Post # 1
Depressing post for a Monday, I know.
This is a really sad/touchy subject for some (it is for me anyway). Darling Husband and I are both in our 30 and we do not have any health issues however, recently his father has fallen ill and the topic of end of life wishes came up. I would hate if (God forbid) something happened to either one of us and we would have no clue what the other wanted. We still haven’t had “the talk” we have had a talk about having the talk.
Have you and your SO talked about eachothers end of life wishes?
Post # 3
We have discussed it extensively. Darling Husband has a very dangerous job (top 5 most dangerous) so End of Life is a big deal in our house, especially with his ex dying young of a drug over dose. We also have been very specific as we both have polar opposite views on the subject. We had to come to a consensus that it isn’t about what we as the spouse want, it is about what the ill spouse wants, no matter how tough that decision would be.
Post # 4
we have talked about being a Donor. But other then that…..no. It is probably something we should discuss actually. You never know whats going to happen hey.
Post # 5
We have talked about it briefly, last year my Fiance had testicular cancer and becamse diabetic so there was a slim chance of his demise… There are still a lot of details that we need to work out once we get married..but i work in financial planning so those details will be easy for us to sort out and execute.
Post # 6
Absolutely. Neither of us want to be kept artificially alive when no path back to normalcy is available. We’ve actually discussed the idea of, when we’re very old and hurt all the time and feel like we’d be OK with going, just eating a bunch of pills and going to sleep together. Which I realize is SUPER-macabre, but in a way it sounds sort of nice.
We both want, in the case of a timely death, to have a “green” burial. Pine box, no embalming fluid, buried on specific plot of land set aside for that kind of burial, and over time you go back to the soil. If that’s not possible, then I want my body to go to science. And if that’s not possible either, then I think we both just want to be cremated and scattered… wherever.
Post # 7
yes, we have talked about it in depth and both know what the other person wants. Our family members know as well in case something happens to us at the same time (car accident, etc)
Post # 8
We don’t have iron-clad plans written down (although we’re planning on doing so before this baby is born), but we’ve had this talk on more than one occasion. He knows how I want it to be handled. and vice versa. It was really important for me that he know exactly how I want it to be handled, because I don’t trust any of my family to respect my last wishes, but I know my husband will.
Post # 9
Yep, we have – and in fact, it was the topic of conversation along with organ donation at a dinner party last night. (3 grads from bioethics masters programs, the topic is bound to come up. 1 of those people is also a peds speciality doctor, and we had 2 other peds speciality doctors at the dinner). The only non-science/health person there was very weirded out by the conversation.
It’s on my to-do list to get it all written down. I’ve spent years reminding my parents of my wishes (e.g. to not live as a vegetable, to donate anything and everything that I can), soon it’ll be time to remind FI!
Post # 10
No we haven’t. It hasn’t come up.
Post # 11
Yes we’ve talked about it a few times. We both know what we would do for each other if those decisions ever needed to be made. It’s good to have an advanced directive though, I know DH’s mom would rather he live as a vegetable and I wouldn’t want to have to fight to have him taken off of life support.
Post # 12
We’ve talked about it a few times. We know what each other wants done with our remains. We discussed what would happen relationship-wise in the future if one of us passes.
Post # 13
No, but I plan to soon. Last week, a construction worker in my office building was killed in an accident – he was just a year older than me at 25 and left behind a fiancé. I can’t imagine how horrible it’d be to lose my Fiance (or have him lose me) now or down the road without any kind of preparations being made. It is a really tough discussion to have, because nobody wants to think about the end of their life – but it’s necessary. Right now, my mom is my proxy but once we’re married I plan to transfer that to him. If he wishes to do the same, great, but I will let him decide who he wants to have that power.
Post # 14
We just broached this subject… we’re young and it seems like we’re invincible and all, but in light of the 20-person mass car accident that just happened in our city, I feel we should keep in mind that it can happen to anyone. Before that, we’d discussed it but not made any ironed-out plans.
Post # 15
We’ve discussed some things (wanting to be a donor, not wanting to be kept artificially alive if there is no hope of returning to normalcy, etc) but haven’t covered everything (burial vs. cremation, type of funeral wanted, etc).
I’m sure before we have kids we will get it all ironed out and written down (along with what would happen to our assets and who would take care of our child(ren) should we both be taken together).
Post # 16
We talk pretty candidly about it. I’m in health care and FI has a dangerous career. We have both seem some pretty difficult things that has shaped how we see things. For us, end of life issues is an easy discussion (not easy as in not important but easy as in not a difficult topic to bring up/talk about/etc). We each know what the other wants/doesn’t want and why. We’re fortunate in that we both share the same opinions about such things so I think that will help us if it ever gets to that point to follow through with what the other person wants.