(Closed) SpinOff Have you been Raped

posted 7 years ago in The Lounge
  • poll: Have you ever been raped
    Yes, And I am not afraid to admit it : (43 votes)
    10 %
    Yes, And I do not tell anyone : (50 votes)
    12 %
    Kinda, I was assaulted but not raped : (61 votes)
    14 %
    Kinda, I was drugged and do not remember : (15 votes)
    3 %
    No I have not : (254 votes)
    59 %
    No, and I don't believe in rape. : (6 votes)
    1 %
  • Post # 17
    9681 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    @HappySky7:  Really? As someone who went through a very violent rape, I do not shy away from calling a spade a spade. It is what happened and I am not going to sugar coat it. I have never heard of this before, so I am genuinely asking not trying to attack. I believe strongly in open dialogue and bringing these issues to the forefront. I don’t think that can be done if we can’t even say the word let alone deal with all of the repercussions.

    Post # 18
    1812 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013 - Pavilion overlooking golf course scenery, reception at banquet hall

    @sparky263: I know you have probably been told this before, but do not ever blame yourself. No one in their right mind should judge you for what another person did to you, and if they do, you should judge THEM. You were stong, and pushed prosecution of your attacker, which many women aren’t able to bring themselves to do. It’s easier said than done, but please be proud of yourself because no matter the circumstances it was never your fault!

    I have thankfully never been the victim of any sexual abuse, but I am very vocal to idiots who victim blame. I hope society starts ostracizing the “asking for it” and “shouldn’t have been drinking” crowds soon.

    Post # 19
    1224 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2010


    Thanks :). I “know” it wasnt my fault, but you can’t really help feeling it. I guess, its not really feeling like its your fault it just makes you feel like you’re completely worthless and encourages you to treat yourself like shit (emotionally and physically) because you feel like you “deserve” because another human being saw you as just an object to use/abuse.

    A healthy/normal person might think “I am a body” v an unhealthy/abuse victim might think “I have a body”. You seperate yourself and view your body like the rapist did, an object that deserves abuse.

    Post # 20
    158 posts
    Blushing bee

    @aggie2010:  Thank you, that pretty much brought me to tears. It did involve a lot of alcohol and I always think that there could have been more that I could have done to prevent it but what happened has happened and now I want to try to use my experience (along with other horrible experiences) to try to help young kids deal with going through the same things. Im going to try to turn a negative thing into a positive thing. I just have to learn to deal with what happened and let go of the blame.

    Post # 21
    158 posts
    Blushing bee

    @fiver:  That is exactly how I viewed myself, “I have a body” and therefore treated myself like shit for a long time, thinking I was worthless and/or deserved to be treated that way

    Post # 22
    4854 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @MrsPanda99:  Ok well, you’re not everyone. 

    Post # 23
    9681 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    @HappySky7:  …thanks. That explained it a lot better. I was trying to ask a legitimate question. I feel strongly about this issue, but I guess it wasn’t received well. Sorry about that.


    Post # 24
    3208 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    🙁 what an awful spin off…and at the same time, so important. 

    We had a secret survey in a sociology class in undergrad that asked a similar question. Less than 1% of men said they had been raped, and more that 20% of women had said they had been raped. For sexual assault (no penetration, though), more than 1% of men answers affirmatively, and more than 50% of women. And for the question, “do you actively make choices to lessen the chance of sexual assauly on a daily or weekly basis?” The numbers were similar. The vast majority of men didn’t consider sexual assault in their daily lives, but DID consider a fear of non-sexual physical assault. 90%+ women said they think about SA preventative measures.

    Interestingly, our professor added that many self-identified male gay students voted in a pattern that matched the female voting pattern.

    Post # 25
    180 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: November 2014

    Wow girls, Im glad you’re all still here! 

    I wasn’t raped, but have been sexually assaulted on 3 separate occassions. 

    1) when I was 16. camping with friends. The ex of my bro told one of the guys “OzGirls totally up for it”, so he came into my tent (i had a small tent and sleeping on my own) and tried to talk me into doing something. Lucky I was inside my sleeping bag! Went so far as climbing on top of me trying to get me to kiss him while my head was buried into the pillow. After a while trying to be nice and decline advances I heard some of the others outside an called for one of them I needed them asap. The guy eventually ran. He was a friend to the group, But i was afraid and didnt say anything. 

    2) in uni, my uni internship suervisor (at uni not company) made advances in the review meeting. He said how pleased he was how good reviews Id got, and we were saying goodbyes and he shook my hand and kissed my cheek. All normal I thought. As I went to leave he propositioned me to continue kissing and even run away with him! He claed he was wealthy and could make sure I never had to work! I got the hell outta there! Told my folks and bf at the time but agai. Was scared. A few years later I reported it to the university but he had quit so they couldnt do anything. 

    3) out running one day and some guy on a bicycle rode past me opposite direction. he passed really close and punched me in the stomach as he passed. I turned and yelled asshole, and so he turned around and followed me. As he passed again, this time from behind and grabbed my ass cheek as he passed. I got home and called Fiance bawling. 

    The first two times i didnt really know what was happening. The third, although not as serious, just made me feel so violated. I cant imagine what it would be like to be raped. Im glad you all are on the other side! 

    In addition to these SAs, I did grow up very badly bullied, even my own brother has never ever said a nice word to me. Ever. An my aunt called me ‘maggot’ as a nickname. Makes me feel worthless and wondering what is wrong sooooo many times. I was depressed at 15, and thought about suicide a few times, though Ive never had treatment myself. One day in my deepest week I ha a school trip to a local prison, and passed the funeral of a kid I knew in town who had suiicided. That day changed my life. Since, Ive been living on the whole motto of puttin myself first, being responsible for myself and only myself, and realising the only one I can trust to take care of me is me. (My parents didnt do anything about the bullying even though they knew). Fortunately not having so many friends growing up I can entertain myself, Im not a loner but I also dont rely on others to entertain (eg to go for coffee etc) because they have never been reliable. A bit selfish I know, but thats my coping mechanism. Fiance is ok with it, and as I dont force him to give up his friends for me, it works well. Dont get me wrong I like to hang out with people, but it isnt the only thing driving me in life anymore.

    ooops sorry for the long post! 

    Post # 26
    3101 posts
    Sugar bee

    @Ibblet:  I don’t believe in rape


    Post # 27
    4854 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @MrsPanda99:  I find WB in general to be a pretty safe spot to chat and post. In general, this tends to be a community where people are pretty curtious and sensitive to each other. My point is that some of us who have been SA are very sensitive to triggers, so much so that just the word does it. It’s not about sugar coating it. If people want t discuss it, please do. If you put your header as *trigger alert* and use a softer term then people who are scrolling by have the option not to accidentally click and read something triggering. Putting the “r” word right in the title does not allow that. i’m only suggesting it as a curtosey.


    Post # 28
    3415 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2014 - Lodge

    I wouldn’t necessarily say I was raped but I was definitely taken advantage of.  I was drunk and my friend left me by myself with a stranger, he kept pressuring me.  I tried to refuse but eventually just gave in.  If I hadn’t been so drunk I know it wouldn’t have happened.  It was a really crappy thing to have done to me.  I remembered the whole thing too and afterwards for years I felt sick to my stomach everytime I thought about it.  I have grown stronger though and when I would go drinking with my girlfriends I always make sure to never leave any of them alone.  I tell my step daughter now to never leave her friends alone at a party and make sure they don’t leave you alone either.  I will tell my daughter and neice the same thing too when they are old enough.

    Post # 29
    11482 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    I am so thankful that I have not. It is distressing to see how many bees have.  🙁  

    Post # 30
    2902 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    I have had a few things happen over the years that my brain isn’t willing to admit. Fiance knows something is up because I flip when I see rape scenes in movies or get cornered by anyone in real life. I can’t talk about it, I think I will lose my carefully put together shit. 

    Post # 31
    134 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    @OzGirl:  country twin! (well now anyways)


    I’ve been raped, several times by my ex-boyfriend. 

    He is the most goof looking d*ckhead i’ve ever seen in my live, he was awesome at making himself seem like god’s gift to woman, and the most perfect son in law to my parents. Shit started to get differtent when he would get in this total different state of mind, he would be completly out of it, though completly sober and just make me do as he said. I’m a pretty tough girl, I can totally stand up for myself in everyday life but I was no contest for him. I could yell and scream all I wanted and he would still do it anyway. He used to hit me, kick me, punch me…any form of fysical absuse really…locked me up in the house when he left so he could be sure I would still be there. After about two years I finally had the courage to tell one off my male friends who helped me deal with it…got me out of there and helped me move out of town. 

    I’ve never spoken to anybody about it…I totally feel like it’s part my fault, because I let it go on for so long, but on the other hand I’m smart enough to realise he did wrong, not me! he’s dead now by the way…killed himself in a car wreck driving from Holland to Montenegro, where he was originally from…I guess karma really is a bitch! 

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