(Closed) Spinoff from a Waiting Thread: Including SOs in Family Photos

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Did you/will you include your siblings' significant others in your family wedding photos?

    No, they aren't part of my family

    Yes, but only if they are married (or if they are gay and unable to get married, fully committed)

    Yes, but only if they are married or they are engaged

    Yes, but only if we are fairly certain they will get married

    Heck yea, even if they are only the date du jour

    Other, describe

  • Post # 3
    Member
    4858 posts
    Honey bee

    I voted for “other” because we included my brother’s gf in some photos, but not most of the family ones.  She was just happy to be part of the “getting ready” pre-wedding crew I think!  We had her step in for a couple, but it was mostly just family-only.

    After the wedding, she was included in the big group photo.

    They are not married, but he plays a huge role in her daughter’s life (though they don’t live together) and they may get married some day.

    Post # 4
    Member
    458 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I have two siblings. At the time of our wedding, one was engaged and one was in a long-term relationship. We did a family photo with both of their SOs as well as one without them.

    Post # 5
    Member
    6980 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2011

    Well, my brother was married at my wedding, but I was “only” engaged for his. But we both did the same thing (pretty common I think), we did one pic with just me/my parents, my brother, then one with our s/o’s. 

    If he had not been married or engaged, I doubt we would’ve had a second photo for his gf.

    Post # 6
    Member
    5229 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

    I’d do a photo with them and then one without.

    Post # 7
    Member
    1601 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    We took some with, and some without.  Like literally, a family only (no ring, no pic) shot and then had my brother’s girlfriend come over and did the same picture again with her.  I’m SO glad we did, because despite the lengthy relationship, they broke up 8 months later AND she was mad at him on my wedding day and had a miserable face on in every picture LOL.  

    Post # 8
    Member
    6377 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I was in that OP’s position when my Brother-In-Law & SIL got married. We were together for 4 years by that point and had lived together almost the entire time. I was very much a part of their family but I wasn’t included in their family photos. This really upset me since it felt like they were discounting our relationship and I resented them for a long time because of it. My Mother-In-Law & DH’s grandmother questioned why I wasn’t in the pictures but I don’t think they ever got an answer. 

    I understand why couples wouldn’t want a “flavor of the week” or even relatively new relationships to be in their photos but long time, live in, months from being engaged (and they know it) SO’s is a different story. 

    I’m an only child and DH only has one sibling so this wasn’t an issue at our wedding but had the situation been reversed and we married before his brother, I would have included his (now) wife in our pictures. My IL’s won’t even display the family photos from my BIL’s wedding in their home because the whole family isn’t pictured. Instead, our wedding pictures are displayed because they include everyone. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    1935 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I think it depends.  I mean my Mom, sister and I took pictures of just the three of us w/o DH or Brother-In-Law at our wedding, but we also took some with all 5 of us.  When we were at DH’s cousins wedding, they wanted to get a picture of the grandparents with the grandkids, and none of the spouses/FI/etc. were included, and that was fine.  

    It wouldn’t start to get strange for me unless I was never in any picture the family took, and everyone else in a similar situation was. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    6980 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2011

    I guess I just don’t understand getting so upset about being “left out” if you’re not engaged. I feel like until a commitment is made (i.e. the asking to marry you), you very well may break up at any time. Because if both people were *so* sure, you’d be engaged generally. A lot of people are together for a very long time and then break up, I myself was with a guy for 5 years and I’d say everyone probably thought we were going to get married, but it wasn’t right (which is why we didn’t get married) and then we broke up. 

    Anyways, it just seems like a silly thing to let ruin your day.

    Post # 11
    Member
    2969 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    My mom is dating someone that she intends to marry. At my wedding we did a few shots with him and a few shots without him. This way, if they do get married she has the picture to frame for the piano and if they don’t get married then we do nothing with the pictures. The photographer also took a few shots of them by themselves and she got one put on canvas for him as a gift. It was really nice. Plus, I love the guy she’s dating so I was happy to pose for those shots with her, especially since I hope they do get married. 

    When my mom was married to my ex-stepfather, the stepfather’s son got married. My mom was the groom’s stepmother and my sister and I were the groom’s stepsisters and we weren’t allowed in every family shot, and some the photographer wasn’t even going to take some with us and some without – he was just going to take none with us. The photographer told us to get out of a few shots because we weren’t family. The groom’s sister also said she wouldn’t be in a famiy shot if my mom was next to her husband at the time, the stepsister’s father. Yeah, that’s normal. But, I’m sure they’re happy they have some pictures without the “steps” because that marriage dissolved. I’m happy we didn’t have this situation at my wedding, since my mother’s soon-to-be-fiance is in only a few pictures and my husband’s father is engaged and I took a few pictures with her too. All shots I can throw away if that time would come (but hopefully won’t!)

    Weddings are a crazy business.

    Post # 12
    Member
    6377 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2011

    @CorgiTales:  In my case, we were very much commited to each other, just not yet engaged. We ended up getting engaged a few months later. It would have been one thing if they took some pictures with SO’s and then others without but I was completely snubbed. Even during the pictures, both DH and my Mother-In-Law asked where I was and my SIL ignored the question. I wasn’t told to stick around for pictures so I went off with the other guests. 

    I guess in the long run it doesn’t make much of a difference since it took my Brother-In-Law and SIL until after we were married to even get their pictures but it was more the principal of that matter. Silly, maybe, but it still pissed me off and it’s not something that I’ll forget.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1203 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    @CorgiTales:  I feel like you are looking at it as too black and white, since when is getting down one knee and giveing your partner a ring the only form of commitment?  Fiance and I had a very serious commitment to each other before we were engaged, we knew we were going to get engaged but it wasn’t the right time for us and I would have felt very bad if I was left out of every single family picture because I felt like his family was mine a year after we started dating, I was even calling his mom “mom” at that point.  I think if it is a longer relationship and there is a commitment, even if its not marriage yet then the SO should be included in at least a few family pictures.

    Post # 14
    Member
    7382 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2011

    We did some with and some without.  All of the relationships were fairly serious (and some were married).

    Post # 15
    Member
    3274 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2018

    Some with, some without.

    Post # 16
    Member
    2468 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I would just make sure that I had some pictures without. That way if they do break up I have some ex-free family photos of my wedding! But honestly I don’t understand why someone would get so upset. Its just fricken photos. 

    The topic ‘Spinoff from a Waiting Thread: Including SOs in Family Photos’ is closed to new replies.

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