(Closed) Spinoff: For those that were never “waiting”

posted 9 years ago in Weddingbee
Post # 92
Member
1199 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

We got engaged a little over a year and a half after we started dating.  We both knew early that we wanted to get married, so I wasn’t concerned about ‘if’ but I was anxious about ‘when’ after we’d been together for a year.  He enjoyed torturing me about it too :).

I was (am) 29 and he was (is) 30 when we got engaged. 

Post # 93
Member
3295 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - An amazing non-profit retreat

By the time we hit 3.5-4 years together I was anxious to get engaged. He proposed right around the 5.5 year mark. I definitely waited but looking back, I doubt that at 22-23, either of us were really ready.

Post # 94
Member
686 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’m in my early 30s, and my then BF and I were sitting at my dining room table. We had been dating for about 2 months, we were totally smitten, but living in different states (although working together).  I asked him where he thought this was going, thinking we’d talk about maybe one of us moving at some point in the future.  Instead he said that he wanted to marry me.  

And we’re a few months past our 1st dating anniversary, here we are, ridiculously happy.

Post # 95
Member
686 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

But that said, I was never waiting – not in this relationship or any other.  I really reject the notion that only the man can ask the woman, because I feel it creates this anxiety since a woman’s future is completely out of her control when it comes to marriage.  It’s enough to drive us insane, and I think people have managed to build an entire industry around that anxiety.

Post # 96
Member
121 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

It was 1 year 5 months and 28 days. I was 28.

When we met we both knew that we found something very special, that would be wonderful and last. I was very straightforward with my fiance when we first started dating. If the relationship was heading towards marriage, then I would like be be engaged within 1-1.5 years of dating. He was 2 days shy of 1.5 years. I asked him about it and he said that had nothing to do with the proposal, it was because everything was right on several levels at that point (financial mostly). I actually think he forgot about my stupid timeline.

Post # 97
Member
686 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

View original reply
@tea:  So are couples on the same page but with obstacles “waiting” because they don’t consider themselves engaged without a ring?  Or they feel pretty certain but don’t want to feel that weighted down yet?

Post # 98
Member
2152 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I was never the waiting one in our relationship.  My Fiance was.  He told me just before the two year mark and and I told him that I wasn’t ready yet.  We determined that when I was ready, I would let him know by telling him my ring size.  I told him my ring size for our 3 year anniversary and he proposed three months after that.

Post # 99
Member
2408 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
@zagora: For the most part, a lot of ladies and guys do feel it’s official with the ring. I know that’s how it is for my mister and I even though we know we’re going to get married and talk about it all the time. We consider ourselves unofficially engaged until he officially proposes. 

I know it may seem silly since a ring doesn’t necessarily make us any more “engaged” than we already are but we both appreciate the symbolism it holds.

Post # 100
Member
959 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I never heard of the “waiting” period either until I joined the WB! I was never in the “waiting” stage since my Fiance proposed to me after dating for a year and one month. In the early stages of our relationship we both expressed our desire to marry one another. Fiance purchased my engagement ring after 6 months of dating (which I knew about) and I never imagined he would propose after a year of dating. We met in 2009 while in grad school, got engaged on New Year’s Day 2011, and we will be married in 2012. When we get married I will be 26 and he will be 28.

Post # 101
Member
2889 posts
Sugar bee

I think you are onto something. I was never waiting although there was a 2 month period when I had hoped he would propose before my parents visited so I could celebrate with them so I do understand the frustration. However, I straight up told him I expected a proposal before seeing my parents so we could share the news in person. He did a great job or surprising me about 2 weeks before their visit. I was 23, him 27 and we were rght around the 2 year mark. Although I think it was totally different as I was not ready to be married then and we had a 3 year engagement planned it was more of the gesture to make our plans official than a quick marriage. He is not American and in his culture the engagement is viewed slightly different and is often not as big of a deal, more of a question that brings about the wedding (big deal).

Post # 102
Member
686 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

View original reply
@tea:  I’ve posted in other threads about what happened in our case, but we got engaged after meeting his dad immediately after Christmas 2010.  Because I didn’t want a ring to be a fianancial obligation that kept us physically apart for longer than necessary, we decided it was unnecessary.  

My FH intended to get a ring anyway, but disaster after disaster kept interfering and it wasn’t until last month that he was able to give me one.

In my opinion, it sure feels official the minute you sign the first contract obligating you to paying a vendor for services rendered at your wedding! 🙂  

To us it was more important to have a debt-free wedding and rebuild our destroyed home than to have a ring.  We have each other – and that’s all we really need to be married, right?

Post # 103
Member
2408 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
@zagora: yes, that’s all you really need. Would I accept a proposal sans ring? Absolutely. Does my guy want to propose without a ring? Nope. To him, it’s an outward symbol of his ability to provide for our family and our commitment to one another. Even if I said it wasn’t necessary, he would still feel the need to give me something. And to me, the ring is a symbol of the moment he asked me to be his wife and something I’ll treasure forever. And so we wait.

For us, it’s official the moment he asks, with or without a ring. But the ring isn’t the issue keeping us apart. It’s our lack of jobs and there’s no shortcuts around that: we need those before we can even think about getting married! 🙂 

Post # 104
Member
5496 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2010

We were together almost two years when he proposed. I was 31 and he was 29 at the time.

Post # 105
Member
916 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

We dated for 6 years before becoming engaged, and I do not think I was ever “waiting.” In fact, it would be more accurate to say that he was waiting–I didn’t want to get married until I was done with grad school, and I didn’t want a long engagement.  I got a feeling he was going to propose our senior year of college (after 3 years dating), and I told him that if he did, I would say no. 

I think that whether or not you are “waiting” has nothing to do with how long you are dating, but with how openly you both communicate about your timeline expectations.  I never felt like I was waiting because I knew where in the timeline it was going to come, and it was something we discussed often.

Post # 106
Member
2699 posts
Sugar bee

I was never waiting. I didn’t know people “waited” until I got here, on WB. I am 24, DH is 26 now. We have been together for almost five years and he proposed at the four year mark. We had discussed marriage previously, and knew we were “the ones”, yet I never waited fo a proposal… it just came. I was in no rush, I already had him.

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