MemberJust squeeze seems to think that becoming a couple means losing all sense of being an individual. Some things are not for sharing. Some things should be kept to yourself. Sometimes some things are personal. Girls like myself and all other “non-open books” agree. You don’t have to, it’s not odd- it’s just different.
MemberSame as both of you. My Fiance wanted to know just enough to be rest assured my Raving days weren’t as wild as he presumed. Once he knew that I was ‘relatively’ clean cut and didn’t participate in orgies and shoot herion, we were good.
MemberI don’t know. I guess I don’t get the concept of having to know everything about your partner. I want to know the serious stuff, not some petty bullshit from the past.
MemberThank you. But that’s not at all what I think. You can refer to me directly, you know? I’m right here and started this thread.
Of course you’re still an individual when you become a couple. What you don’t HAVE to be is afraid. Because that’s how i see it. If you don’t want to talk about your not so clean past with your partner, it’s probably because you are afraid of what he will think of you and your character. What other reason is there? I don’t get the “it’s not his business or not essentially his right as my husband to know everything”. Of course it is, if he wants to know…hiding it or saying “it’s none of your business, sweetie” is pretty offensive to him, don’t you think?
If he can be intimate with you physically, he can surely be intimate with you emotionally. Being an open book is the latter. Not “Oh man! I just told my husband everything! I am so lost an individual now!”
MemberI don’t think Miss Tattoo anyone should have to defend their choice to keep their own life private from their DH. It’s really a personal choice for each COUPLE. And if Mr. Tattoo SOs are fine with that arrangement, I don’t think she anyone should have to justify themself to anyone else.
::ahem, unruffles feathers::
MemberI thought we were discussing and this was a discussion. I don’t mind trying to share my line of thinking and Miss Tattoo everyone could have told me to mind my own business if she they did mind defending her their stance.
…But we can close this thread. No biggie to me. It was just a spin off thread inspired by another bee.
MemberWhat I don’t understand is what’s the point of having a past is if you can’t leave it there. I wish I could say I was an angel before I met my husband but I wasn’t….but who I was in high school and stuff isn’t the person my husband loves now, so why bother rehashing it out? I don’t even have any crazy secrets to tell him, but I still don’t have to give him every single detail of my life and he doesn’t ask either. If we choose to share something, then great!
MemberMy SO was engaged before me, for about six months, and no wedding planning was ever done. I know he proposed for all the wrong reasons, but that still doesn’t mean that I want to hear any details about the proposal. I know if he told me I would end up feeling hurt and I know myself well enough to know that I would have a hard time getting past it. It’s just the kind of person I am, that doesn’t mean my relationship or my love for my SO is any less valid. My SO understands where I’m coming from, because he is also not the sort of person who wants to hear every kind of detail about guys I’ve slept with before.
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MemberAgain, you can’t phanthom someone thinking different. It’s simple however you’re making it incredibly difficult. My business is MY BUSINESS. I’m not scared to let him know, or my friends know. I simply like to keep things to myself. I do not any single person on the face of the earth to know every little thing about me. That is how I keep my individuality.
No, I do nothing think it’s offensive to say “nevermind”. I think that shows him I’m strong enough to decide what I should tell him and what I shouldn’t. I’m not hiding my affairs, or dirty closet secret. I’m hiding personal, intimate, deep thoughts about myself that are NO ONES business but mine. You subscribe to the thought police mentality. You should get and deserve to know everything. I do not subscribe to that. You don’t have to “get it” you just have to respect that others don’t share your views.
Intimacy is NOT sharing everything. Intimacy is letting him in to whatever level I deem appropriate. My version of intimacy does not have to be the same as yours. I respect your view, but I certainly don’t agree with it.
MemberI’m just tired of seeing threads where someone asks a question, someone answers the question, the OP says “But that isn’t RIGHT” and it just goes in circles.
I mean, it’s possible to not understand someone’s choice without dogging them for it.
If you truly want to close this thread, post in support and we’ll do that for you.
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MemberOk everyone let’s take a deep breath. The purpose of the post was to see if you kept secrets and if so why? It was not a personal attack on any one person. I think it was more of an ok if you feel this way why do you feel this way and what would you do in X situation? I think some people are taking it to heart and it has gotten a little heated.
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MemberIntimacy is NOT sharing everything. Intimacy is letting him in to whatever level I deem appropriate. My version of intimacy does not have to be the same as yours. I respect your view, but I certainly don’t agree with it.’
I like how you worded those points. That’s how I feel exactly.
The topic ‘Spinoff: Do you have secrets you will never tell your SO?’ is closed to new replies.