Post # 1
So, another post got me thinking. Do any of you tell your SO/FI/DH/DW everything? I don’t mean about yourself, but about things others confide in you. Would you tell him that your best friend is struggling with infertility? Or that your brother is filing for bankruptcy?
Do you consider the things others tell you in confidence to be just between you and them? Or do you feel that telling your SO doesn’t count? Does it matter who the secret comes from or what it is about? Would you tell someone you are just dating? At what point does that relationship become such that you feel that telling something to one of you is the same as telling it to both of you?
Also, do you assume your friends share your confidences with their SOs? Does it bother you?
I will admit I tell my husband EVERYTHING. There are no limits. We are husband and wife and I will share everything and anything with him. The only exception would be if someone specifically asked me to not tell Mr. Neva. But I’ve never had anyone ask me that, and I think if they did, I might ask that they not tell me…that would feel weird to me.
I always assumed everyone else told their SOs everything, but I’m learning that isn’t the case. For me, I don’t mind if someone I trust a secret wtih would tell their spouse because anyone I trust enough to tell has a spouse I trust too. I can see that being an issue though if my best friend was married to someone I couldn’t stand.
Post # 3
Yes I tell him everything unless specifically asked not to.
Post # 4
I feel like I can tell him everything. But I’m thinking that maybe there might be some hypothetical situation in which I’d have to keep a secret. It could happen! I vote “other.”
Post # 5
I guess I’m one of those people who feel it “doesn’t count” to tell my Fiance, but I didn’t do that until after a few years of dating. I wouldn’t tell a boyfriend really personal stuff someone else told me. If someone asked me specifically not to tell Fiance, I wouldn’t as long as it didn’t affect us or anything.
Post # 6
Um… I would never lie to him. But if he doesn’t NEED to know something, and someone has told me in confidence, I don’t see why I would break their trust. Also– he doesn’t really care about my friends’ personal lives anyways. 🙂
Post # 7
It is hard to answer because the question is so general. Do I tell him everything? YES. However, if something was very personal to someone that confided in me, probably not. But I never lie and I am always open about things. I just choose not to bring things up that are private to others, for the most part.
Post # 8
@PitBulLover: Exactly. If someone specifically asks me to keep something from him I won’t tell him, but if you just tell me it’s a secret, I’ll usually tell him.
Post # 9
I tell Fiance EVERYTHING Unless a friend told me not to tell him… But we also have a full disclosure policy I was at a bar and one of HIS friends tried to kiss me knowing that i was engaged to Fiance…. As soon as i got home (FI wasnt at the bar with me) I told him… The way I look at it if I would want Fi to tell me then I tell him!
Post # 10
I tell Darling Husband everything unless I am specifically told something in confidence. My friends pretty much assume that I tell Darling Husband everything, not to mention he and I share a lot of the same friends so occasionally they’ll talk about super personal stuff in front of him anyway, lol.
Post # 10
Sounds like I need to adjust the poll…
Post # 11
I tell him everything, very little exceptions. If someone asks me not to tell him, I wouldn’t. But so far that hasn’t happened. My girlfriends and I have an understanding that if we tell each other something, the SO’s will find out.
Post # 12
Darling Husband and I are both the friends that everyone tells everything to. At times it can be stressful when holding so many sercrets of other people. I technically took an oath (psych degree) and it makes it easier to keep everyone’s secrets. However, he used to tell me everything until this happened:
We have friends who are engaged. They were DH’s friends first. The male in the relationship told Darling Husband that he was cheating. Darling Husband told me this and I kept it to myself. Well then a week later Darling Husband then tells me that our male friend is cheating with a woman that we all know. I kept it to myself. Then a couple weeks later the Bride announces her wedding party and her Maid/Matron of Honor is the women in which her fiance has cheated on her with. This ate at me so badly, that I have now distanced myself from them both. It also made me made at Darling Husband that he would be friends with someone like this. So then I just asked him to stop telling me things and now we keep it to ourselves.
Post # 13
No way – I don’t share my friend’s personal stuff with him, unless it involves him directly. It isn’t hard and fast – but I don’t go running off to him as a gossip outlet. I’m sure I’ve told him info in conversation about my day, etc. but I try to make an effort to keep relationships separate (much like if I was talking to another friend – I’m not about to go share another friend’s info with them).
I’m one of the last of my friend’s to get married and I really appreciated those friends who did that (didn’t share) my issues that they were privy to. I wouldn’t feel the need to add the disclaimer (please don’t share this with your husband) – that seems so silly to me.
I’m also super sensitive about information certain friends share about me to other mutual friends – perhaps that’s why I’m so careful about it with Darling Husband. My friend’s issues are really none of his business!
Post # 14
I think that telling Fiance doesn’t count. He’s my Fiance, we’ve been dating for 3.5 years, living together for 3 of those years. When we first started dating, no, I didn’t tell him everything, but it wasn’t like I was keeping anything from him. I just didn’t think he’d be interested in my friends drama. Now that we’ve started to build a life together, if you tell me, you tell him. And I agree with PP that if someone were to specifically ask me NOT to tell him, I would just ask them not to tell me, I don’t want to have to keep anything from him, it would just feel weird. (Unless it was a present I was planning on buying him, or pictures of me in my dress before the big day! Those are the only exceptions!!)
Post # 15
For the most part I tell him everything. Our friends (and they are overwhelmingly mutual) understand that, and if it’s something they really really don’t want one of us to know about, they’ll say it.