(Closed) Spinoff: Do you think one parent "trumps" another?

posted 6 years ago in Parenting
  • poll: Do moms get to trump a dad since they carried the baby?
    No, both parents get an equal say : (72 votes)
    82 %
    Yep, moms go through the work they get to call the shots : (16 votes)
    18 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    110 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    Takes two to tango, and two to bring up a child.

    I think during pregnancy you can pull a ‘little’ bit of a sympathy card although i’m sure it gets tiring for the man quickly! And during recovery you can seriously pull the trump card but only on the physical and emotional stuff related to delivery and post-partum – with the understanding that HE is also shattered, overwhelmed, emotional, terrfiied, joyful and totally out of his depth too.

    Post # 4
    Member
    2697 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    Wow, I’m surprised at the poll results! I’d like to hear from the people who think mom trumps dad!

    Post # 5
    Member
    110 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    ps. NOT saying you NEED two to bring up a child. I meant that in the above situation! No offence to single wonder mums/dads out there!

    Post # 6
    Member
    3220 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    Haven’t had a baby, so I can’t really talk, but I think I’m going to be crabby/emotional/demanding until we leave the hospital.  This isn’t to say I’ll get a “trump card” but I could see Fiance saying “whatever she says!”  

    I don’t personally agree with glorifying labor and push presents and all that stuff.  I’m doing what my body was made to do– I will be exhausted and crabby, but I’ll still want to check with my partner on the big decisions, even if I carried the baby for 9 months.

    Post # 7
    Member
    2712 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Um no.  Mom does not trump Dad because she carried the baby.  Growing a baby doesn’t automaically make one the better parent or cause one to know more about babies than the other.

    Post # 9
    Member
    5977 posts
    Bee Keeper

    While I think that it’s nice that the dad accommodates the mom during pregnancy, once the baby is here, each parent gets equal say. I have friends who think that b/c they’re the mom, they get more weight in decision making. I just think that’s so wrong. They all just tell me, “when it’s your kid, you’ll learn. You have 100% say in everything. Your husband’s opinion doesn’t matter.” I hate when they say that to me, b/c it’s my DH’s kid too…why doesn’t he get a say?

    Post # 10
    Member
    110 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    @2PeasinaPod: Totally agree with you about your friends. Surely if you are a partnership, married or not, you are one solid parental unit. You make it work together otherwise surely your children and your relationshiip suffer? Happy, appreciated parents are better parents than undermined childish parents!

    It can also lay a platform for ‘mum can i have X?’ No ‘ dad can i have X?’ Yes. And then both the dad and the child get in trouble because they aren’t acting as one.

    Post # 11
    Member
    10288 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I actually kind of think that mom does trump dad in some instances. Obviously not at all times or in every situation but if there comes a time when the parents disagree on whatever it is and someone has to “win”, then that someone should probably be the person who suffered through 9 months of pregnancy and expelled a human from her body over the guy who just watched the whole thing go down from the sidelines.

    With that said, maybe I feel the way I do because I was raised by an incredibly strong single mother who made sacrifice after sacrifice for me. Even back when my parents were together and we were a “family”, my mom still trumped my father because she knew better and cared much more about my well being than he did. To outsiders, he looked like the picture perfect dad but behind closed doors, he was far from it. My mom was probably portrayed as a serious bitch at times but in reality, she was only doing what was best for me when my father was too clueless to function as an adequate parent. 

    In normal families where both parents are competent, I’d say that they should probably be on equal ground. Unfortunately, “normal families” aren’t all that common anymore. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    13099 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    Both parents get equal say.  They both helped create the child and if they are both going to be raising the child, it has to be a joint effort with both sets of thoughts/opinions involved.

    Post # 13
    Member
    2697 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    @UpstateCait:  Ugh. It sucks when people have such an idyllic view of a family life that isn’t and judge people for it.

    For the sake of argument, can you give an example where the mom would win? EDIT (meant in a relationship where both adults are…you know…not sucky.)

    Post # 14
    Member
    691 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    If you do not agree on breast feeding (i.e. mom doesn’t want to and dad wants mom to) then i think mom trumps dad, but that is probably the only instance i see that happening

    Post # 16
    Member
    2548 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I think in most cases, both parents have to come to a compromise. But since, I am a stay at home mom, I think I do know what is best for our routine, and what type of discipline works best for our son, since I’ve been the one to do trial and error. So there have been times when my husband has done something totally out of the realm of what is our usual, and I’ll have to tell him that its confusing for our son, since that isn’t what we do when he’s at work.

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