(Closed) Spinoff: Do you have secrets you will never tell your SO?

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Do you have secrets you don't share with your partner?

    Yes, but they are from my long distant past...he dosen't need to know

    Yes, but I plan on telling him "one day"

    No, I'm an open book

    I want to tell him, but I'm afraid.

  • Post # 62
    Member
    4753 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    Just squeeze seems to think that becoming a couple means losing all sense of being an individual. Some things are not for sharing. Some things should be kept to yourself. Sometimes some things are personal. Girls like myself and all other “non-open books” agree. You don’t have to, it’s not odd- it’s just different.

    Post # 63
    Member
    3135 posts
    Sugar bee

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    @bestbuddies:

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    @Miss Tattoo:

    Same as both of you.  My Fiance wanted to know just enough to be rest assured my Raving days weren’t as wild as he presumed. Once he knew that I was ‘relatively’ clean cut and didn’t participate in orgies and shoot herion, we were good.

    Post # 64
    Member
    7298 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

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    @Just_Squeeze: If he’s just being nosey then no, he doesn’t have a right. No one has a right to information. If he was serious about knowing then fine. I would tell him, but he would have to deal with his feelings later on about it. That’s like me asking how many women he has slept with after we broke up and get back together. I don’t want to know that shit. I asked, “Did you use protection with anyone that you slept with after we broke up?” He had one girlfriend he didn’t use protection with and before we even slept together, he took a STD test. Do I need to know who she was, what she looked like, what they liked to do, why hey were together, the details of the breakup, if they got back together, did they sleep together after they broke up, did he call after they broke up, did he ever think about her after they broke up, did he think about getting back together with her after they broke up, did he drive past her house in the middle of the night after they broke up to see if she was looking out of the window to see if he was driving past? lol No! 

    I don’t know. I guess I don’t get the concept of having to know everything about your partner. I want to know the serious stuff, not some petty bullshit from the past. 

    Post # 66
    Member
    5822 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I don’t think Miss Tattoo anyone should have to defend their choice to keep their own life private from their DH.  It’s really a personal choice for each COUPLE.  And if Mr. Tattoo SOs are fine with that arrangement, I don’t think she anyone should have to justify themself to anyone else.

    ::ahem, unruffles feathers::

    Post # 68
    Member
    400 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2011

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    @vmec: I’m a mostly closed book so I understand!!

    What I don’t understand is what’s the point of having a past is if you can’t leave it there. I wish I could say I was an angel before I met my husband but I wasn’t….but who I was in high school and stuff isn’t the person my husband loves now, so why bother rehashing it out? I don’t even have any crazy secrets to tell him, but I still don’t have to give him every single detail of my life and he doesn’t ask either. If we choose to share something, then great! 

    Post # 69
    Member
    484 posts
    Helper bee

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    @Just_Squeeze: Some people are just not as open as you. 

    My SO was engaged before me, for about six months, and no wedding planning was ever done. I know he proposed for all the wrong reasons, but that still doesn’t mean that I want to hear any details about the proposal. I know if he told me I would end up feeling hurt and I know myself well enough to know that I would have a hard time getting past it. It’s just the kind of person I am, that doesn’t mean my relationship or my love for my SO is any less valid. My SO understands where I’m coming from, because he is also not the sort of person who wants to hear every kind of detail about guys I’ve slept with before.

    Post # 70
    Member
    7429 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2009

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    @StormyRose: hubs and I have that kind of relationship as well, and I think its also because we’ve known each other for a long time before we dated. We are way too comfortable with each other, and while we don’t know every single little detail about each others lives, we have no issues discussing it. The past is the past, and you can’t change it. Why would you, if it got you to where you are today??

    Post # 71
    Member
    4753 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    Again, you can’t phanthom someone thinking different. It’s simple however you’re making it incredibly difficult. My business is MY BUSINESS. I’m not scared to let him know, or my friends know. I simply like to keep things to myself. I do not any single person on the face of the earth to know every little thing about me. That is how I keep my individuality.

    No, I do nothing think it’s offensive to say “nevermind”. I think that shows him I’m strong enough to decide what I should tell him and what I shouldn’t. I’m not hiding my affairs, or dirty closet secret. I’m hiding personal, intimate, deep thoughts about myself that are NO ONES business but mine. You subscribe to the thought police mentality. You should get and deserve to know everything. I do not subscribe to that. You don’t have to “get it” you just have to respect that others don’t share your views.

    Intimacy is NOT sharing everything. Intimacy is letting him in to whatever level I deem appropriate. My version of intimacy does not have to be the same as yours. I respect your view, but I certainly don’t agree with it.

    Post # 72
    Member
    5822 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I’m just tired of seeing threads where someone asks a question, someone answers the question, the OP says “But that isn’t RIGHT” and it just goes in circles.

    I mean, it’s possible to not understand someone’s choice without dogging them for it.

    If you truly want to close this thread, post in support and we’ll do that for you.

    Post # 74
    Member
    2095 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    Ok everyone let’s take a deep breath. The purpose of the post was to see if you kept secrets and if so why? It was not a personal attack on any one person. I think it was more of an ok if you feel this way why do you feel this way and what would you do in X situation? I think some people are taking it to heart and it has gotten a little heated.

    Post # 75
    Member
    484 posts
    Helper bee

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    @vmec: I agree with you. In my opinion there is a distinction between intimacy and oversharing 🙂

    Post # 76
    Member
    1806 posts
    Buzzing bee

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    @vmec: ‘You subscribe to the thought police mentality. You should get and deserve to know everything. I do not subscribe to that. You don’t have to “get it” you just have to respect that others don’t share your views.

    Intimacy is NOT sharing everything. Intimacy is letting him in to whatever level I deem appropriate. My version of intimacy does not have to be the same as yours. I respect your view, but I certainly don’t agree with it.’

    I like how you worded those points. That’s how I feel exactly.

    The topic ‘Spinoff: Do you have secrets you will never tell your SO?’ is closed to new replies.

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