(Closed) Spinoff: For those that were never “waiting”

posted 9 years ago in Weddingbee
Post # 77
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee

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@saraja87: I don’t think it’s about where you live, I think it’s about the person. If someone knows you would like to get engaged but they’re not ready yet, when they are ready, they know they can propose. If they’re not ready and you propose to them….. well, that is just pressure. It isn’t the actual proposal itself you’re waiting for – it’s the readiness. (Though, then there are those who have the readiness and the ring and are waiting for the actual proposal, usually a few months tops).

The best way to understand is to go introduce yourself on the waiting boards? Because everyone is so nice, honestly 🙂

 

Post # 78
Member
1463 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I’m going to buck the trend (kinda)

My DH was the “waiter” and I did the proposing.  We got together mid 2003, moved in together late 2004 and got engaged early 2010.  We’d talked about marriage and babies (including some half-arsed proposals from DH)  but it took me a loooong time to be emotionally ready to be married.

Along comes 05.05.2011, 2pm rolls around, I all of a sudden decide that I’m ready and I asked him in the car on the way home from work 🙂

Post # 80
Member
4652 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

We were engaged at 19 (22 now talk about a long engagement) So I didnt really have time to wait I knew it would happen now im just waiting for the wedding lol!

Post # 81
Member
7768 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

DH and I started seeing one another in January 2008 and were engaged by May 2009.  For me it was true that we knew we would get married right away.  Within two weeks we were talking marriage and had both stayed at one another’s parents with 2-4 weeks.  We just knew.  I once told my sister (who is single and 30) that I thought when you find the right person you will “just know.”  That was just my experience.  We were 24 and 28.  We got officially engaged with a ring in June 2009 and were married July 2010.  It went fast because it all felt right.  I was with someone for many years previously and it went no where but to he**.  So, in my experience, with my husband, we were engaged well before three years. 

 

Post # 82
Member
2408 posts
Buzzing bee

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@saraja87: I will say that I actually discussed proposing to my mister but we both decided that this was not what either one of us wanted. We both really wanted him to do the proposing. It doesn’t have anything to do with gender roles or locations but personal preferences. So sometimes the whole, “Why don’t you propose to him?” isn’t as simple as that. 

What I really want people to remember is that a lot of the ladies on the waiting board, myself included, ARE on the same page with their SOs, but sometimes the current siutation just doesn’t present the right environment for a marriage, let alone an engagement. The mister and I have both known that we wanted to marry each other early on in our relationship, however, I wasn’t ready to get married until about 3 years in and now we’re both looking for work before we can proceed any further. So our waiting comes from a mutual place. 

Though in the end, it seems the theory is pretty strong, despite the anolomies. Hopefully now people will begin to understand the Waiting board a bit more 🙂

Post # 83
Member
1327 posts
Bumble bee

I didn’t consider myself to be waiting until the 5 year mark. I have always wanted to wait at least 5 years before getting married, my Fiance proposed at almost 6 years. 🙂

Post # 84
Member
2154 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

We’d been together for about 10 years when we decided to get married because of legal issues, and because we thought it would be nice for our grandparents to see us have a wedding before they got too old to come. And we were never “waiting.” If I really, really wanted something (like, the way that a lot of “waiting” ladies seem to want to get married), I doubt I’d have any patience for a man who made me wait for it. WTF and goodnight to all that. 

Edit: We got engaged when we were 24.

Post # 85
Member
2441 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

You may have something here!  I wish there was a poll so we could easily see the results.  We had been together 12 months when he proposed.  He was 45.  I was 43.  

Post # 86
Member
7691 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I never considered myself waiting because when he proposed we had been together 3 yrs 8 months and I was only 22 years old. I hadn’t expected that we were going to get engaged so early. I thought that we would be dating until I was around 25 and that if he hadn’t proposed by that point (after being together for 6.5 years) I would have been getting very anxious. The reason I thought 25 is because this is the timeline we had talked about for a long time and I always thought that 26/27 was the perfect age to get married (for whatever reason).

I do understand waiting though, because my SIL went through it. Her and her bf had been together for just over 3yrs and she was 26-27 at the time. She waited for just over a year and he proposed back in April, but watching her going through the waiting period made me completely understand.

Post # 87
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee

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@tea: Yes, that too. You can be on the same page but still be waiting. But I just didn’t want to complicate the waiting story too much! Ha.

Now is not a feasible time for my SO and I to plan a wedding. So we wait? Yes. Do I know that makes sense? Yes. Do I know we both want to get married in 2014? Yes. Do I sometimes still have down days because someone else is getting married and it should be and oh-my-gosh-I-want-it-now? Sometimes, yes.

Post # 88
Member
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

I was 21, Fiance was 25 (day before he turned 26) and we had been together 14 months.  I never “waited”.  Honestly the engagement part has made me the most anxious.  We’ve been engagaed since February and aren’t getting married until next July. 

Post # 89
Member
646 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Awesome discussion topic!

We’ve been together almost 8 years now, but we started dating in grade 10. So, though we’ve been together a long time, we weren’t at a point in our life to be ready for marriage until about now.

I think dating time before getting engaged is likely reduced if a couple is older (out of school, working, “adults”) – and I think your hypothesis about those people who don’t understand the “waiting” process as being people who got engaged soon(ish) into their relationship is likely correct.

 

Post # 90
Member
4688 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

We knew each other about two years before the proposal, and had been dating for about a year and a half. I was not quite 26 and he was not quite 30.

Post # 91
Member
1732 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

He proposed on our fifth anniversary. I was 25, he was 27. Honestly though? I knew it was pretty damn serious from the moment that he said he was planning his grad school applications to coincide with mine. We got into our first choice, and then waited two years to move in together. When we didn’t kill each other in the first month, I figured that it was only a matter of time, and that I loved our life the way it was –and, to be frank, the way that it’ll probably continue to be after we’re married.

Also, about a week before he proposed, Brown Eyed Girl came on the car radio, and we started singing along. After the song finished, I commented that I wanted to get married “while my parents were still able to dance at our wedding. In general, though — that’s not pressuring you.” He played it cool, but something in the tone of his voice let me know I wouldn’t have to wait too long. 🙂

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