[SPINOFF] Have You Ever Been the Other Woman?posted 3 years ago in Relationships
- 3 years ago
This went on for about 16 months. The latest was I did not see/hear from him as long as 4 months straight which was the longest time ever. And finally, one of his friends reached out to me out of the blue. He told me the whole time I started seeing J, he was already with another girl for 2 years. He would only come see me when they would get into fights and when they were good, he would not feel the need to call me (this explained the month long absences).
Finally he said, J’s long time girlfriend got pregnant and that’s why he hasn’t been around me for 4 months now. So I learned that I was the other woman this whole time. His friend told me he felt bad for me for the longest time and just had to tell me that I probably will not see J ever again because he decided to settle once and for all with his girlfriend. I was so young and naive.
- 3 years ago
- Wedding: July 2017
This is sort of…. a “I knew” but also at the same time “ I didn’t know”, about the same guy. We shall call him W.
When I was in university, we had a “section” of our class that we would all go out with on Wednesday nights and were all pretty close. “W” was a really good looking classmate that would usually join us but another girl in our group was reeeeally into him. (He also had a CRAZY on again-off again ex… that comes into play later). “W” and our other classmate had drunkenly made out once, but when she tried to go further he basically told her he wasn’t interested, so she was borderline obsessed with him. So anyways, we are out one night and a couple of us go back to “W’s” house to party. One thing leads to another and me and him end up alone and then ended up hooking up…. which we continued to become friends and basically have casual sex under the radar of everyone in our class for the rest of the semester. To be fair, “W” and my other classmate weren’t actually dating as he made it clear that he didn’t want anything to do with her but I still felt I should keep it a secret regardless because I didn’t want to hurt her feelings. So that was me knowingly being the “other woman”.
ONE YEAR LATER.
So we remained friends with benefits for about a good year or so after school ended, and we bump into each other one night and decide to go home together. As we are in the cab, his “crazy ex” calls.. and he is bitching about how clingy and psycho and annoying she is, all of which I had heard before. So of course in my drunken stupidity I decide to be funny and pick up the phone and say hi to her and tell her “W is busy and can’t come to the phone right now” then hang up. WELLLLLL turns out she was actually not an ex, but they had gotten back together earlier in that week…. sooo W calls me the next day telling me that HIS GIRLFRIEND wants ME to apologize for being rude on the phone the night before. I literally laughed out loud and told him he can sort his own mess out, and that is how this weird ass tale ends. 🤷♀️
- 3 years ago
- Wedding: September 2017 - Pearson Convention Centre
No I have never cheated and I have never been the other woman. I have been with my husband since we were 14
- 3 years ago
Yeah and I knew it. I was 22, fell in love with my best friend in grad school who had a long-distance gf on another continent. I was totally selfish and had insane tunnel vision – I would have done anything to get with him, and eventually I did, thinking he’d break it off with his gf. Of course that didn’t happen, our “friendship” imploded, and I cut him out of my life and haven’t looked back in a decade. That phase of my life was a toooooootal low point – I am truly ashamed and mortified of how I behaved.
- 3 years ago
- Wedding: June 2013
I dated a guy who I later found out had another girlfriend at the same time. From what I could figure out, they were dating long term but were broken up when I met him. A few months later they got back together while he was still with me and I didn’t find out for a few more months. I felt like the other woman because of their history but I guess technically she was?
- 3 years ago
Yes. I was head over heels for my first college boyfriend, and we had been together almost a year and I told him I loved him, and he said, “Oh…I don’t love you, and I don’t think I ever will.” I was CRUSHED. And then he broke up with me.
SO a few days later, I am still upset and my guy friend tells me that he just got dumped, and we should hang out…yeah, I was stupid, so I did. So we hang out, and he ends up kissing me. So we mess around (thankfully no sex) and the next day, I find out that he hadn’t broken up with his girlfriend!! He ended up breaking up with her that day, but I was so mad, I blocked him on everything.
Well they ended up getting married later, and he has cheated on her with 3 women since their wedding, and she just puts up with it. So sad.
And then something I am not super proud about, is that my husband and I were both dating other people when we met. I met my husband when he came over to my house to tell my brand new roommate (his sister) that he wanted to break up with his girlfriend of 6 years. So long story short, we end up slowly becoming best friends, but he is still too much of a coward to break up with her. We never hung out alone, and our friendship was always appropriate, but I knew she didn’t like me. And I had a boyfriend who hated my friendship with this guy. So on their 7 year anniversary, he calls me to talk about his day, and tells me they are going out to dinner, and when we hung up, I realized I was jealous. So I start trying to figure out why I am jealous, when suddently I realize it…It was like in Clueless when she is walking and the water goes off and she thinks “I’m in love with Josh!”
A few days later, I called him and told him we can’t be friends anymore because I like him and it’s completely inappropriate for me to have feelings for someone with a girlfriend, especially while I have a boyfriend. So we don’t talk all week, and I break up with my boyfriend. And a few days later my roommate tells me that he FINALLY broke up with the girl. We started dating a few months later, and were engaged 6 months after that.
When his ex found out we were dating, she flipped out and accused him of cheating on her with me all along, and spread all these rumors about how I was a cheating whore etc. Even though I wasn’t the “other woman” physically, I think we slowly fell into using each other as our emotional support, and it happened so gradually that we didn’t realize it was happening until we were totally into each other. I feel bad that our ex’s were casualties, but we were never right for them, so whatever. 🙂
- 3 years ago
I was inadvertently the other woman once.
I was 19 at the time, and backpacking through europe with a group of friends.
I met “Simon” in an airport in Italy. He approached me and asked if I spoke english, and when I confirmed that I did he explained that he was a bit lost, and so I helped him with directions. We then chatted for a while and added each other on facebook before parting ways, which is kind of just what you did when you met other travellers. I thought nothing of it.
A few of days later, Simon messaged me on FB, asking where I was. I was in Spain, but would be leaving for Paris the next day. As luck would have it, he was to be in Paris at the same time. He suggested we meet up, so I told him that my friends and I had planned to go and see the Eiffel tower, and that I would meet him there. We chatted a lot over the next couple of days before I saw him again. He was 29 and a writer, who also had a job that required him to travel all over the world.
We met, he hung out with my friends and I for several hours, and the next day too. After this, he told me he was attracted to me, and that he wanted to spend more time with me. We spent the next week together constantly. He took me to the Louvre, Versailles, The Sacre Coeur etc. We kissed, held hands, talked a lot, and shared excellent french food. I was absolutely infatuated with him.
On my last night in Paris before returning home, I spent the night at his hotel and we slept together. At that time, it wasn’t something I usually did after knowing someone for only a couple of weeks, but I figured it was my only chance because I’d never see him again. I thought it was oh so romantic.
The next morning he took me to the train station, told me that he often worked in London and so he’d be able to see me again soon, and kissed me goodbye. I was ecstatic.
We were in a relationship for the next 6 months. He was in London every month or so for work, so every time he came he’d stay at my place. He offered multiple times to pay for my flights to come with him when he went to other cities, but I declined because it would have meant skipping too many university classes.
I was so head-over-heels for him that I missed all the red flags. He was actually pretty nasty to me during this time. He pressured me into things I didn’t want to do sexually, he was secretive, he was condescending to me and dismissive of my opinions because I “didn’t have enough life experience to know better than him”. But I ignored it all because when he wasn’t being an absolute wanker, he was so sweet and romantic.
Then at the 6 month mark, he was back home in NYC again and became very distant. He would go days without speaking to me, and each time I got paranoid that he was ghosting me. He’d told me he loved me, discussed moving tothe UK to be with me, planned how many children we would have, talked about our wedding etc, and now suddenly it was like he’d forgotten me. It caused me so much anxiety that I would physically vomit, and so I worked up the nerve to end things. He said it was for the best, and he didn’t know what he’d been thinking, trying to entertain a relationship with me after Paris. He did add that whenever he was back in the UK, he’d love to “have fun” with me again.
A month after I ended it, I got a message on facebook from a woman who told me she was Simon’s girlfriend of 7 years, and asked about the nature of my relationship with him. I asked her if I could call her, and so we spoke properly over the phone.
She had found flirty messages between us on his phone around the time he started being distant with me, and had asked him about me. He told her I was a friend that he’d met while travelling, that I was a writer too (which I wasn’t at the time), and that we were working on a writing project together. Then, when she’d found some explicit photos (which he practically forced me to let him take, and then promised me he’d deleted after it made me cry), he told her that we’d had a one night stand in Paris, but that was all.
I told her everything and sent our emails and messages as proof. She was perfectly nice to me, though devastated about Simon’s actions with me, and later lies to her. She told me she would delete the photos she’d found of me.
She explained that he’d lied a lot about the success of his writing, and that she had been financially supporting him over the last year including paying for his expenses when travelling. This included the hotel he and I had stayed in together, all of the places he took me in Paris and London, and all of the meals he’d paid for! It would have also included the flights he’d offered me, if I had taken him up on it.
Shortly afterward, I recieved an email from him saying that he was sorry for not telling me earlier, but he’d “got back together with an ex” about a month before I ended things between us, and he would appreciate me “not trying to make her jealous” by telling her about our relationship.
I told him to go fuck himself, and to never speak to me again.
Around 3 months later, I checked his facebook for some stupid reason. The girlfriend was still with him, and she had blocked me.
- 3 years ago
- Wedding: October 2017
ETA: shit gets crazy
when I was in uni I was super active in campus politics and therefore had a lot of guy friends. One, whom I’ll refer to as Aidan, was always super into me but I knew he had a girlfriend.
There was a club event one night where we accidentally kissed but we chalked it up to alcohol and I was all “nbd accidents happen”
well him and his gf get into this huge fight and break up so he calls me before I’m about to go to the same event we’re all going to the one night and rants. I was all let’s just have a good time and relax, worry about it later (as was my usual speech whenever anyone had relationship issues because I was strictly a no-relationships-ever girl at that point)
we get to the restaurant where this event is and I used to work with the bartender. One thing leads to another and Aidan starts hitting on me at which point I was like “well it’s really nbd” if you’re broken up
shit got real and we left together. They end up getting back together and we agree to never talk about it. Still good friends though. I went home for the summer and came back. First event I come back to a really good friend of mine asks if I’ve slept with Aidan. I lie straight through my teeth, and he knows I’m lying. How?
Aidan told his bloody girlfriend one night what happened when he got too drunk 😵 🤦♀️ then she not only moved in with him, she told every single person she could that this was somehow my fault etc and made SURE everyone knew I slept with her boyfriend.
JFC. Ladies, if you’re ever cheated on, don’t do that. Don’t go around telling everyone some chick slept with your man and it’s her fault, you just look stupid.
And she did look stupid because sure enough, after they’ve moved in together, we’re at another event and she’s not around. Guess what happened the second she wasn’t around?
yup. He’s drunk and hitting on me again. At this point I’m just laughing about the whole thing because to me it was hilarious. We had our little affair until I was seeing someone else, because my firm philosophy was that if it’s his prerogative to cheat it’s got nothing to do with me.
So here’s the truth about being the other woman: you know there’s something inherently wrong with their relationship, and it’s not always intentional. Sometimes just trying to comfort a friend turns into something else. Did I know? Yes. Did I feel bad about it? Honestly no. Does this make me a bad person? For being there when someone needs something to hold onto, even just for a second, to distract them from what’s going on in their life? I really don’t know.
Hilariously enough, I still find it comical when I go on Facebook to see a rant about “the other woman” and how it’s her fault someone’s man cheated.
It has nothing to do with that woman, it would’ve happened regardless if it were her or another woman.
- 3 years ago
Yes I have been the other woman, several times. I did not know about any of them until afterward. Each of them were only casual hookups, so I was never attached or invested in any of them. I would NEVER knowingly be the other woman. I have been cheated on and it SUCKS.
- 3 years ago
You and I have some great stories lol!
I met this guy and we were initially friends. We talked and chatted all the time. I knew he was into me and couple of months later, we kissed and that was that. Fast forward 4 months and he said he loved me and we started officially dating exclusively.
I knew he had an ex he was engaged to for 7 years. She had 3 kids and he was the only dad they knew so he would babysit the kids few times a week while she went to school. He also worked nights and he lived about an hour away from me so we always hung out during the day and he came to my side of town since I hated driving. He only spent the night few times in almost a year we dated and I really didn’t think much of it.
He was in the shower one day and he asked me to look something up so I used his phone and when I opened his phone, a text with someone was already up (last thing he had up on his phone i’m sure). I recognized the name as his ex so of course I read it. It was about the kids, when he will be home, I love yous, etc. I was floored. I didn’t know what to do so I looked up what he needed to and closed his phone. Next time I saw him, while he was in the shower, I looked at his phone again and saw the same messages from her and I looked but couldn’t find my name. I looked at his email and found him emailing girls on Craigslist!
When I confronted him, he confessed he was still together with the fiancee of 7 years, he worked during the day and he works at home or out on field a lot so it was easy to meet up with me during the day. The nights he spent with me, he was fighting with her and she thought he was at his best friend’s house. He had my number saved in his separate work phone under the name Jerry. I was appalled. He was also so confident he would never get caught. I broke it off immediately and told him never to contact me again. He contacted me every day for weeks saying he loves me and misses me. He still repeatedly said he would never get caught. I got tired of his arrogance and did what a girl had to do. I contacted his fiancee.
He had no idea I had taken a picture of her contact info from his phone. I wrote her an email telling her the whole truth and even attached pictures and videos (not having sex) to prove I was telling the truth. She emailed me back with some questions but after that, never heard from them again.
Year later, I was dating my ex fiancee and he emailed me, asking to meet. I didn’t want to but he begged so I agreed. My ex was going to meet me at the bar to make sure i was okay. I got there and he told me they tried to work it out but failed. He started dating someone else and wanted to thank me because if I didn’t tell her, he wouldn’t be dating her. I asked if she knew he was a cheater. What got me was he BLAMED ME for ruining his relationship with her kids. I said he had no one to blame but himself. He said she forwarded the email I had sent to his parents. Couple of pictures were x rated so I felt bad for his parents but none of them contained me. There was a girl next to me and a couple next to him at the bar and I thought it was weird there was some older lady in poop brown sweat pants at a bar but didn’t think much of it as she was watching TV and nursing a beer. The woman of the couple next to him told me straight up she couldn’t listen to his bullshit anymore and that the girl next to me was his new girlfriend!!! I said hello to her and that was it lol. Then my ex fiancee walked in. I was in a little dress and he was in a suit as we had just gotten off work and the new gf is in brown sweatpants and tshirt and the jerk in jeans and tshirt. I left the bar telling it never to call me again and when my ex and I walked away, arms around each other, him opening the car door for me and jerk and his new girl walked out separately and he didnt open the door for her. It felt freaking amazing lol.
I’ve had couple of other guys try stuff with me while they were married and I’ve told their wives too but only AFTER I had warned them never to contact me again and they did. Shouldn’t mess with me lol
- 3 years ago
I don’t have but I have been solicited to become a ‘mistress’. Yes, a weird co-worker actually asked me in these exact words, “I am really attracted to you and I want us to start sleeping with each other. So you can be my mistress.” (Like WTF?)
- 3 years ago
when i was 17 i was sleeping with my 37 year old married coworker, who i also babysat for…because i was a really lovely person and definitely didn’t have massive daddy issues.
looking back i’m like WHO THE FUCK SLEEPS WITH A 17 YEAR OLD?