*SPINOFF* How do you maintain relationships with racist friends/family members?

posted 12 months ago in The Lounge
  • poll: Have you ever ended a relationship because the other person held racist sentiments?
    Yes : (47 votes)
    72 %
    No : (18 votes)
    28 %
  • Post # 31
    Member
    661 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2019

    chelbell23 :  My point is

    Racism is racism. Acknowledging this fact does not lessen the struggle of the current social climate. The thought that one race is exempt compounds the issue.

    Post # 32
    Member
    1603 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2019 - City, State

    misty2007 :  Yes. Racism is racism, and there is no such thing as racism against white people.

    Post # 33
    Member
    4224 posts
    Honey bee

    happiekrappie :  Lol! I’m glad someone understood what I was trying to say!

    Post # 34
    Member
    1617 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2018 - Location

    I feel blessed to say that I have no racist friends or family members.

    I am of mixed race myself so I guess if they’re racist they wouldn’t be my friend in the first place!

    And my family is a huge mix everyone is married to different ethnicities 🙂 

    Post # 35
    Member
    653 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2017

    chelbell23 :  I think your argument is too simplistic. Yes, technically, in white dominated countries, I agree that white people are largely not dominated and oppressed by people of other races. This is obviously because the systems and processes and histories are set up for white people to be dominant/hold power.  But I certainly think it is possible for people of non-white backgrounds to hold racist views and act in racially motivated ways.  They just don’t have the power to do it beyond a small scale.  I feel that, in the course of my work (largely with people of non-white backgrounds), that if I am abused with insults that are based on my race ‘white c***’, ‘white dog’ etc (which I hear quite often), that I am able to say that these people are being racist towards me. They have taken against me based on the colour of my skin and their perception of what this means. They are attributing a stereotyped view of all white people to me.  True, that this doesn’t cause the same harm to me (or the larger societal systems) that the long history of white oppression has to them, but I don’t think it is fair to sweep it aside and discount it or say that it is not ‘racist’.

     

    Post # 36
    Member
    1603 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2019 - City, State

    ozbee :  What you are describing is racial prejudice, not racism. And no, those are not the same thing and trying to claim they are the same is counterproductive. Read more here: https://www.ucalgary.ca/cared/mythofreverseracism

    One, feelings are hurt. The other involves deep rooted systematic oppression with actual consequences. They are not equivalent and cannot be described by the same label. This point is just not up for debate. It’s just not. And trying to is not the purpose of this thread, so I’m not going to discuss this anymore.

    Post # 37
    Member
    1675 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2018

    chelbell23 :  You might want to remember this is a global site.  Racism against white people absolutely exists, even if it doesn’t in your own country. 

     

    Post # 39
    Member
    1675 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2018

    chelbell23 :  Yeah, good one. 

    Sorry, try having a gun pointed at you, or a mob wanting to rape you for the colour of your skin then ignoring it when someone says that racism against you is impossible to experience. 

    Post # 40
    Member
    1603 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2019 - City, State

    youngbrokebride :  That is horrible, and I’m sorry if that happened to you. But I’m done discussing the issue. 

    Post # 41
    Member
    653 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2017

    To me, everything is up for debate. Only narrowminded people or those without the intellectual fortitude to consider other viewpoints would state their position and refuse to consider any other. Something is not JUST SO simply because you say so, and refusing to discuss something doesn’t make it so either.  

    Post # 42
    Member
    1118 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2019

    I have had many racist comments/bullying towards me in my life. I have zero tolerance for any racist comments, regardless of the person’s age and their relationship to me. I will immediately call someone out if I hear anything even subtly racist. If they don’t retract the comment or apologize, I will not continue the relationship. I have a lot of trauma stemming from racism towards me and I see ZERO reason for anyone to make excuses for or tolerate this type of behaviour that is so incredibly harmful to others. If you are defending someone’s racism or allowing it to continue without consequence, you are allowing others to continue to be hurt.

    Post # 43
    Member
    49 posts
    Newbee

    I highly recommend reading So You Want to Talk About Race. Engaging and thought-provoking, it addresses how racism permeates everyday life and offers suggestions for how we can work to dismantle it.

    Post # 44
    Member
    6231 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2016

    Also, the work of Robin DiAngelo is amazing and easy to understand for even those with the most limited exposure to what racism is and is not.

    I have not had to cut off family as a result of racism, but I have cut off “friends”- aka white women from college who were people I knew and was friendly with but, once their true colors were revealed, I didn’t give enough of a fuck about them to make it a teaching moment. There are billions of people on the planet, I don’t need to suffer to keep anyone around.

    In terms of family- my SIL has a loudmouth, racist Brother-In-Law and we happened to be at a mutual gathering last year and he got too comfortable and forgot he was in mixed company and said something ignorant and racist (about people who are part of the same ethnic group as I am) and I called him out for it, directly, and (deliberately) publicly embarrassed him. He tried to laugh it off and I wouldn’t let him- if you’re going to be a bigot, at least have the courage to own it, pos.

    This year, the gatherings were separate. As they should be. He isn’t invited to enjoy my awesome self. Ever.

    Post # 45
    Member
    8453 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    happiekrappie :  

    I haven’t but I would if they expressed and defended such views .

    I have ended relationships with people who held and expressed and defended sexist/misogynist views. 

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