Wow girls, Im glad you’re all still here!
I wasn’t raped, but have been sexually assaulted on 3 separate occassions.
1) when I was 16. camping with friends. The ex of my bro told one of the guys “OzGirls totally up for it”, so he came into my tent (i had a small tent and sleeping on my own) and tried to talk me into doing something. Lucky I was inside my sleeping bag! Went so far as climbing on top of me trying to get me to kiss him while my head was buried into the pillow. After a while trying to be nice and decline advances I heard some of the others outside an called for one of them I needed them asap. The guy eventually ran. He was a friend to the group, But i was afraid and didnt say anything.
2) in uni, my uni internship suervisor (at uni not company) made advances in the review meeting. He said how pleased he was how good reviews Id got, and we were saying goodbyes and he shook my hand and kissed my cheek. All normal I thought. As I went to leave he propositioned me to continue kissing and even run away with him! He claed he was wealthy and could make sure I never had to work! I got the hell outta there! Told my folks and bf at the time but agai. Was scared. A few years later I reported it to the university but he had quit so they couldnt do anything.
3) out running one day and some guy on a bicycle rode past me opposite direction. he passed really close and punched me in the stomach as he passed. I turned and yelled asshole, and so he turned around and followed me. As he passed again, this time from behind and grabbed my ass cheek as he passed. I got home and called Fiance bawling.
The first two times i didnt really know what was happening. The third, although not as serious, just made me feel so violated. I cant imagine what it would be like to be raped. Im glad you all are on the other side!
In addition to these SAs, I did grow up very badly bullied, even my own brother has never ever said a nice word to me. Ever. An my aunt called me ‘maggot’ as a nickname. Makes me feel worthless and wondering what is wrong sooooo many times. I was depressed at 15, and thought about suicide a few times, though Ive never had treatment myself. One day in my deepest week I ha a school trip to a local prison, and passed the funeral of a kid I knew in town who had suiicided. That day changed my life. Since, Ive been living on the whole motto of puttin myself first, being responsible for myself and only myself, and realising the only one I can trust to take care of me is me. (My parents didnt do anything about the bullying even though they knew). Fortunately not having so many friends growing up I can entertain myself, Im not a loner but I also dont rely on others to entertain (eg to go for coffee etc) because they have never been reliable. A bit selfish I know, but thats my coping mechanism. Fiance is ok with it, and as I dont force him to give up his friends for me, it works well. Dont get me wrong I like to hang out with people, but it isnt the only thing driving me in life anymore.
ooops sorry for the long post!