(Closed) Spinoff- Do You Snoop?

posted 4 years ago in The Lounge
  • poll: Do you snoop on your SO?
    Yes, and he/she does not know : (10 votes)
    6 %
    Yes, and he/ she knows I do it : (27 votes)
    16 %
    I have, but it's not a regular occurance : (67 votes)
    40 %
    No, never ever : (65 votes)
    38 %
  • Post # 16
    1167 posts
    Bumble bee

    You guys have no idea how glad I am that some people are also strong believers in NO SNOOPING.  There are some seriously twisted arguments here about breaking their partner’s trust and I just cannot understand why it’s being revered in any way.  It’s like Taxi Confessional and we just accept this bad behaviors as norm. 

    I’m glad I’m not the only one against any sort of justification when it comes to breaking someone’s privacy.  More power to you ladies who are in the same boat as I that believes strong and healthy relationships need not have these “footnotes” regarding privacy. 

    Post # 17
    3092 posts
    Sugar bee

    If I suspect some thing and I was with someone and wasn’t sure about some things even after asking him questions,damn right I’d snoop.

    If it wasn’t for me snooping,I wouldn’t have found out my ex husband was having an affair.Not snooping could have caused me to get something I could not get rid off so I am so glad I did. I am a firm believer that if you don’t trust him, then leave. But sometimes things aren’t so black and white (especially when I had the type of ex who would swear to my face with tears in his eyes that his lover was crazy and making up shyt).  So I had to make sure if I was justified, especially since I had two kids by him and I needed that evidence before deciding to break up my family. So yes,I am a strong proponent of snooping under certain circumstances.It could save your life.

    Post # 18
    3092 posts
    Sugar bee

    And men who are honorable and transparent wouldn’t have these problems. You no longer have a right to privacy if your less than honorable actions can kill me.Fuck that.

    Post # 19
    5113 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: December 2014

    We know all of eachother’s passwords, just for convenience, but we rarely use them. I take care of all of the bills so I use his passwords to sign in to his accounts to pay them and I would look through his CC statement, just to make sure nothing weird (i.e. fraudulent) is on there, but that’s about it. I’ve signed into his email before on occasion, but it’s usually for something mundane, like seeing if that craigslist seller responded or whatever. 

    Post # 20
    187 posts
    Blushing bee

    I have, on one person. My gut knew something was wrong. It’s easy to say that if you get to the point of wanting to snoop to just leave since there is no trust, but sometimes it’s really hard to trust OURSELVES, when the person has gaslighted you for so long making you feel like you are crazy for even questioning them.

    I only recommend snooping if you are prepared to find what you suspect and are prepared to leave when you find it. 


    My guy now I wouldn’t even have to snoop we both just leave everything out, but I have never even been tempted to snoop on him. This is why I would never berate a bee for admitting to snoooping. If something is telling you that you should, maybe you should. If you find you are wanting to snoop on every single guy you are with then you might have a problem in yourself but gut feelings shouldnt’ be ignored. 


    If my guy suddenly got private or if I started to date someone and they were weird about hiding their phone or had talks about privacy and made a big deal out of it, it would be a red flag to me. I like transparency, and funny enough, when I get it, I give tons of privacy. 

    Post # 21
    3292 posts
    Sugar bee

    Never felt the need to snoop on him, I trust him 100%, he’s never done anything to make me feel I can’t trust him. I would feel disrespected if he went through my texts, emails or drawers so I wouldn’t do it to him for that reason alone.

    Post # 22
    575 posts
    Busy bee

    I’m nosey. I know his phone password so sometimes I will look at his pictures or at his Facebook if I’m bored. He is always in the room or the car with me and knows that I’m doing it and has never told me it’s not ok. He just tells me not to comment on or like anything. I do not look at his emails, phone log, or his text messages though. It’s probably all work related and boring to me. And really, he’s a smart man, so if there was something he wanted to hide I hope he wouldn’t be dumb enough to leave it on his phone. Honestly I trust him. He doesn’t ever look through my phone, but I wouldn’t mind if he did. 

    Post # 23
    210 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: January 2015

    If I am noticing little red flags starting to pop up then I absolutely will investigate, with zero qualms about it. And I will confront with any evidence or proof I find immediately and without apology. If I am the one being wronged by the other person to begin with why should I be considered the bad guy and get lambasted for seeking proof of that wrongdoing? 

    Had it not been for doing my own detective work I never would’ve discovered my ex-H’s numerous affairs, one of which was with a close family member of mine. Red flags went up, I went to snooping, and voila! Divorce court. 

    Post # 24
    740 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2016

    We’re pretty open and I pick up his phone every couple of months if I feel like it. I’ve felt uncomfortable about his phone in the past (at the beginning of our relationship) and it can be a sore spot for me but he’s told me straight out I can look at his phone whenever I want. There’s not much between us that could be secret anyway, he spends all of his down time with me and the rest at work. He can look at my stuff anytime he’d like and I’d never mind either. 

    I don’t think it’s a bad idea to share your phone or computer with someone else, especially the person you live with and are marrying. I’d definitely find it more of a red flag if he wouldn’t let me look. If he needed something to remain private he would definitely let me know, but again, there’s not much that needs to be. We’re very open with each other and I prefer it this way.

    Post # 25
    2348 posts
    Buzzing bee

    MrsFiveOh:  I’ve never snooped but I’ve also never had a reason to snoop. Darling Husband and I are super open about all of our stuff though. We know each other’s passwords for everything basically out of necessity. He’ll ask me to go into his email or check on something for him and I’ll just hand him my laptop to check on something if his is in the other room. But, he would never just take my laptop without asking and I wouldn’t log into his without him asking. I think it’s just common courtesy. I also wouldn’t walk in the bathroom while he was in there and vice versa. 

    I can sort of understand women who snoop because their SO is being really suspicious. I’ve never been in that position but if you really think someone is cheating and they’re being super weird I can imagine that the temptation to snoop would be strong. 


    Post # 26
    589 posts
    Busy bee

    I look at his texts, sure, but not in a malicious or suspicious way and he sees me doing it and doesn’t think it’s weird either and it’s once in a blue moon. I’m just generally curious what he chats about with his friends and if he mentions me/what he says. It was really sweet the way he conveyed that I was too stressed from school stuff to hang out to his friend who wanted to go to a movie with us, he didn’t minimize my stress/anxiety and he really stood up for me and it wouldn’t be something he mentioned to me on his own.  Or i’ll be flipping through his inbox and comment on a funny thing that our friend said to him. My phones an open book for him as well and I often tell him to read over funny conversations I’ve had as well. He had my phone when my best friend texted me she was engaged, so technically he knew before I did. I had a migrane and told him to tell me what it said because I didn’t want to look at the screen. I know all of his logins for everything, emails, facebook, medical stuff etc. because he often asks me to check things for him while he’s at work, school, etc. but unless I have a *reason* to go on I normally don’t.  He’s had my christmas present in a box that I know about with a “don’t snoop!” warning for a week and I haven’t touched that either….so i’d say I don’t. 

    Post # 28
    385 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2015

    I have never snooped on my husband since the day we met. I trust him completely, and he has never given me a reason to be suspicious. We keep things pretty out-in-the-open at home, anyway, so there is no reason for either of us to snoop. If I ever felt like I needed to snoop on someone, I wouldn’t be with that person in the first place.

    Post # 29
    2587 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    MrsFiveOh:  I don’t snoop. I use his phone if I’m busy doing something else on an app on mine but I don’t nose through his stuff. He’s usually in the room when this happens. He’s actually noisier than I am and tends to look over my shoulder if I’m on my phone and he comes near me. That really annoys me, not that I have anything to hide.

    I’ve looked at the odd message on his phone if it’s from someone I don’t recognise, or it’s a message from his Mum which I know involves the both of us, or if it’s from an old friend we haven’t heard from in a while. I don’t have FB and he does so he gets more updates than I do. But I’ve never touched his stuff, electronic or otherwise, with the intention to snoop.

    Post # 30
    3903 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 2017

    I entered this relationship with major trust issues due to things that happend in my life before as well as how I wad raised and seeing thing that happends in my parents relationship and their relationships after divorce… a lot of damage was done and I have trust issues. I am still working on them, it’s been getting better. He knows I have trust issues, he is being as transparent and honest and patient as he can. We had a big talk at the beginning of the relationship aboht this and he has been helping me and supporting me through out this, me building trust im h and our relationship. Im the type if person that doesnt trust anyone untill I know I can because histoty shows I can…. so it takes a while for me to build trust. He  is the type of person who just trusts untill history shows he cant trust that person. We had some issues about this and lots of late night talks… and he gets me. I know all his passwords, he doesnt lock his phone, we do budgets together and I can pretty much snoop everywhere if I wanted too but I generally dont. I deel like doing it makes me feel crazy and petty and insecure and stupid and I feel awful after it, not relieved. I did check out a couple minor things here and there allong the way but it was in a moment of weakness and happened only a couple times and I felt awful and hated myself for it. And im not proud of it. We have been together for 3.5 years and living together almost as long. We pretty much have a merged budget and everytging else and we are supper close and I have reached a point where I trust him 95% of the time about 95% of things. I would like to say 100% but I cant yet. This is a huge progress because when I entered the relationship I was like ” I dont trust men, period” He has been so honest and patient and loving and supportive. 🙂 I came around 🙂 i hope that by the wedding it will be 100% I know the last 5% are the hardest but i’m working on it.

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