SPINOFF: Have you lost friends/family over a wedding?

posted 2 months ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
4767 posts
Honey bee

I definitely think a little less of some people after my wedding. We had 2 people RSVP yes and then no-show with 0 explanation. One of them was in town recently and invited us to a get together which we declined. I think that’s about it though lol. 

Post # 4
Member
1327 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

No, and I don’t know anyone who’s experienced this IRL either.

 

Post # 5
Member
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I didn’t loose any family over my wedding but we did think less of one of my husband’s friend. Him and his Girlfriend RSVP that they will stay on site for the night and have brunch the next day (it was supposed to be only family but he insisted) they show up and were making out and were waywoverboard with pda. they were acting like they were a couple of 15years old alone in their parents basement. They are 29 years old.

They ignore my husband’s all night and everyone at our table (he was sitting with us). He was just talking with his Girlfriend and making out. They left early enough and didn’t show up the next day. He didn’t even gave a congradulation card. 

Post # 6
Member
356 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

bostonbee2018 :  I love Gilmore Girls. It’s my 31 autumnal/winter show to binge on. 😉 

That being said, I am not inviting ANY of my family to the wedding. Can’t wait to see if anyone crashes/whines. 

Post # 7
Member
2005 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

My husband and I both lost two male friends funny enough. 

Mine: Barely talked to since leaving the town we both used to live in. Leading up the wedding he kept trying to talk to me and I could tell he thought he would be invited. Since it was a very close family and friend wedding, he was not going to be. Afer the weddig he tired to make me feel really guilty for not inviting him. I stopped talking to him all together after that. 

Husbands friend: He wasn’t going to be invited because we just weren’t that close anymore, they lived pretty far away, and didn’t know anyone else in the circles we were inviting. Leading up the wedding he  kept bugging me husband about wedding details. We kept it vauge. After the wedding he called my husband and asked him what he did wrong, why weren’t they freinds anymore. He feels that we don’t care about him. Just really laid it on. Then stopped talking to us. My husband was pretty angry so he didn’t care about loosing the friendship. 

Post # 8
Member
473 posts
Helper bee

I seriously don’t get why people fall out over wedding invites or ignore they are in the bridal party etc… 

I really thought one of my best friends would ask me to be a Bridesmaid, but she didn’t, she only wanted her sister, and you know what, I was a bit gutted but did I tell her or become nasty because I had thought I’d be in the bridal party?! No! Did I still help out like I would if I had been a bridesmaid, yes of course, she’s one of my best friends. To me it ridiculous the amount of drama weddings cause with things like this, that years of friendships are ended because of a decision someone makes about one day?! I would never reconsider a friendship over one day. I’d still be happy for them, there to celebrate with them.

I was bridesmaid for one of my old school friends,  with another of our group of 4, the 4th girl was not, at that time she had a new born and lived150 miles away so the friend getting married took the stress off her and just made her a regular guest, did she expect to be bridesmaid yes? Did she fall out because she wasn’t? No! The same friend was only invited to the reception of the second friends wedding because she had a very small ceremony, and couldn’t fit her in. Was she a bit gutted? Yes but did they fall out?! No! 

I get no shows or or last minute cancellations suck because people have paid for a meal and I think depending on the reason that’s a different kettle of fish. Last month My Fiance and I attended a wedding, initially we were only invited to the evening, they are old friends of my Fiancé but not that close anymore, however someone dropped out the day before so they asked us to go all day. No big deal my fiancé wasn’t offended at being on the reception only list, nor did he take offence at being a back up for the day bit. However at the same wedding which started at 1pm someone text the bride at 2.40pm to say they wouldn’t make it, no excuse either one of the day guests too, which is a meal paid for that went uneaten. We made sure to have the missing guests champagne toast though! They were a bit upset at that understandably, I don’t know the outcome but I imagine that affected the friendship, but that’s the only situation I can think that would affect a friendship, £50-£100 ahead for a day meal is a lot of money which could have gone elsewhere

Post # 9
Member
106 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2019

I have a friend who was best friends with her Maid/Matron of Honor before the wedding and after the wedding barely speak. It was a shitshow of a year of planning where Maid/Matron of Honor monopolized everything and tried to make it about herself, alienated all of the other bridesmaids (myself included), showed up late or left early from all wedding related events or skipped them altogether, didn’t bother to muster up much of a gift, screwed up the bachelorette (failed to invite about half the guests and angered a number of the brides friends), made an embarrassing speech expressing her distate for the husband in less words, and insulted every step of the planning including throwing a hissy when she had to go first for hair on the wedding day. The fact that they’re friends anymore at all is a shock.

No longer friends with this person but I knew a girl who asked a bridesmaid to be in her wedding and the bridesmaid declined because she did not support the marriage. That put a nail in the coffin for that friendship.

The groom and the MC of a wedding I attended got into a physical fight on the night of the wedding and have not spoken since.

I am hoping for a really drama free wedding but I already foresee that a number of people will be deeply offended to not be invited (we are doing a 35 person out of town wedding – the venue only holds 40). An old friend of mine insinuated that she might be a bridesmaid in the wedding but actually she is not even on the guest list… we haven’t really been in touch for years except an odd conversation here or there and I know that this will come as a huge blow.

Post # 10
Member
696 posts
Busy bee

I won’t say I lost a friendship over my wedding, but my wedding put the nails in the coffin of our friendship. I had a friend I had been close to for a few years. About 11 months before my wedding, she started a a MLM business which I refused to throw a “party” for, so she started distancing herself. Over the next few months, she turned down invites to hang out or attend previously agreed upon events with no added details. Darling Husband had requested her contact info for the invite, but when it came down to sending out invites, I felt like she had made it pretty clear she wanted nothing to do with me and I didn’t want to be a doormat, so she wasn’t invited. The day after the wedding, she sends us both a message stating she was hurt not to be invited and she had been “checking for the invite” for weeks – which both Darling Husband and I side-eyed, bc she hadn’t talked me at that point for six months and neither she nor her husband had reached out to either of us. I responded with an apology, stating that given everything that had happened (and not happened), I figured she no longer wanted to continue our friendship and I hadn’t invited her in order to avoid being rejected by her yet again. She didn’t respond, but when I ran into her three months later, she snapped at me. Since then, we’ve cordially ignored each other. 

I had two friends upset with me for not including them in the wedding planning, but that was worked through within a week after the wedding. 

ETA: I realize I made some mistakes in how things went down, and in retrospect, I would’ve gone ahead and swallowed my pride and invited her. I don’t think she would have come, but at least I would’ve done my part. 

Post # 11
Member
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I forgot to also add another thing that happen on my wedding day. My husband’s father got married two years ago to a woman who have a daughter (the little girl is now 9 years old).  The little girl was telling her mom that I’m a pretty bride and she (my dh step mom) turned around and told her that it not true, she looked way nicer than I do. So the little girl came to see my mother and I and told us that her mom looked way nicer than me. 

It was so pathetic and sad. I still don’t know how to handle that. 

Post # 12
Member
364 posts
Helper bee

bostonbee2018 :  yes. I lost a friend, Sarah, of 20 years. She and my sister and I were best friends since being teenagers. We were bridesmaids for each others wedding until it was my turn. At this time, my sister and Sarah had moved across states and each had a 1 year old child. When I announced my marriage is coming, Sarah was assuming she would be bridesmaid and her daughter a flower girl. So, I asked her, even though I wondered to my sister while doing so, will she “flake out”?  For in the past 10 years she had “ghosted” at times, even once when I drove across the country to see her.  Would not tell me the address to meet her. No explanation ever for ghosting beyond to say she had extreme PMS. Now, to travel with a young child across state line, and I know she did struggle with post partum, and with feeding the child (even to the time that CPS investigated, the baby was so thin) seemed a lot. However she was so excited.  So I asked it of her, she posted a video on Facebook for all the world to see her daughter is going to be a flower girl. 

She was so helpful to me in the beginning helping find location for the marriage. Then, 5 months before, she fought with my sister over a silly thing on Facebook.  Sarah made a comment like “wow” on a news item – this is how it got in our newsfeed. Someone, X, commenting on the  news item said some thing sexist. Another stranger, Y, told X to kill themselves. My sister commented to Y that they shouldn’t tell people to kill themselves online, and especially not to do it while Y had their employer name on their public view for all the world to see.  My sister did not mean to defend the sexist X, only to say, do not encourage any one to suicide.  Sarah then jumped in to say how offended it was to her, especially to bring up Y’s employer. It is creepy to comb their profile and rude, you can get them fired. Anyway, it was a big fight and carried off Facebook. My sister apologized a few time. 1st to Sarah direct. Then Sarah said, no, do it in public. So my sister did. Still, not accepted.

It was strange and silly to me, and I assume that it will blow over by wedding day. A problem is that my sister was maid of honor, and Sarah would not respond to her calls or texts. So, I called, messaged, to confirm things regarding bridesmaid dress, the makeup,  hotel I was buying for bridesmaid and so on.  She will never respond. 

I still send her an invitation, and still she will not respond if she will even come. I expressed in unanswered message how I did not understand, the silly fight had no thing to do with me. No response. I lost money for bridesmaid dress, flower girl dress, flowers, make up,  for the reason I did not want to cancel in the case she answered. 

3 week before wedding she responded, to say her husband had gotten a transfer from the military to other base and with the move she could not come to marriage at all. She said she felt like a bad friend, however she did not answer about the wedding because she did not want to risk more fight with my sister.

I accepted the apology in print, but in my heart no. Her word reminded me of all the time she ghosted on me before, and the way that I served her as a friend and received no thanks, only mistreatment. 

My sister and her are back friends now talking every day. However I did not respond to any communication from her and we do not speak for nearly a year now. It is terrible to leave a friend of 30 years however I do not want to be friends any more. 

Post # 13
Member
3330 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Absolutely. My cousin and best friend (same person) asked to be my MOH; I honestly would have chosen her anyway. She was my only attendant. She would pick fights with me about the weirdest stuff (i.e. “whaaa! why can’t I wear a spanx swim cover-up as my bridesmaid dress? Stop controlling meee!”) She became very scarce (wouldn’t confirm whether she’d ordered her dress, etc) in the month leading up to the wedding, sent me a text letting me know she “might” not come, and then simply, failed to show up. She sent me an email weeks later essentially telling me that she’s sure I’m upset, and that at some point, “when the smoke clears,” she’s going to give me a full explanation. I was willing to continue the friendship, but she ducked all my attempts to contact her for the next year or so. Then 3 years went by, without a word from her, and out of the blue she tells me “I know what you want to hear; I’m sorry” and that was it. Interestingly, last I heard, she and my mom (who also showed her entire behind in the time surrounding my wedding) are now BFFs. They deserve each other. 

 

Two of my threads on the subject: 

https://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/moh-with-absolutely-no-sense-of-style-why-me-lawd/ 

https://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/what-to-say-to-moh-who-stood-me-up-longish/ 

Post # 14
Member
401 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I haven’t actually lost this family member, but I wouldn’t care if I did. One of my great-aunts who I can’t stand and am not close with was highly offended because I didn’t personally call her to announce my engagement. Um. Whatever. She says she’s not coming to the wedding. Good!

Post # 15
Member
839 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

Welp. I feel like I have lol – but we will see!!

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