SPINOFF: Fiance's friend trying on your ring

posted 2 weeks ago in Rings
Post # 2
Member
5244 posts
Bee Keeper

I feel sorry for the guy marrying a woman who would get so bent out of shape over something that unimportant. And accusing him of wanting to marry the friend? Ridiculously overdramatic. I realize some women are funny about their rings, but it’s just a material object, no matter how much sentiment you attach to it. It has no bearing on your relationship whatsoever. And since it’s just a material object, it can be lost, broken or stolen. A thing is just a thing. People are irreplaceable, not things.

Post # 3
Member
4083 posts
Honey bee

I actually think sometimes we forget how much effort and thought the men put into the rings, not to mention money!

He was proud of his purchase and wanted to show it off.  Sure, maybe he should have waited until his fiancé was in the room to allow anyone to try it on, but I don’t think he had any ill intentions.

 

Post # 4
Member
74 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

I would be irritated to walk in and find a friend with my ring on their ring finger, particularly so if there was some insecurity there around her. However, I would never cause a scene at the time but would speak to him about it afterwards and why it bothered me. 

I am the kind of woman that doesn’t want other women to know they’ve affected me or my relationship as I have met far too many who enjoy that drama and will go out of their way to cause it 

Post # 5
Member
4083 posts
Honey bee

I also think it’s ok that she was upset about the situation, but I agree that she should have waited until after the party and had a calm, mature conversation with her fiancé about it.

and it’s ok to have boundaries surrounding personal property, but freaking out and accusing him of “proposing” to her tells me that there is something amiss in this relationship.

Post # 6
Member
2495 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: City, State

I let my best friend try on my ring once. I think she’s been the only one who asked, and I was fine with it. I’ve never offered to anyone to try it on, though. My husband has certainly never found himself in that position, but I can guarantee you that his response would be, “Ask her first.” 

It just would never occur to me to have a knock-down-drag-out as either person in the Reddit post. She could have easily said, “I’d prefer that next time, the person admiring my ring either not be allowed to try it on or ask me first.” And he should never have doubled down and gotten defensive of his actions once he realized she was upset. Just a breakdown in communication, honestly. 

What boggles my mind is why the woman in the Reddit post left her ring sitting on the coffee table, especially with a bunch of guests over. Perhaps it’s just me, but I value my ring too much to put it anywhere other than securely in its box or in the ring dish I have for it next to the sink/on my bedside table. 

Post # 7
Member
4083 posts
Honey bee

View original reply
@bouviebee:  right?  I take my ring off anytime I am cooking or doing dishes, but I have places in my room where I would store it.  Or it would be in the kitchen with me.

Post # 9
Member
561 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I think there was no ill intent meant by letting his friend try on the ring.  However, I do think it would have been appropriate to let his newly engaged determine if she wanted the friend to try on the ring.  I think the newly engaged’s reaction, in front of others, was immature and not appropriate in front of guests.  In terms of her behavior once everyone left, her reaction was petulant.  It sounds like she needs to work on understanding her insecurities because it won’t get better and will 100% cause problems in the future.  Should he try to listen to his SO’s perspective and not downplay it?  Absolutely, but does he need to fall on his sword for this lapse in judgement?  Eh, nope.  I honestly think her behavior may show some red flags that they may have some things they need to work out before they get married. 

Post # 10
Member
13924 posts
Honey Beekeeper

I agree that it was inappropriate and wrong for the OP to let his friend try on the ring without his fiance’s explicit permission and that it was disrespectful to disregard her obvious feelings about it when she came into the room. I also agree that it was dumb of her to leave the rings behind in another room, but that doesn’t make it any less inconsiderate. 

For her part, the fiance should have been polite to C despite the fact that it was rude of her as well not to get permission from the ring’s actual owner, and saved the discussion for later, in private. The part about it being like he proposed to this woman was absurd, but it’s also possible she was frustrated and overreacted because the OP was defensive and kept arguing with her that he’d done nothing wrong. 

It does sound like she’s not a fan of the female friend or the relationship between her and the OP. Bottom line, he was wrong, and she overreacted. 

Post # 11
Member
1410 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2021 - Australia

It’s never really about the ring, is it.

I mean without the sentiment and meaning behind it, an engagement ring just another piece of jewellery. And without the context of her having concerns about their relationship, perhaps his fiance might not have minded so much having this *specific* friend try it on, so context is key.

The REAL issue here is that he hasn’t addressed those concerns sufficiently for her to feel secure.

Now maybe she is really against him having female friends and generally suspicious of other women etc etc. Or maybe she just gets a vibe about this one girl and there are loads of microaggressions which she’s mentioned to him, and he’s brushed her off as being ‘too sensitive’ etc, when this other woman is being a typical mean girl and acting totally innocent knowing full well what she’s playing at.

We don’t have enough context in that story to know. 

I do know that when I first got my engagement ring, my sister wanted to try it on since it was a size smaller than hers and she wanted to see if it was a better size for her since hers was too big. She spent ages looking at it and seeing if it was comfortable, and I started getting antsy and just wanting my ring back. And this was my OWN SISTER. Who had asked if she could try it on.

If I came back from the bathroom and found some woman my fiance had blinders on about wearing my ring, I would likewise be really upset.

And I agree with weddingmaven. I  think she was being facetious when she said it was as if he’d proposed to her. She was trying to explain that it was something intimate and special between the two of them which he had now spoilt and so she over-exaggerated.

The main problem here as I said at the start isn’t really the ring at all. It’s the lack of consideration for the partner’s thought’s and feelings which is the true issue. 

 

Post # 12
Member
216 posts
Helper bee

I seriously cannot comprehend the amount of people on that reddit thread who have their panties in a wad about the idea of someone else trying on their ring for a even a second. I’m not talking about the specific scenario of the fiance letting the woman try on the ring, but all the commenters with hundreds of upvotes saying that no one else will EVER EVEN TOUCH THEIR RING- GOD SO HELP THEM!! …Like, what? Are these same people also scared of cracks in the pavement and black cats? Come on…

Post # 14
Member
900 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Regardless of whether or not it’s cool to have others try on your ring (and this is totally up to the individual — it’s their property!), in this specific scenario the guy was an asshat. Doesn’t respect his fiancee’s feelings, and in the comments you can see many of his replies are childish and condescending (tries to pass off the situation as ‘girl things’, as if females are a different lifeform…). I mean, I’m glad he’s going to apologize at least.

Fiancee could’ve handled it better than losing her cool, but she must’ve felt pretty awful when he wasn’t even on her side. She still made nice and entertained the guests with food so, she’s a bigger person than him. Overreacting might include – slapping someone, ragequitting the party, calling off the engagement. The party went on, nobody was uncomfortable enough to go home, so… I don’t even think she overreacted. It wasn’t about the ring, but the feeling that he didn’t have her back.

If I left my ring in a room with my husband, I’m SURE his answer would be, to anyone who wanted to try it on, ‘ask her yourself’. Sure I’d be cool with people trying it on, but I would NOT be cool with my husband handing it out to someone I disliked and THEN not even acknowledging my right to be upset about it. The way he dismissed her feelings when she entered the room was not cool and only escalated the situation.

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