SPINOFF: Have you lost friends/family over a wedding?

posted 7 days ago in Emotional
Post # 46
Member
99 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

cutters :  You don’t need people like them as bridesmaids let alone friends. I’d have no bridesmaids at all than have them.

Post # 47
Member
154 posts
Blushing bee

This hasn’t happened to me…but I have a friend who is getting married. Two of his cousins and one of his brothers is in the wedding party. His only sister is offended that she wasn’t asked to be in the wedding party. At the last minute, they gave her a role as a reader but she sees this as a “pity role”. My friend’s sister stopped  talking to my friend’s fiancee over this. His sister is very sad and she has also distanced herself from my friend. She has been telling people that her brother and his fiancee do not like her. Apparently, she feels snubbed and excluded. They announced the wedding roles at the engagement party so his sister was shocked in front of a large group of people. My friend’s parents are also upset with him. In this family and culture, siblings are always in the wedding party especially when there is only one of a sex.

Maybe I sound weird….but I actually feel sorry for his sister. I think it looks bad that cousins were chosen over her as well as another sibling. They could have told her that she wasn’t in the wedding beforehand instead of springing it on her. His sister says that it was a very public slight. My friend swears that it isn’t personal but I told him that it certainly looks that way. He’s mad at his sister and his parents for being upset. I let my friend know that he can do whatever he wants but he can’t control other people’s reactions to his choices. 

I will never understand couples who are fine with driving a wedge between family members over one day. I guess my friend’s fiancee didn’t think of the long term effects of her decision. I know my friend’s mom and she doesn’t forget anything. His mother is offended and hurt for her daughter. 

Post # 48
Member
2574 posts
Sugar bee

bostonbee2018 :  it is a real thing lol

But in my experience, especially with family, there has been some sort of underlying issues before the wedding that may have just been amplified over the process. 

I haven’t completely “lost” people, but i would be lying if i said that our relationship hasn’t changed in some way. 

One of my bridesmaids, my cousin, i knew was going to be a little difficult to deal with from the start. I love her and she means well most of the time, but she has a very abrasive personality that can be seen as bossy. Through the planning, she wasn’t so bad. She complained about the dress (until she tried it on and said she liked it), didnt make it to any of the pre-wedding events which is OK as she had to travel. She couldn’t make up her mind if she wanted hair and make up done, missed the deadline and then a week before the wedding messaged me to add her. My Maid/Matron of Honor was organizing this and she refused to message in the group chat and have me pass on her wishes. 

OK fine, she is added in for hair. She asked so many times the day before what time she should be there. I told her, Maid/Matron of Honor told her, i sent a text with info and a map. I still wake up to messages asking what time. She came hung over. She kept asking the other Bridesmaid or Best Man if she had time to “pop down for a drink” while getting ready. She added in her make up, delaying our pics and making us run behind. 

We ran out of the room in different groups and apparently she got left in the bathroom and she was upset at the other Bridesmaid or Best Man. Her phone was dead and kept asking to use mine, even when i was about to do my first look and was waiting for H to come around the corner any second! 

She told my brother after that she doesnt know why i made her a bridesmaid and she felt left out that she didnt stay with me the night before. She doesnt know who i am anymore etc. It wasn’t a sleep over – my sister/MOH wasnt even there. I had a friend and Bridesmaid or Best Man stay with me because it was easier as they were doing so much for me in the morning. I still love her and would still talk to her, but to be honest we havent talked much since the wedding. I think i was irritated that she complained about me and brought my character into questioning. Yes, i am not the push over 15 year old you use to boss around. 

 

Post # 49
Member
1511 posts
Bumble bee

mrsautumn36 :  I feel like this sister is making it all about her and that she is the one driving a wedge. I’m kinda on the couples side. It’s their day and I’m sure the bride just has people she’s closer to for her bridal party. 

Post # 50
Member
154 posts
Blushing bee

Peachytalk :  

I would agree with you if it wasn’t for several factors: the sister being the only female sibling, the fact that cousins were chosen, and another sibling being included in the wedding party. It’s just not very kind or considerate to snub a sibling like that. I don’t know…I guess I’m just overly thoughtful. 

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