(Closed) Spinoff: For those that were never “waiting”

posted 9 years ago in Weddingbee
Post # 62
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
@saraja87: But a lot of guys don’t want to be proposed to. And they would say no.

Post # 63
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I was never in the waiting stage either but I think that age definitely had a lot to do with that. We got engaged after 8 months of dating and will get married a year and 8 months after meeting. I think that it happened that way though as I was 32 and he was 36 when we got engaged so age was definitely a factor!  

Post # 64
Member
925 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

View original reply
@Wonderwoman217: I think I knew that “waiting” existed but I swore I would never be “one of those girls.” Well, I also didn’t think I would ever wait almost 5 years to get engaged! The things you learn…. lol!

It was never because we weren’t “on the same page”–we both knew marriage would happen for us–but more because of our situation. We wanted to be financially stable before jumping into all of it.

Post # 65
Member
1051 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

 @VickyAurea I can’t speak to anyone else’s relationship but I know my DH would not have had a problem if I had propsed to him. In fact, he would have probably been really touched lol. Had I proposed at any time during that 8th year, he would have said yes because he was ready to be engaged. It seems like guys get a lot of pressre to propose and I’m not sure if it’s entirely fair. Two people are getting married here, not just one, and for me it felt like taking that step should be a joint decision. We had always talked about getting married and both knew that the other was ready at the time that he decided to propose.

Having said that, I would not propose to someone who is clearly not ready to take that step, even if I was ready to do so. Again, getting married is about the two of you together, the couple, not just one person. Hypothetically, if someone is in love with you and ready to be engaged, do you really think they’d refuse your proposal?  If you think your partner isn’t ready to get married, why would you be waiting for them to propose? I honestly don’t understand this since I know I personally wouldn’t want to be engaged to someone who wasn’t ready to marry me!

Again, it’s just my opinion and everyone is different, it’s just something about weddingbee that I’ve never understood.

Post # 67
Member
218 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I was never in a waiting stage with my Fiance iv known him for 10yrs when we started dating. shortly after dating i unofficially moved in with him like two and a half months later then i finally admitted we where living together and officially moved in four months later. We got engaged 10months into the relationship….we had talked about marraige from day one and our futures together we both knew we were going to spend the rest of our lives together so no waiting for me when you both just know and constantly let each other know that you are going to be with each other for the rest of your life, i doesn’t seem like theres a waiting period at all. Mu Fi is 26 and im 24…i guess i’m lucky. but i do understand how it feels to be the so called “waiting” though my ex and i where together for 3yrs went through the long distance and went throug him moving across country to be with me and buying a house together and we were just crazy about each other, and i remember waiting and thinking about what i was doing wrong? because he would tell me he wanted to marry me and we where planning our lives together …getting a house together etc. but still nothing, then things ended unbelieveably fast  he “fell out of love with me” so i get the waiting thing.

Post # 68
Member
1051 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

@Wonderwoman217  I wonder where most waiting people live? I live in Los Angeles and I don’t know any men who would blink or feel “not manly” if their girlfriends proposed. However, I am also used to a lot more reversed gender roles, I love to cook but I also fix and put together everything we buy. I set up all our electronics. My DH would not know how or want to do any of that. I love camping. His idea of camping is staying at the four seasons. He will probably be a stay at home dad since I am the primary bread winner. The decision to get married (among couples I know) is not for one person to make and many women I know have proposed to their boyfriends. I would have done so in a heartbeat had my DH not beaten me to it but we picked out my ring together.

I like your analogies but they still make me wonder. You know you’re going to get married eventually. You’re ready but he’s not quite there and he wants to propose to you. So why sweat it? He’ll get there when he gets there and in the meantime worrying about it seems like a huge waste of energy!

ETA: Sorry to derail the thread a bit, I know it was supposed to be about the length of the relationship! I was just insanely confused (and still am!) by all these great women seemingly waiting around miserable for their guy to propose! I don’t read the waiting posts but see them around all the time and always think hey! you know you can propose too if you’re both ready!

Post # 70
Member
441 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011 - St. Joseph's Parish, Seattle Tennis Club

Hmm, interesting. I never considered myself “waiting” per se. I had a few months where I WANTED him to propose, but I knew that we needed to wait a little while for it to happen. I guess that’s waiting? But I wasn’t in an active mindset about getting engaged; it was a real afterthought 🙂

Anyway, he proposed when we had been dating for 5.5 years. We were both 25.

Post # 71
Member
521 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012 - Salvage One, Chicago

I was never really waiting, either.  He proposed after 2 yrs, 4mo.  We met because we were supposed to be roommates, so we had lived together for the entire time we dated, engaged at 26 and him 28.  He asked me to look at rings with him 5 mo. before he proposed, so I suppose I was ‘waiting’ for him to do it for those 5 months!  We talked about marriage and our futures a lot before that, but always in the hypothetical.  I think age has a lot to do with it- but I have a friend who was ‘waiting’ after dating for a year!  She wasn’t in a rush to have kids or anything, she just really wanted to be engaged.  It just happened for her, after 2.5 yrs of dating. (and giving him the heavy press for a ring)

Post # 72
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Fiance and I had only been dating 4 months when he proposed…and truly, though I wouldn’t consider myself “waiting” at any point in that time, the week after I tried on rings to be sized felt like waiting!

Post # 73
Member
1542 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I never considered myself waiting at the time but thinking back maybe I was. I’m 22, we’ve been togther for 7 years and it was always a matter of, when we finish school, when we get a job, so in some way we were both waiting. We talked about marriage  but I always thought about a 2013 wedding do it was a total surprise when he proposed last month.

Post # 74
Member
899 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’m actually not sure where I fall, because I kind of wrangled the proposal out of him. If that wasn’t what he was intending, it’s sure what ended up happening, lol. I think I was just trying to clarify where he was going with what he was saying, and it turned into an engagement.

Post # 75
Member
625 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I never considered myself “waiting” because i was truly suprised that I got engaged after a year and 1/2 of dating. I was 27 and and he was 33. (keeping in mind we were friends for a year prior so when we started dating we knew we wanted it) But i had told him we would need a 2 year engagement to save and that i would like to be pregnate or start trying to have kids at or before i turn 30… so he could do the math himself and at the same time i think he didn’t want to be 38 or 40 when he starts to have kids.  Our 2 year engament ment became one after unforeseen family health issues but it all works out and omg 2 Months til we get married as of tomorrow we will have been engaged for 11 months…

Post # 76
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
@saraja87: Hmmmm I think you misunderstand what “waiting” is. For some, they only find the Bee when they know their SO has the ring, so they are literally waiting a few weeks/months because it is about to happen. For an equally large (or larger?) proportion (I’m really not sure how to measure it), waiting is not waking up each day, fingers crossed for a proposal today. It’s waiting for the other person to feel as ready as you do. Because sometimes, you just suddenly feel ready and that’s it. Many people (as shown by this thread) never get to that stage, either because they aren’t together for so long when they get engaged or because they are always feeling the same level of readiness towards marriage. But when one of you is more ready than the other, you have to wait for them to catch up. And what with proposals often containing an element of surprise, this can be confusing because you don’t always know if they’re not ready or if they finally are but don’t want to let you know before the proposal. It is a bizarre and frustrating state to be in sometimes, but other times people are happy to be waiting and to know it’ll happen eventually (as most do realise, when they’re having good days). But there is a thread out there at the moment that has times when people thing their time may come, and whilst many are in the new few months, many are in a few years’ time. If waiting meant physically waiting and expecting a proposal for every day of a several year period…… yeah, no-one could take that level of setting yourself up for disappointment.

The topic ‘Spinoff: For those that were never “waiting”’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors