[SPINOFF] Have You Ever Been the Other Woman?

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Have you ever been the other woman
    Yes but I didn't know, found out after, and will comment below and tell a juicy story : (34 votes)
    23 %
    Yes and I did know, will comment below and tell a juicy story : (26 votes)
    18 %
    More than once, both knowingly and unknowingly and I will comment below and tell a juicy story : (10 votes)
    7 %
    Never that I know of : (77 votes)
    52 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    9595 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2015

    Accidentally, yes. I dated a dude over a summer in college. I was totally obsessed with him. He had a long distance girlfriend the whole time! She just had gone home for the summer. I found out through his friends eventually. What an asshole.

    SHE also confronted me, via FB of course. I was like… hun you can have him. All yours. Good luck with that! 

    Post # 3
    Member
    1755 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Yep, I was a booty buddy with a guy I knew since junior high. He worked away from home, didn’t really do anything on social media. Lived in a hotel when he was working. We hooked up pretty steadily when we had time but nothing beyond that. I had zero clue he was married or with someone. No ring nothing. No wife or kids on social media. 

    I went back to our home town to visit friends and didn’t tell him. Was sitting having dinner and drinks with friends and in he walks, wedding band on, holding the very pregnant wife’s hand, and carrying a little toddler boy. I was pretty damn pissed.

    I found his wife on facebook, friended her and then proceeded to word vomit everything over messenger including pics I had snapped of the two of us together and pics he’d sent me naked. 

    She blew a gasket, booted his ass out and took him for everything she could get. Cleaned out all the accounts everything. She was a Stay-At-Home Mom and he had to pay huge child support and alimony. She got their house and 95% custody of the kids. He has the kids 1 weekend a month! I still chat with her casually as we have a couple friends in common. She’s thankful I told her and we have no hard feelings at all.

    Post # 6
    Member
    8162 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    PrincessPeach13 :  Without my knowledge I was. A good friend and I started hanging out more and it seemed to just be progressing naturally into something more. We were pretty quiet about it all and I thought it was because we didn’t want to make things weird with our other friends in case it didn’t last (I couldn’t imagine not staying friends with him even if it didn’t work out). We had a few dates, a first kiss, it was totally swoon-worthy. After a bit of that we finally had sex and it was freaking awesome. Like….all over the house, multiple times, kind of like the movies crazy. Woke up the next morning and rolled over to go again and he blurts out “I have a girlfriend in another state”. To say I was shocked would be an understatement! After he tried it with me a few more times I drunkenly emailed her and told her everything, which I wasn’t very proud of it, but c’est la vie. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    564 posts
    Busy bee

    I was in the middle of a nasty nasty divorce and feeling pretty crappy about life. A guy I work with befriended me and told me he was going through the same thing. One thing led to another and we ended up hooking up. He was moved out of his wife’s house, but I guess he never told her he was done, he just told her he needed a break. This lasted quite a while, and I was oblivious… Then lo and behold we are out one night and she sees us. She had ZERO idea he was dating and I thought he had already filed for divorce and was just working through the courts. Nope. Between my ex-husband and him… I was pretty turned off by men in general… I thought Fiance was just gonna be another fun weekend… Luckily it’s so much more!

    Post # 8
    Member
    438 posts
    Helper bee

    Mine isnt that super juicy  but it is something I didn’t advertise to our families until much later.

    Darling Husband actually had a Girlfriend when we met. It was the summer between freshman and sophmore year of college for us, she was a senior in high school still (Cringe!) They were SUPER on-again-off-again for his senior year of high school and freshman year of college and she lived like 3 hours away from the college in his hometown. They were “on again” the week before we met at a campus group event at the beginning of the summer semester. I walked into the event and there weren’t a lot of people there so I just walked up and started chatting with him. We ended up talking for 3 hours after the event was over and got kicked out. We both had friends coming to visit that weekend so I was like “You and your friend should come hang out at my apartment with me and my friend!” (Sidebar, WHAT WAS I THINKING??? I invited a strange guy  I just met with a friend I never met, to my apartmentthat I lived in alone).

    So he and his buddy came and hung out on that Saturday at my apartment and we all played video games and had dinner. Then he and I went to get coffee the next week. All this time he is clearly flirting with me, I am interested, we find out actually our grandparents had been friends for like 20 years. No mention of girlfriend. 
    I decide to Facebook stalk him after the coffee date. Annnnddd see that he is tagged in a thousand pictures with this girl, as recently as his brothers wedding the week before we met! His family clearly loved her, she was in all these pictures with them and stuff. His mom commented on her stuff all the time, I was so pissed.

    So I asked him about her.  He says that he is going home the next weekend and plans to break up with her in person because it is crappy to do over the phone. And I believed him! So we went out again. Luckily for me, he did actually go home and break up with her that next weekend and we offically started dating for real after that. But I still felt horrible! 

    It worked out okay, we ended up married. I ended up meeting her when I went with him to his hometown right after we got engaged. I thought she would be pissed at me because he straight up told her he met someone else he liked better. But she was super friendly and clearly hadn’t been too devestated he broke up with her because she got a new boyfriend in their hometown like 2 days after they had broken up. 

    But I sure didn’t tell our families we went on 2-3 dates while he was still dating the other girl! It came out after our wedding at some point and I nearly died of embarrassment to admit it! 

    Post # 9
    Member
    1147 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2019 - Tacoma, WA

    In what feels like an entire lifetime ago, I worked for a local trucking company as the front office girl, and it was not unheard of for there to be some flirty banter back and forth between myself and the truckers or warehouse guys, but it was generally harmless and all in good fun. As in “Hey sweetheart, I missed your pretty face. Can I grab a cup of coffee to go?” “Sure hon, you want sugar in that or am I sweet enough for you?” – that type of thing. It kept the mood light and nothing was ever really meant by any of it. I wasn’t offended and neither were they, and no one took it seriously.

    Until “Joe” entered the picture.

    Joe was the new guy in the warehouse, and like everyone else there, we had a kind of flirty banter back and forth at first. After a while, though, Joe would come hang out at my desk during his breaks and we’d chat fairly often so we started to get to know each other on a more personal level. I learned that Joe was recently divorced and just now getting back into the dating game while juggling being a single dad to his young daughter. I was also recently out of a relationship, but hadn’t really started dating again yet. I would give Joe tips on meeting women, dating advice from a female perspective, etc. and it got to the point where we’d call each other when we weren’t at work, just to chat. This was back before cell phones were really a thing, so when I called, I had to call his house, and vice versa. Joe said he didn’t like answering random calls because so many are telemarketers, so I should call once, hang up, then call again and he would know it’s me and answer. This becomes important later on.

    Eventually, Joe and I are spending more time together. He brings me flowers on “Secretary’s Day” and randomly brings small trinkets he thinks I’ll enjoy. We go to lunch together frequently and talk a lot. I’m starting to think I really like this guy and maybe I’m ready to start dating again, and decide if he asks I’ll go for it. Well, he did eventually ask, and I did say yes. We went out a few times after that, with each date ending in some heaving making out afterward, but nothing beyond that. I thought I had found someone really great, as we just seemed to click on so many levels. I was over the moon at the idea that maybe this could turn into something serious.

    Until…

    One night after work (a Friday) I get a kind of frantic call from Joe cancelling our plans for the evening and asking me not to call his house for a while, because his ex wife was making threats to take his daughter away from him and he needed to “lay low” for a while and didn’t want me mixed up in the whole thing. He said she had found out he was seeing someone new and was being crazy and jealous and totally irrational, but assured me he would handle it and we could get back to “normal” soon. I do as he requested and back off, as I don’t want to cause him issues with his daughter or his ex. We don’t talk all weekend.

    Back at work on Monday, he’s acting really strange toward me. A curt “good morning” and a wave and that was pretty much all I got for the whole day. Later, he stops by my desk and tells me that if I get a phone call from someone later to just hang up, that his ex is acting crazy and not to get involved. He seems super stressed. I get home after work and there’s a message on my answering machine from a woman I don’t know and she is clearly upset, demanding to know how I could do this to a “fellow woman,” why would I ever mess with a married man and a father, and calling me a homewrecker. I was in shock, because as far as I knew he was divorced and single, but she was making it sound like they were still together and very much married.

    So, I call Joe’s home number and just let it ring until the woman picked up the phone. I tell her who I am and she starts yelling at me until I yell back “HE TOLD ME HE WAS DIVORCED” so she’d hear me through all her yelling and sobbing. After that, the real story came out. Joe and her were indeed still married, though they had been having some problems lately because he had cheated on her before. As far as she knew, they were trying to work it out, but then she got suspicious about the fact that Joe would run to the phone when his “buddy” used the “code” to call (ring, hang up, ring again) and then disappear into the garage to talk, so she confronted Joe and he finally told her who I was and gave her my number when she demanded it. Joe told her I had been “relentlessly” coming onto him at work and he messed up in a moment of weakness, and that I meant nothing to him and he was so sorry and wanted to work it out with her. He had been playing us both all along.

    Her and I must have spent an hour on the phone talking about all the lies (what he had told me vs what he had told her on the nights we would go out, etc.). She said she was done with him and I promised her I was done with him, as well. I dropped Joe like a ton of bricks after that and refused to talk to him anymore, even at work. Two weeks later, his wife had taken their daughter and moved out, planning to file for divorce. Joe quit the job shortly after that, so I don’t know what came of it all in the end, but I hope she got her divorce and found someone loyal and faithful to her like she deserved.

    Even though it wasn’t my fault, I still felt absolutely horrible for being involved with someone who was married, and pretty stupid for not seeing the signs way sooner.

    Post # 11
    Member
    9982 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: City, State

    This is a funny question to answer.

    I’ve never been the other woman in my perspective. My ex were together a long time and he had a penchant for dating other girls on the side, like legitimate relationships with them so I’m sure some of those girls probably thought of me as the other woman even though we had been together seriously for almost a decade. 

    In addition to that there have been lots of girls along the way that were *thought* I was the other woman and refused to believe I had zero interest in their partners. Spoiler, never once wanted anything to do with their boyfriends and half the time it was me trying to shoot down their boyfriends advances yet I still got the blame. 

     

    Post # 12
    Member
    589 posts
    Busy bee

    About 5 years a I had a f*ck buddy, we shall call him Paul.  He was an absolute idiot but there was something really hot about him and he was so good in bed. One morning, after drunkily sleeping together he woke up really stressed demanding I leave his place. He was like ‘get out now. I have to go the airport to pick up a friend from France. Go now please’….whilst pulling the sheets off the bed. 

    He went to France a lot to see this friend, and whilst he was there I wouldn’t hear from here until he landed back in my country asking if I wanted to meet. 

    One evening we had dinner together and he said to me that cheating wasn’t a problem, that it’s possible to have sex and still be love with someone else. We got into a bit of an argument as I don’t agree and said it shows complete lack of respect. he then proceeded to tell me a story about a party he was at with a married couple and how the husband passed out drunk, the wife went upstairs to have sex with someone else and then come downstairs, woke her husband up and said ‘honey, let’s go’….and went home. I said I was appalled at his story. And he said ‘no. It just shows a horny woman who loves sex’.

    anyway, he went back to France to see this friend for a weekend. The following weekend me and him met up for drinks with my friends and his friends. One said to me ‘It was so cool last weekend because we went to this cool bar with Paul and his wife’

    I said ‘I’m sorry what??’

    and he said ‘yeah, Paul’s wife is French. She’s currently trying to move here. They meet up when they can’ 

    ……i left the bar and went straight home. He then came knocking on my door an hour later asking why I left. I shouted some abuse and then slammed the door in his face. 

    He didnt give up though. He messaged me about 2 years ago. I  had deleted his number so didn’t know it was him. I asked ‘who is this?’ And he replied ‘a funny, sexy man’ and I knew instantly it was him. So blocked him. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    73 posts
    Worker bee

    I had met a guy through college and he and I had very different schedules and never had dates but random hang outs when we had time. At the time I didn’t think things were so serious between us, but then after 4 hangouts he asked me to be his date for his brother’s wedding since he was the best man. Things went fast after that since I met his family and parents and ended up going to this wedding sitting up front with all his important family AND being in their wedding photos with the bride and groom. I had a great time at the wedding even though I didn’t talk to him much since he was the best man, but he dropped me off and kissed me good night.

    A few days later I reached out to him since I wanted to see where things were going, and he responded to my text with “I’ve been seeing someone else as well and I’ve decided to make things official with her.” I was shocked and honestly mortified that I’ll end up being in their family wedding photos for years to come and that he asked me to go when seeing someone else too!

    ETA: I really wasn’t the total other woman in my situation, but I ended up not knowing about someone else and not being with him in end. I blocked him and cut off contact as soon as I found out and never looked back, but found out about two years ago he proposed to her.

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