(Closed) Spinoff: Hilarious Date Stories.. share yours!!!

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 17
Member
2902 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

One guy took me to a seafood reasturant then ordered a pasta minus the seafood. I asked why he did this and he told me it gave him explosive diarrhea (his words not mine)

 

Another time I went on a picnic with a guy. We were on a hill and were making out a bit. I lay back to get comfortable and noticed a hideous smell which I tried to ignore. It got worse and worse before he was like ‘wtf is that smell’ 

 

We realized I had lay back in a pile of dog shit. 

 

Romance baby, I got it ๐Ÿ˜‰

 

Post # 19
Member
2902 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@honie309:  A weirdo who tried to force me back to his house to ‘meet his cats’ He also took a photo of me at dinner and sent it to his Mum. Who the eff does that??

 

 

Post # 20
Member
2375 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

This is more funny/pathetic, but here we go.  I’m a swimmer, and we had an awesome rock quarry turned pool in my town.  Like 30+ feet deep in parts, floating docks to lounge on, etc.  I mention to my (now) ex, that we should go.  He said that sounded like a great idea, it’ll be fun.  So of course, I assume that he’s comfortable swimming.  Went straight to the deep end, dove in and started heading towards one of the floating docks.  I notice that he’s not right behind me.  I turn around, and he’s steadily sinking, 20 feet away.  Cursed, swam back and pulled him back to the edge of the pool.  He’s too freaked out to pull himself out of the water, so I have to drag him to the ladder.  Mind you, there’s several lifeguards, none of them paying attention.  Finally get him out of the water and asked what happened.  I’m thinking he choked, something, anything.  Nope, he tells me that he doesn’t know how to swim, and he thought he’d figure it out.  In the 30 ft deep part.  At that point, I just packed everything up and we went home.

Post # 21
Member
1845 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@MariContrary:  I lol’d! He just Thought he’d figure it out?! Lol!!

 

Post # 22
Member
1042 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I was watching a movie with a guy at his place. He got up sometime in the middle and I heard him brush his teeth, and gargle mouthwash. He came back reeking of Scope. I asked if he just brushed his teeth, and he responded, “yeah, so we can make out.” I looked at him a little creeped out, and told him I wasn’t interested in making out and I wanted to watch the movie.

He responded, “how about a hand job then, you can still watch the movie.” I thought he was joking, so I laughed and moved away from the couch, telling him, “no thanks”. He then asked if he could just ‘take care of it himself’. By the time I looked over, he already had his hand down his pants and started jerking it!

I promptly got my coat and left.

I shudder when I think of this. What a whack job (pun intended)

 

Post # 23
Member
2902 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Ooh I just remembered another one.

 

I met this gay guy who I got along famously with. He was hilarious and such a riot so we went out on the town a few times. After knowing him for months he asked me around to his place to watch the movie Grease. I said yes and proceeded to get steadily drunk while in my PJ’s at his place. Well he decided to put the moves on me that night so I was all ‘WTF dude! Your Gay!” He was really offended saying he was totally straight and thought we were hooking up. I was so confused and upset I thought he tricked me so I waltzed out of the house in a drunken stink and walked home in my pajamas. This is in downtown Sydney, Australia so I fit right in ๐Ÿ™‚

Never saw him again until he showed up on my TV one morning, as a TV presenter lol

Post # 24
Member
2902 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@metalbride:  Ewwwww! Ew Ew Ewwwwww!!!! Barf-o-rama

Post # 25
Member
818 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Hahahaha Hooters. These are all so funny. 

Post # 26
Member
46 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I’m reading this thread at the office and it’s so hard to hold my laugh ๐Ÿ˜€ Great stories! Please keep them coming ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 27
Member
1572 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’m teh queen of first dates – so many times they were awkward or just not good, no reason to go for round two. Before I met my now husband, I had a string of awful dates. So bad that I actually put off hanging out with now husband b/c I was debating quitting dating for a while. One guy met up with me at a bar near my old house. It’s a place i used to go regularly – great beer list, fantastic burgers (any can be made with their house made black bean burger). We order a drink, and things are awkward but nice enough that we order food. And then it started. First, he reached across the table to grab my hand, spilled his water and beer. Then he was rude the waiter (A HUGE NO NO in my book). After he had just been a jerk to the waiter, and I apologized for his behavior, he looks at me and goes “You know, you have soft eyes”. then licks his lips.  I was pretty over it at that point, but he continued to go on and tell me about his parents divorce, watching his dad hit his mom,e tc. 

Another guy actually brought his mom!! A first date! I walk in to the restaurant and he’s there with this lady who then introduces herself. I felt like she was interviewing me. At the end, we go dutch, and mom goes “Well I will go wait in the car so you guys can kiss”. NO.

Another guy was great. First date is going well, we have a ton to talk about. We both work in the health field, and he’s super intelligent. We went for a second date. And then it all went downhill. He told me about his 3 kids, all by different women – I’m not judging that per se. My issue was that the oldest was 22, so I wasn’t that much older (then middle school age, and youngest was a year old). He had mentioned before that he attended med school, but since he’s not a dr I figured he’d dropped out, done his PhD in something else. Well, he did his PhD in something else, but he had finished med school. He had a raging pill addiction and got caught writing px to himself and went to jail. Then he relapsed recently so he’s on some medication to make sure he doesn’t slip up again, buthe sometimes will go through people’s purses, medicine cabinets, etc to find stuff. I tried to not judge addiction (hey, I wrote a thesis on women and addiction) but he was so weird about it. Then he literally grabbed my boob when we were standing there talking. He just reached out and cupped a feel. we werent kissing. When Iwas like, “whoa there, slow down buddy” he was like, “Did you stop me b/c of my addiction?” he kept texting me after that to go out again,a nd when I’d say I thought we were better as friends and further, i’m rather busy it was always “is this b/c of my addiction?? I thought you of all people wouldn’t judge me for that!”

Last one I can think of is a dude who HATED dogs. HATED. Now, I have 2 dogs and i may love them a bit much, but we met on a dating website and I mentioned my dogs there. So on the date he keeps going on about how he just hates dogs, not even dislikes (and it’s not for allergies). I kind of laughed adn said, well I love dogs and i think you’re missing out b/c my 2 are awesome. He asked me if I’d consider getting rid of them. I said, no they’re family and I love them. he said, “Well when we move in together, you’ll have to get rid of them or I will just walk aroudn kicking them”

Post # 28
Member
3415 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Lodge

Several years ago after my ex and I broke up I got a Facebook message from a guy I had met once or twice who was a friend of my friends ex husband.  He said he saw from my profile that I was single and did I want to go out.  I figured why not.  So we met at a restaraunt and initially my thought was “wow this guy is not as good looking as I remember.” He had put on about 50 lbs.  But whatever, I’m not one to discriminate based on looks.  So we’re talking through dinner and he said that he’s had a crush on me since he first saw me about 4 years prior to that but I was always in a relationship.  He said that he would go to my profile page to just look at me and was so happy to read on my page that me and ex had broken up….I was kind of creeped out by this but endured it for a little while longer.  Then the rest of the dinner he proceeds to talk about girls he’s dated recently and why it didn’t work out with them.  Then he mentions one girl he was going to propose to last month but she was younger than him and her parents didn’t approve of their relationship.  I asked how old she was because I thought ok age shouldn’t matter, and its not her parents relationship….she was 16 and he was 30.  UMMM EEEWWWWW!  I shortly after made up a lame excuse and high tailed it out of there.  I blocked him from my facebook page so he couldn’t find me again.  I guess there was a reason my friend divorced her ex and why this guy was HIS friend and not HERS.

Post # 29
Member
1105 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I went on a sympathy date with this guy I knew really liked me, but I saw no future for us (he was a devout Christian, no sex before marriage kinda guy). We took a walk and he told me that he wouldn’t go on a date with anyone unless he could see himself married to the girl. Little intense. When I asked him what music he was into, he said ‘I don’t listen to music’. Seriously? 

Then when we were sitting in the park, he asked if he could massage my shoulders. Ok… little awkward but sure. He starts getting slightly out of breath massaging my shoulders… ew. I put a stop to it, he walked me home and invited himself in, followed me up the stairs then threw me on the bed so I’m face down, and started massaging my calves… wtf????? I told him to get off me, I stood up, looked down and saw he had a boner. Gross. He told me his religion doesn’t even let you masturbate… wtf? I said goodnight, walked him to the door then closed it behind him. NO MORE DATES WITH HIM. 

Post # 30
Member
605 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Brazil Room

Oh man… I have a story about being unknowingly INVITED to someone else’s date.

After I got divorced, I still hung out with my friends and my ex every Saturday at my old house (that he still lived in). Weird, I know. So one Saturday I show up with my friend and my ex is heading out the door. “Hey what’s going on?” “Oh, I’m going out to the movies with my friend from work and her dad and sister” “But we hang out every Saturday and we’re here.. uh.. I guess we can leave” “No, you can come along with us”

So once I got there, I could tell right away that this girl from his work was totally into my ex. I don’t know why her dad and sister were there, but they were scarce the whole time and kept to themselves. Of course my friend and I are still a little clueless, so we start chatting up the “work friend”. You should’ve seen her eyes pop out of her head when she found out I was the ex wife. Then, she started acting uncomfortably “friendly” to me… sitting next to me… slapping my leg when she thought something was funny… odd jokes and laughing too hard when things weren’t that funny… weird weird weird.

So finally when we get back to ex’s house (girl had gone home) my friend and I were harrassing him about why on earth he would invite us to his date with this girl (and why didn’t he tell her he was married before? yikes). “Oh.. she’s not interested in me, we’re just friends” “(Ex) you’re an idiot… that girl wants you bad”

Needless to say, they’re married now with a son lol He’s still an airhead though ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 31
Member
1170 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Oh good heavens I have tons of them.

Went on a date with a male nurse who admitted he was addicted to pain killers as soon as drinks arrived.

Went on a date with a guy who asked my opinion on nylons, only to tell me during the appetizer that he was wearing womens stockings.

I went on a semi normal date til it got to the end, when he followed me to the car and asked me where I was going, I was leaving and he said “wait I just spent 14.00 on your dinner, dont you think you owe me something?” I told him he better move because when I backed out I was going to back over him.

I went on a date with a guy whose wife showed up at the restaurant. I had no idea he was married. I offered her my place at the table, apologized and paid for the dinner. I wish I had stayed, I cant imagine what she said to him. Needless to say his dating profile on Plenty of Fish disappeared the next day.

Finally meet Darling Husband and though I love him to death and would literally give up my life for him cause he is my passion and my love, I might have married him anyway just so I didnt have to go on bad dates anymore….Kidding…I love my Darling Husband

The topic ‘Spinoff: Hilarious Date Stories.. share yours!!!’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors