(Closed) Spinoff: Does FI/Hubby/SO know the real number

posted 4 years ago in Intimacy
  • poll: Does four FI/Hubby/SO know your real number of previous sexual partners?
    He was a true gentleman and never asked. : (110 votes)
    30 %
    Yes, he knows the exact number. : (196 votes)
    54 %
    No, he knows a number close but not the exact number. : (38 votes)
    10 %
    No, he knows a number not even close to my actual number. : (20 votes)
    5 %
  • Post # 61
    Member
    654 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2015

    My Fiance have had general discussions about our histories and such, but never nailed down an exact number.  It was never that serious of a conversation.  I would be pissed if he had lied to me though.  I don’t care about the number of partners as much as the lying.  I had a few FWB relationships, but never a ONS.  It was a matter of personal comfort rather than moral objection.  Do what you want to make you happy, just be safe about it, was always my motto.  My Fiance respects that I only slept with people I knew fairly well, but he wouldn’t judge me if I behaved differently.  What he cares about is that I don’t have a history of cheating on partners or having unprotected sex.  He cares that I got tested reguarly even with using protection, and that I was honest with him about my history.  We both enjoy sex and have had plenty of it with previous partners, but it doesn’t in any way take away from what we have together.  I understand feeling anxious and lying on the spot, but he deserves the truth and he’s not wrong to feel upset about being lied to.  He has no right to judge you, and I don’t think it’s right to make you feel bad for having a certain amount of partners.

    Post # 62
    Member
    4858 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    He never asked exactly, but we did have a frank discussion before engaging in uh.. Adult shenanigans. I would want to know my partners history for health reasons. 

    Post # 63
    Member
    401 posts
    Helper bee

    Annonnie89:  Not that this should even matter because quite frankly I think OP should be free of judgement even if she banged the whole football team as long as she was safe but, she did make it clear from her posts that 6 of her 8 partners were boyfriends. That is, she has had more sex in relationships than outside of them. So this whole “values and integrity” “indiscriminate bonking” nonsense is bullshit. OP was doing exactly what you approve of. She was in a relationship with majority of her partners. 

    Post # 64
    Member
    526 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2014

    twodancinft:  I was never talking about the OP.  I was responding to PPs who said that numbers don’t matter to them or their SOs.  Numbers matter to me and I was explaining why. I will never tolerate another manwhore again.  But you are free to do whatever you want with whomever you want.

    Post # 65
    Member
    5188 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: February 2013

    All of them are or were his friends, so yes he knows the real number.

    Post # 66
    Member
    1135 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    he was my first and only! And yes, he knows!!! 🙂

    Post # 67
    Member
    617 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2016

    I know his and be knows mine. My friends and I were discussing this recently, whether it was important to know or not.

    Personally, it’s important for me to know because I think it can be telling (depending on the circumstances). 

    Post # 68
    Member
    2110 posts
    Buzzing bee

    My SO never asked and when I asked his number in turn he didn’t want to know mine. He has an estimate in his head which is about ¼ of what my number actually is.

    Post # 70
    Member
    3114 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

    He never asked, he isn’t one to dwell on the past. I did ask him when we were first getting to know each other and he actually lied to make it seem higher because he was embarrassed about his lack of experience, which he confessed to me later on when he felt more comfortable with me. It really wouldn’t have mattered to me either way, I was just curious I guess. 

    Post # 71
    Member
    927 posts
    Busy bee

    I haven’t read all the responses, but I gotta say that I actually don’t even know my own number! Lost count! I won’t allow anyone to question my ‘values’ or ‘integrity’.

    Post # 72
    Member
    1135 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    IMO, he was hurt becauase you lied. He will get over it and you will get past this. I’ve only slept with my Fiance, he on the other hand is in the double digits…I do not know the exact number and I don’t care. I was a late bloomer and yeah.. But I bet you he is just upset over the fact that you weren’t honest right off the bat. It hurts but like I said, he will get over it!!! He loves you 🙂

    Post # 73
    Member
    1444 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    He never asked but I told him anyways, I don’t know why, just felt like something I needed to share! I’ve had 8 partners including him, which is a little bit more than he has had. I don’t have any printed pictures of anyone else because no one else was that serious, maybe there were some on my computer but I deleted them.

    I think burning old pictures is a little dramatic. If he really judges you for having 9 total partners, he’s an ass, and if he can’t get over a white lie you told at least two years ago, he’s an ass. It sucks that you weren’t honest with him, but if that’s your biggest issue, it would be insane to throw away a marriage over that.

    Post # 74
    Member
    526 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2014

    NurseShannon:  to be honest, I think there must be something else going on besides the lie about your number.  Your husband should’t be this upset about something you did or said years ago.  

    I suspect that he’s using the lie about your number as an excuse for something else.  

    Post # 75
    Member
    1387 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    Since I only ever had sex with Darling Husband he knows. I mean – I had to tell him. I didn’t know what I was doing. I was his number four. I never asked – he just offered it up on our first date. 

    The topic ‘Spinoff: Does FI/Hubby/SO know the real number’ is closed to new replies.

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