(Closed) SPINOFF: How often do you turn down your partner? (POLL)

posted 5 years ago in Intimacy
  • poll: How often do you turn your partner down?

    Almost never. I go for it even if I'm not really in the mood.

    Infrequently. Maybe once or twice a month I'm just not into it.

    Regularly. I decline at least once a week.

    Frequently. I'm not into it most of the time.

    I have the higher sex drive of the two of us!

    Almost Never. We have really well matched sex drives.

  • Post # 16
    438 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2017 - Bahamas

    View original reply
    mck1:  Yes! My answer is basically the same. 

    If I’m not in the mood, he can tell pretty quick. It’s honestly pretty rare in and of itself plus he can usually put me in the mood pretty quick.

    When we first starting dating, we had a few issues because my libido is much higher than his and I felt unattractive when he would turn me down or he wanted it too but couldn’t “rise to the occasion”. After some longer conversations, I realized that he felt like I was putting pressure on him inadvertantly and was getting anxious which conpounded things even more. Now we’re on the same page and rarely have issues. But I digress, that’s not what this thread is about. Long story short, I’m usually the one that gets turned down but even that’s rare. Maybe once every few months. 


    We have sex 3-5 times per week. 

    Post # 17
    728 posts
    Busy bee

    Im in the catagory of having the higher sex drive. In the beginning my ex “schooled” me as to what he wanted but as time went on, I became more of the agressor! Lol Sometimes I would get turned down but that wasnt often. Im into a lot and love being explorative so that helped not being turned down ao much. He was curious as to what tricks I had up my sleeve for that night! Lol

    Post # 18
    6 posts
    • Wedding: June 2016

    I have a similiar answer to mck1. 

    My guy and I feel out each others moods and understand each others body language enough to know when the other is in the mood or when they are sick, tired or stressed. For this reason, I can only think of a couple times in our relationship where I have turned him down and/or he has turned me down. 

    Post # 19
    3898 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 2017

    I have a higher sex drive so in our 3.5 year relationship I think I turned him  down like 3-5 times tops. I on the other hand get turned down about 20% of the time. It used to be more but I think we both adjusted lol. Still love him to bits though 🙂

    Post # 20
    54 posts
    Worker bee

    View original reply
    dearjohnbride:  I wish my SO would compromise with me! I definitely have the higher sex drive (would love to do it everyday), whereas my SO is perfectly happy with once a WEEK (if at all… and I usually need to initiate too)  Needless to say, I’ve been turned down pretty frequently in our 7.5 years together…

    We aren’t living together atm, altho I stay over at his place at least 3x/week. It does bother me, but I’ve pretty much accepted it at this point. He’s an amazing partner otherwise, just not very physically affectionate (turns down hugs, kisses, cuddling) Sigh. Hopefully the situation will change for the better once we live together again…

    Post # 21
    3242 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    Never. I have health problems so we can barely ever have sex so DH leaves it to me to initiate so I never feel pressured. It’s very sweet.

    Post # 22
    663 posts
    Busy bee

    It’s always worth it in the end even if I wasn’t in the mood to begin with. It may not always be pleasurable (98% of the time it really really is) but at least it makes us feel closer and happy together everytime. 

    Post # 23
    2662 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    I have the higher sex drive so I pretty much just wait for him to initiate. I used to initiate but being turned down is always a bit sad. He’s exhausted from work most of the time.

    Post # 24
    995 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2015 - City Hall!

    Never in our whole entire relationship have I ever said no. 

    Post # 25
    2115 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I’ve turned SO down once since we’ve been together, and I was unwell.

    We have sex pretty much every day however SO has a bad back and is currently having really bad allergies so sometimes he turns me down which is fine – we just snuggle instead!

    Post # 26
    18 posts
    • Wedding: October 2016

    I agree with you natassiakay. This will be my second marriage. I married my first husband 2 weeks before my 18th birthday because I was pregnant. We were married for 24 1/2 years. In the earlier years of our marriage, I wanted to say no a lot. We separated for many years, but once we were back together, we were more intimate. It got to the point where unless I was really feeling bad, I wouldn’t say no. Now in the end, we still wanted different things out of the rest of our lives so we ended things while we were still young enough to do something about it. My fiance was actually my very first boyfriend and we were each other’s firsts. The chemistry between us was like killer just as soon as we reconnected. But we not only have baggage from our previous relationships, we have our history from when we were kids. But no matter how much or often those insecurities try to sneak their way in and interfere with what we have now, we know when we look each other in the eyes and give each other that pleasure, that it’s the two of us now-no previous relationships, no previous broken hearted teenage me (teenage me would have been too embarrassed to let him look me in the eye when I climaxed lol).  It’s just us and we see it, we reconnect, and we feel this is the way it always should have been. Besides, we are in our 40’s every little bit of activity helps and it keeps us young. lol!  Besides, if you keep telling them no, eventually they will stop trying.

    • This reply was modified 4 years, 10 months ago by  tazztunes.
    Post # 27
    223 posts
    Helper bee

    I had to vote “regularly”, because otherwise I’d never be able to leave the house! For some reason, watching me get ready in the morning always gets him “excited”. 😂

    Post # 28
    52 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: June 2018

    I couldnt tell you the last time I rejected, it’s definitely the other way around in my relationship!

    Post # 29
    899 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2017

    Never ever. I’m always up for it. >:)

    Post # 30
    587 posts
    Busy bee

    I voted almost never, but after voting I saw there’s an option for “I have the higher sex drive”. Obviously, sometimes we’re just not feeling the same, we’re two people in the end. I actually do have the higher sex drive, but sometimes he initiates when I’m exhausted, so I’d really refuse and promise to do the deed in the morning. Thankfully, my boy is always ready to make me happy, even if he’s not up for sex. ^^

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