(Closed) Spinoff: Have you ever attended a wedding and not gifted the couple? [POLL]

posted 4 years ago in Gifts and Registries
  • poll: Have you ever attended a wedding and not gifted the couple?
    I have always gifted the couple : (188 votes)
    65 %
    I did not gift one couple (I'll explain why below!) : (56 votes)
    19 %
    I have gifted some, and not others : (43 votes)
    15 %
    I have never brought a gift for a wedding : (4 votes)
    1 %
  • Post # 76
    Member
    3875 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

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    nessdawwg:  Honestly, I did one time. It was an out of state wedding that I was a bridesmaid in. By the time the costs of: hotel, gas getting there, going out to eat (as we were staying four days in a hotel), hair/makeup, specialty cowboy boots she wanted for the ceremony that were being custom made that I paid for when I arrived, $300 bridesmaids dress, and the accessories she wanted us to purchase (that we were told about a week prior to leaving)–I was beyond strapped for cash. I was in school and only working part time at that point (as was my husband–who at that point was my husband). I think by the time the wedding rolled around I had $3.00 to my name (even counting how much I had saved up for this trip).

    At the time, giving $20 seemed far more rude than giving nothing, so I did not give her anything. I went home, got back to work, saved up some more money and sent her and her new husband a check for $100 the following month.

    Post # 77
    Member
    1319 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    I’ve always brought a gift, even in my college years, but I was only aware of the etiquette because I was planning a wedding myself. Now that we are more stable and more financially secure, I try to gift more generously. I regret one gift we gave during college that was nice but only worth $25 – and for how close we were to the couple and how little we had to spend to attend the wedding, I feel like we should have given $50.

    We had an interesting mix of gifts received at our wedding. We received some wonderful and very generous things, but we definitely had guests who didn’t bring a gift or card. Most of them were totally broke college friends so I didn’t think anything of it. A couple of them were older cousins with great jobs who were planning their own weddings – so they should have been aware of the etiquette. We really didn’t care but my parents were a little irritated.

    DH’s parents didn’t give a gift or even just a card (and they did not financially contribute to the wedding in any way). They were very much attempting to rile us up and we didn’t even mention it to them. I hate when gift giving is in any way associated with passive aggressiveness.

    Post # 78
    Member
    5874 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

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    nessdawwg:  I guess my point is that I don’t liek when gift is used as a verb instead of a noun.  Not at all meant as a personal dig!  I know I’m totally in the minority here and many MANY people use it that way.  But it squigs me out for some reason.

    Post # 80
    Member
    900 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    I voted that I always give a gift BUT then I realized that’s not entirely true.

    We attended my cousins destination wedding during hurricane season.  We had intended to give them a $100 gift card (for some perspective, if they’d married locally, we would have given $300).  BUT, after feeling brushed off and insignificant to them, Darling Husband and I decided not to give them the gift card.  My entire side of the family felt the same way, it was like we were second choice (the couple spent all their time with HER side of the family instead).  I have zero regrets for doing this as we had already spent a pretty penny to be there in the first place!  I would otherwise NEVER attend a wedding without giving some sort of gift.

    It was kind of shocking how many of DH’s family didn’t give us anything, but I don’t really care nor do I hold it against them.  My family is Italian so they were quite generous.

     

    Post # 81
    Member
    756 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2016

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    pink.lemonade:  i lived in australia for 10 years. If any of my friends there came to the wedding (In Canada) and didn’t gift, I would find that 100% appropriate. I would be ok with this especially given the sacrifice they made to come.

    With handing the bride cash the next day – there is nothing wrong with that either. You intended one thing, made a mistake, and corrected that mistake. Weddings arent about guests being perfect and I applaud you for making it right.

     

    Post # 82
    Member
    90 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

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    nessdawwg:  The only time we do not bring a gift is if we are not invited to the dinner and even then we have sometimes brought a small gift (picture frame, $25 gift card etc). But if you’re invited after dinner to the party only, I wouldn’t expect a gift at all. If you are invited to the dinner, gift what you can afford to give (the couple is friends/family and would understand your budget).

    We had family come from the UK for our wedding and we were fine with them not bringing a gift, as the flight and stay in Canada was expensive.

    • This reply was modified 4 years, 4 months ago by  rothy.
    Post # 83
    Member
    128 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    There is one couple (friend of my husband’s) who we didn’t gift. Total faux pas on my part, because I always bring or send a gift! We ordered their gift from an online shop, customized for them with their wedding date, and it arrived the DAY we left forthe wedding (we had to travel to attend). We did give them a card at the wedding but still haven’t sent their gift…. we bought a house and moved, and I had surgery within 2 months of returning from their wedding in April but there is no longer an excuse! Every time I see the box sitting there the worst guilt washes over me but I do not have their address and because I’ve asked my husband to get their address and I’m stubborn I refuse to reach out and get it myself. Etiquette says we have a year so technically we’re still within that time frame but the farther away it gets the worse it seems to me!

    Post # 84
    Member
    5874 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

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    nessdawwg:  Ha ha!

    Post # 85
    Member
    1228 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    When I was like 15 I went to my friend’s sister’s wedding. Not only did I not bring a gift, I wore a white minidress! I was just totally ignorant. My friend and I stole two boxes of extra mini-wine favors and partied off it for like half of sophomore year. Good times.

    The topic ‘Spinoff: Have you ever attended a wedding and not gifted the couple? [POLL]’ is closed to new replies.

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