAmBride:  THIS. exactly word for word.

Post # 38
Member
15128 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

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@Aure: I dont think it has to be secret, but I would understand if someone had a previous bad experience and felt the need to keep one secret.  If keeping it secret gives a level of comfort and protection from a worse case senario, I dont think there is much harm in not disclosing it.  This is of course under the assuption that the amt being siphoned off is not significantly financially harming the relationship.

Post # 40
Member
10360 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

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@Miss Tattoo: I think that is one of the smartest things a woman can do for herself.

My dad left my mom suddenly by changing the locks/emptying out their joint accounts one afternoon when she was out shopping with my aunt. She had been a stay-at-home mom for 18 years without so much as an electric bill in her name. She was basically f**cked. Had she done this – she would have had resources to get herself into an apartment, get utilities turned on, get a car/insurance in her own name.

Have a healthy relationship, of course (!!) but a girl has to have her own back first and foremost.

Post # 41
Member
5667 posts
Bee Keeper

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@Miss Tattoo: You’re right, you can never 100% know someone, but you can’t live in fear that your Fiance is going to end up being a tweaker either (barring past issues). I would think that your relationship would be important enough to disclose other accounts, even if you don’t add his name to it (meaning he doesn’t have the ability to clean you out). You can still have a plan B without keeping secrets is all I’m saying.

Post # 43
Member
10360 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

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@Miss Tattoo: TOTALLY understand! I think it’s a smart thing in general for women to have their own back, regardless of who the other person in the relationship is. I don’t think it should be looked at in a “I don’t trust you” way. I think it should be looked at in a “I am ultimately responsible for myself, and life can throw curveballs” kind of way. Any way you slice it, I think it’s a great idea for both people to have some savings in their own name.

Post # 44
Member
10360 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

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@Aure: She isn’t keeping secrets. She already said that her fiance knows about the account. I view the other account (where the ex didn’t know about it) as an insurance policy in a situation she already knew was bad, and that she’d have to eventually get herself out of. That’s totally different.

Post # 45
Member
541 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I agree with crayfish, having another account–secret or not–is the smartest thing anyone can do for themselves. Fiance and I have a joint account, and I have a separate account that both my mom and myself can access. I think that it’s an individual choice as to whether it’s secret  from the other person in the relationship, because you truly never know what is going to happen. Fiance has one as well, because I could always turn out to be the crazy one.

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