Post # 1
The thread about “is it OK to be friends with people you once had sex with” got me thinking about this. . . how much have you and your SO told each other about past relationships/exes? How much do you think is OK? Full disclosure? Nothing– water under the bridge? Or somewhere in between?
My mom thinks a couple should share a LOT of info about their exes. . . I guess that’s what my parents do– but I just can’t. I wouldn’t want to listen to that and I’d be weirded out by describing past stuff to my SO!!
How do you feel about this?
Post # 3
@Creiddylad: I met SO when I was going through the aftermath of a devastation breakup. He was actually “that guy: that was trying to be a friend and listen, and he probably heard a lot about the guy! I don’t remember much of what I said, but he knew what our relationship was like, what I expected, how he dumped me, and some key details about first kiss (my first ever kiss), things like that, and of course, the fact that we had not been sexually involved, so no STD risks. But I don’t think my situation is “normal!” In a regular situatoin I would say, I would tell current SO about past exes (that they exist, how many serious bfs, std checks, etc).
Post # 4
I should add that I fall in the “A fair amount” category– I just can’t deal with the idea of hearing details about kisses or sex or emotions, and wouldn’t want to share those things with my SO.
I’m very interested to see how the poll ends up looking. . .
Post # 5
Darling Husband and I became friends before dating and we used to talk ALL the time about previous relationships. He was even “hooking up” with a woman he met at a bar and I was always trying to get him to let me meet her. But it was a fling and he didn’t want her getting the wrong idea….but she did, so he ended it with her and we started dating shortly after.
He even showed me pics of his exes…several times…apparently, it was stupid guy advice in order to make me jealous. WTH??? Which is why I want those thousands of pictures gone!
Post # 6
I actually voted a fair amount. The only reason I’m not saying full disclosure, is really because he doesn’t really ask me anything about them, but I just end up spilling the beans myself, so I don’t really get to all or the juicy details, as they are not always relevant to the topic of discussion. I’m still friends with one of my Ex’s and the Ex actually calls from time to time, so I always tell my SO about the conversation afterwards. Not because he asks, but because I want to be completely upfront about everything. Sometimes, to describe the conversation, I need to give him a description of past experiences with my EX.
As far as hearing about his Ex’s, he doesn’t regularty volunteer the information, but I ask alot. Sometimes I want to know things out of curiousity. It certainly doesnt’ bother me to hear about it. SO is mine now, and mine only! So I really don’t give a rip about hearing about his past. I know he had other relationships & sexual experiences before me, and I have no problem hearing about any of it.
Post # 7
I’ve told my Fiance all the important things, and been honest about people I’m still in contact with plus told him honestly anything he as asked.
Post # 8
My Fiance has told me far more than I wish to know! I’ve actually had to tell him to stop a couple of times…I now know stuff about people we still see in a social circle that I really wish I didn’t!
I’m far more experienced that my Fiance, and I’m not sure if his ‘loose lips’ were coming from insecurity or boasting. He soon knocked it off when I started going into gory detail about one of my exs!
I suppose what makes the difference to me is that we still see a fair few of FI’s exs. Apart from my ex H, we only see one of mine.
Post # 9
If he asked, I would tell. But we both just don’t really care about those past relationships/flings. Past is past, I couldn’t care less! Honnestly, very rarely does good come out of discussing past relationships, so why do it?
Post # 10
We both have been very open about exes, and had full disclosure quite early on in our dating relationship. If something comes to mind, we share that too. We are both just curious by nature and find it interesting to know about our pasts, and who we shared them with, as it is part of who we are and why we are as we are!
I have never felt weirded out or uncomfortable talking anout exes, or about anything else about us. I actually would say sharing those things with each other so openly only has us feel closer and more connected.
Post # 11
i said a little but let me explain why. I tell him anything and everything he wants to know about. He has asked some weird questions but because I know its all in my past and I have no problem letting him know about who I was then and the kind of things I dealt with and went through with relationships this has never been an issue. Yes its in the past, but its also part of what shaped me to be who I am now and I think he understands that and asks sometimes to try and understand why I am how I am sometimes.
Post # 12
We tell each other absolutely everything that we want to know. I’m totally open about it, but certainly wouldn’t give more details than he wanted to hear. I feel pretty strongly that (for me, personally) many of the men I dated before Fiance helped me shape who I am – as a person and as a significant other/future wife. He feels the same. I felt a ton of curiousity about his past relationships and a mild sense of jealousy (to be expected) when hearing about them, which I don’t feel is unhealthy. Ultimately, I’m happy he had the experiences that he had…it has made him treat me like gold and appreciate me all the more, and vice versa.
Post # 13
Darling Husband knows everything. DH & I were good friends before we started dating. He witnessed the whole nasty divorce process between me and my ex-husband.
Post # 14
We’ve shared a moderate amount of information about our exes, mostly in the beginning of our relationship. We’ve told each other the necessary information and we don’t have secrets from each other. But we also leave the past in the past, so exes rarely come up in our conversations any more.
Post # 15
When I met my fiance, I was finally getting over a breakup of an on again off again 7 year relationship. In fact my girlfriends and I went out to celebrate the one year mark and I had enough drinks to get the courage to wink at him on match.com. Anyway, I came into the relationship with a lot of baggage from the ex and therefore my fiance and i had to work through it early on. Because of that, I would say that we had to talk a lot about those things in the early days so we could fully understand each other.
Post # 16
If he asks a question i answer it. Luckily he doesnt ask. He doesnt even know any of their names. We try to keep that in the past.