(Closed) SpinOff Have you been Raped

posted 7 years ago in The Lounge
  • poll: Have you ever been raped
    Yes, And I am not afraid to admit it : (43 votes)
    10 %
    Yes, And I do not tell anyone : (50 votes)
    12 %
    Kinda, I was assaulted but not raped : (61 votes)
    14 %
    Kinda, I was drugged and do not remember : (15 votes)
    3 %
    No I have not : (254 votes)
    59 %
    No, and I don't believe in rape. : (6 votes)
    1 %
  • Post # 62
    Member
    3092 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I was molested for several years by an adopted sibling.

    I was raped at a party in high school, coincidentally the party where I met my husband.  I had taken shrooms and was lagging in time.  A guy began having sex with me and as I was realizing it was happening I cried out no several times.  By the end he was freaked and ran out of the party.  It took me many many years to even bring it up to my husband (bf at the time).  I think I was 22 when I decided it was rape.  And when I talked to my bf about it he said they (the friends at the party) all knew what had happened, knew he had raped me right there at that party.  It is still hard to wrap my head around…how my now husband could know I was raped and then give me a ride home the next day??  Whatever.

    The second time was in college, I was intoxicated and blacked out. 

    Post # 63
    Member
    2949 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    I have never been raped but I was molested when I was 9 by the son of my parents’ friend. I never told my parents and it was only after therapy that I came to realize that it wasn’t my fault.

    Post # 64
    Member
    9681 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    @misscakeandtea:  For all of the reasons you said…that’s why I said. I wrote my story on this site and I feel no shame about it. I want to force folks to have a dialogues and refuse to let them judge me. I definitely speak out and stand up for myself when someone tries to blame me (which has happened). It is a disgusting society we live in sometimes, but I really believe we need to fight the stigma to win 🙂

    Post # 65
    Member
    729 posts
    Busy bee

    I’ve been assaulted. I don’t talk about it and I didn’t even really know/remember what happened until a friend filled in some of the details for me years later. I know we should have done something about it at the time but for some reason it’s so much more confusing when it happens to you. 

    I wonder who the 6 people that don’t believe in rape are… wtf?

     

    Post # 66
    Member
    80 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    In regards to the “No, and I don’t believe in rape.” option on the poll; I’ve read an article that talks about how rape in not a universal concept. I’m not saying that this is what those bees were thinking when they voted, but it made me think of an article I read in a Gener & Womens Study class I took at uni. 

    The article is by Christine Helliwell – “It’s Only a Penis”. I think if you register you can read it for free (I couldn’t find the full article anywhere else, sorry!) : http://www.jstor.org/discover/10.2307/3175417?uid=3739656&uid=2&uid=4&uid=3739256&sid=21102550123617′ defer=’defer 

    I haven’t been raped, but I thought it was a really interesting article. I hope this doesn’t upset anyone. I found a blog that shows the start of the idea:

    “I just read a fascinating article by Christine Helliwell, who asks the question: is rape a universal phenomenon? She proves that it is not, using her ethnographic research in Indonesia. She also criticizes western feminism for not only universalizing rape, but universalizing the threat and effects of rape. She asks: “Why does a woman of Gerai see a penis as lacking in power to harm her, while I, a white Australian/New Zealand woman, am so ready to see it as having the capacity to defile, to humanize, to subjugate and, ultimately, to destroy me?” It all started when she was talking to a woman from Gerai who said: “Tin, it’s only a penis. How can a penis hurt anyone?””

    Helliwell goes into more about why the Gerai people feel this way, and how their culture/society is different. 

    Post # 67
    Member
    2119 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I havent been raped. Ive been in a situtation where i was scared it would happen, with someone i grew up with. My best friend after 15years finally told me it happened to her . her first time. i have known her since i can i remember. We grew up with him in our group of friends. And she never said a thing. She still doesnt want me to say anything. I still cant believe we were 15, camping, drunk and i was there that night. I didnt suspect a thing. 🙁 I always thought that if it happened to us we would tell each other or someone. Im glad that she finally told me.

    Post # 68
    Member
    893 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    @Aquaria:  what if it starts as a yes…. Then girl says no… He gets up says ” no problem” lets get dressed….. Is that rape? one of my close friends spend a month in jail because the girl changed her mind and called it rape the next day… She dropped the charges. 

    Post # 69
    Member
    5188 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: February 2013

    @bbfyso:  Maybe i worded that incorrectly. I think if he stops when she asks him to she’s not doing anything against her will. If he kept going with an excuse such as “you asked for this” then it would be rape.

    Post # 70
    Member
    429 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    I was sexually abused by a boyfriend in high school.  I don’t know what to call it other than that; it wasn’t full-on PIV rape.  but back then I was super-shy and too scared to say no.  Then he started saying really gross shit about our (non-existent) sex life in public and touching me inappopriately then too, and I was so embarrassed.  Fortunately two of my friends saved the day on a band trip.  One guy stayed with him, the girl friend took me somewhere else and told me in no uncertain terms that I didn’t have to put up with his shit, I was obviously miserable and I needed to leave him.  Fortunately, he ditched me because I wasn’t giving him enough… attention.  He never spoke to me again, even months later when marching season started back up. I’ve never been so happy to have been broken up with.  

     

    The only people who know everything are my very best friends from high school, plus the boyfriends I’ve had since then. 

    Post # 71
    Member
    893 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    @Aquaria:  I totally agree. i am so sensitive about this subject. I agree with you 100%.

    Post # 73
    Member
    79 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I am so confused and Don’t understand “I don’t believe in rape” either.  

    What would you label this real life story if not rape?

    An elderly lady in her 80’s (my sisters neighbor) was sleeping at 5:00AM and was woken up by two men (18years of age) that had broken into her house and beat her up and then had sex with her without her approval (obviously)

    Post # 73
    Member
    2092 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    I actually was during a time my Fiance and I were apart. Initially after it happened I tried to tell a close friend of mine, but then he got really religious on me, told me it was my fault, I was dirty in “god’s eyes” and asking me how could I even put myself in the situation, etc. I became really ashamed of the whole situation for a long time. When my Fiance and I got back together I had told him that it happened but I never went into detail because he felt like it was his fault for not teaching me to defend myself better and he should have been there to protect me. I never told my family, only my closest friend and my Fiance.

    I often try to come off as, yes it happened and I don’t let it affect me. But honestly, I think it did. My generalized anxiety disorder gets out of hand now more than it used to and I can’t stand being touched intimately, it takes a lot of warming up. If it happens suddently then I become tense and freeze up from flashbacks. There’s really complicated feelings along with it, I try to be strong, but sometimes it’s just really hard..

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