Post # 61
My Fiance have had general discussions about our histories and such, but never nailed down an exact number. It was never that serious of a conversation. I would be pissed if he had lied to me though. I don’t care about the number of partners as much as the lying. I had a few FWB relationships, but never a ONS. It was a matter of personal comfort rather than moral objection. Do what you want to make you happy, just be safe about it, was always my motto. My Fiance respects that I only slept with people I knew fairly well, but he wouldn’t judge me if I behaved differently. What he cares about is that I don’t have a history of cheating on partners or having unprotected sex. He cares that I got tested reguarly even with using protection, and that I was honest with him about my history. We both enjoy sex and have had plenty of it with previous partners, but it doesn’t in any way take away from what we have together. I understand feeling anxious and lying on the spot, but he deserves the truth and he’s not wrong to feel upset about being lied to. He has no right to judge you, and I don’t think it’s right to make you feel bad for having a certain amount of partners.
Post # 62
He never asked exactly, but we did have a frank discussion before engaging in uh.. Adult shenanigans. I would want to know my partners history for health reasons.
Post # 63
Annonnie89: Not that this should even matter because quite frankly I think OP should be free of judgement even if she banged the whole football team as long as she was safe but, she did make it clear from her posts that 6 of her 8 partners were boyfriends. That is, she has had more sex in relationships than outside of them. So this whole “values and integrity” “indiscriminate bonking” nonsense is bullshit. OP was doing exactly what you approve of. She was in a relationship with majority of her partners.
Post # 64
twodancinft: I was never talking about the OP. I was responding to PPs who said that numbers don’t matter to them or their SOs. Numbers matter to me and I was explaining why. I will never tolerate another manwhore again. But you are free to do whatever you want with whomever you want.
Post # 65
All of them are or were his friends, so yes he knows the real number.
Post # 66
he was my first and only! And yes, he knows!!! 🙂
Post # 67
I know his and be knows mine. My friends and I were discussing this recently, whether it was important to know or not.
Personally, it’s important for me to know because I think it can be telling (depending on the circumstances).
Post # 68
My SO never asked and when I asked his number in turn he didn’t want to know mine. He has an estimate in his head which is about ¼ of what my number actually is.
Post # 69
Early in our relationship (months before marriage was on the radar) I lied about my number. I honestly never thought of that conversation again.
He claims he has thought about it “a million times”. Therefore by never correcting it, he thinks I have been “making a decision everyday to live a lie.” Thus my questionable values and integrity.
He got up this afternoon. No change in his opinion. My apology for hurting him was not accepted. Says this relationship was built on a lie at the very foundation. Left to go eat at his parents and said he was going to work from there…..
Who new a false number given after a “how many guys have been lucky enough to be with you” question while drinking wine less than 2 month of dating would come back to haunt me after this long.
How wierd that he has thought about it a million times…..like when, everytime we have sex?
Is it some wierd fantasy/day dream about my past that is now ruined?
Once again thanks for the advice. Positive thoughts and prayers.
I promise I wont rant about this anymore.
Post # 70
- Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman
He never asked, he isn’t one to dwell on the past. I did ask him when we were first getting to know each other and he actually lied to make it seem higher because he was embarrassed about his lack of experience, which he confessed to me later on when he felt more comfortable with me. It really wouldn’t have mattered to me either way, I was just curious I guess.
Post # 71
I haven’t read all the responses, but I gotta say that I actually don’t even know my own number! Lost count! I won’t allow anyone to question my ‘values’ or ‘integrity’.
Post # 72
IMO, he was hurt becauase you lied. He will get over it and you will get past this. I’ve only slept with my Fiance, he on the other hand is in the double digits…I do not know the exact number and I don’t care. I was a late bloomer and yeah.. But I bet you he is just upset over the fact that you weren’t honest right off the bat. It hurts but like I said, he will get over it!!! He loves you 🙂
Post # 73
He never asked but I told him anyways, I don’t know why, just felt like something I needed to share! I’ve had 8 partners including him, which is a little bit more than he has had. I don’t have any printed pictures of anyone else because no one else was that serious, maybe there were some on my computer but I deleted them.
I think burning old pictures is a little dramatic. If he really judges you for having 9 total partners, he’s an ass, and if he can’t get over a white lie you told at least two years ago, he’s an ass. It sucks that you weren’t honest with him, but if that’s your biggest issue, it would be insane to throw away a marriage over that.
Post # 74
NurseShannon: to be honest, I think there must be something else going on besides the lie about your number. Your husband should’t be this upset about something you did or said years ago.
I suspect that he’s using the lie about your number as an excuse for something else.
Post # 75
Since I only ever had sex with Darling Husband he knows. I mean – I had to tell him. I didn’t know what I was doing. I was his number four. I never asked – he just offered it up on our first date.