(Closed) Spinoff: I wanted a big, expensive ring and make no apologies for it either.

posted 9 years ago in Rings
Post # 63
Member
467 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@cerenatee:  I have been known to tell my husband “I’d have married you if you offered me a zip tie.” And I meant it.  But this has nothing to do with being desperate, it is all about how much we love each other.  To me, the Engagement Ring is pretty, it might even be symbolic, but it’s not what the engagement is about.

That said, since this is a thread about large rings, I was firmly in the camp of “I don’t want a big one.”  I didn’t care for the look of large stones on my hand.  DH ended up buying a ring that I think is perfect, but, it took MANY hints to convince him that 1ct or more was too much ring for me.

I don’t really care how big or small the stone is in your Engagement Ring.  It’s none of my business. The only time I have ever raised my eyebrows about someone wanting a very large expensive ring is when that desire is accompanied by an attitude of entitlement and the woman in question doesn’t seem to care that her dream ring is beyond her man’s means.

To all of you with the beatiful rings that catch the sunlight and reflect into my rear view mirror when you’re driving the car behind me – that sparkle catches my eye and makes me smile!  It’s nice to have a ring you love.  But it’s even nicer to be loved by someone so much that they want to give you a ring and spend their life with you… and that’s not dependant on stone size. 

So I won’t think of judging you, as long as you don’t judge me, ok?!  🙂

Post # 64
Member
220 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

Word.  I like diamonds, end of story.  My love for jewelry has NOTHING to do with my marriage.  I love my rings completely but when we can afford it, possibly for our 10th anniversary, I will totally upgrade to a bigger center stone if we can.  My husband knows I love diamonds, and we don’t place sentimentality on a piece of jewelry.  If you like small diamonds or different gemstones, rock it!  And if you like bigger diamonds, rock it!  

Post # 65
Member
307 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@UmbrellaMoon:  I’m the same way. I don’t care what anyone else wears, whether it’s big or small. But someone that wants a 2 carat doesn’t love her Fiance any less than someone who will take a bread tie. It boils down to standards and every woman has the right to decide that for herself. Maybe some women are materialistic. If their Fiance doesn’t mind, I definitely don’t mind. That’s who she is and she found someone that loves it. Maybe a woman that will accept a cheerio really is desperate. That’s fine with me too. Her Fiance must love it so good for both of them.

I think the problem comes in when women want to judge other’s relationship based on what their standards are. Then it gets offensive and terms like “materialistic” and “desperate” are thrown around. Let’s just assume real love is the foundation no matter what sparkle or non-sparkle a woman chooses.

Post # 66
Member
1953 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I think it’s important to love the ring you are expected to wear for life, so you most definitely should have some say.

I do however, disagree with the girls that actually say they would say no to the proposal or be pissed if he didn’t give them the exact ring they wanted. That is materialistic. If you love large diamonds, that’s your perogative, if you prefer smaller stones that’s still your perogative.

Being rude about him getting you what he can afford, or is willing to spend on a single piece of jewelry is not fair either though. Just as you ladies have a preference for what you wear, he may have a preference for what he is willing to spend. As long as there is room for compromise and you don’t make him feel like a turd for not getting your dream ring, then it’s all good.

Post # 67
Hostess
840 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Rings not only reflect the wearer but also the giver. It was a win win situation; I ended up with the ring I love which also reflects really well on DH. He is proud of the ring and feeling the sense that he can provide.

Post # 68
Member
7039 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I don’t know, I think if most people on earth knew how much time and effort people in the developed world spent obsessing over the social signalling aspects of their diamond engage ment rings, they’d be horrified. Every now and then I think of the hiking guide I had in borneo and how much my $50 tip meant to him….and then I think about conversations like this through his eyes. Can’t we get over it and do something more important with that energy?

Post # 69
Member
1249 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I didn’t ever want a diamond, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t want something BIG! My favorites were Le Vian and Tacori-and Fiance knew it. I love my 1.2k flashy e-ring!

Post # 70
Member
2515 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

amen sista!

I had a center stone size requirement of more than 1 carat and let DH decide the rest. That was completely reasonable for our financial situation. I was also upfront about my dream center stone weight being in the 3carat weight, which is not reasonable for us. So it is on my “things I want to have before I die” DH is perfectly fine with that and we both are working towards being in a financial situation where we can upgrade my ring to something larger. It makes my DH very proud that my ring gets a lot of attention. Heck, my DH pays more attention to other girls’ rings than I do! He likes to point out that mine is nicer than theirs every chance he gets. LOL

Post # 72
Hostess
7941 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

In my area 1 carat is pretty standard, I don’t see that as too big or over the top based on my experiences.

I wanted a larger ring, waited for a larger ring and got a larger ring.  I don’t think people should ever have to apologize or explain their personal choices that have no bearing whatsoever on other people.

 

Post # 73
Member
467 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@cerenatee:  But someone that wants a 2 carat doesn’t love her Fiance any less than someone who will take a bread tie. – This is a very true statement, and I hope that my previous post didn’t give the impression that I would disagree with it!

And of course, the other side of that coin is also true: The man who can only offer the bread tie doesn’t love his Fiance any less than the one who is able to make the dreams of a 2ct ring come true. – Not judging each other (in general!) can go a long way towards making the world a happier place.  I’m all for living in a happy place!

Post # 74
Member
175 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Hey to each their own. If that is what you wanted and your fiance was great with it then go for it. For me personally, I knew I wanted what looked like a big expensive ring but that I didn’t want to pay for a diamond. I had taken plenty of geology courses to know that diamonds were nothing special. So I had my fiance buy me a knock off ring that looked like a real diamond. I have been very pleased with it and everyone oow’s and aaw’s over my ring. Some fake rings are done very very well that even when I went to get it cleaned at a jeweler they didn’t believe me when I told them it was fake lol. I think your ring should reflect your taste. I am a clumsy person who has lost more than two real diamond rings lol . . . should I really spend money on expensive jewelry NO. But other women who value the diamond and are not as absent minded as I am should totally go for it!! We all have something that we are willing to spend a lot of money on that others may not. It is our individual taste and that is what makes us all unique =) 

Post # 75
Member
84 posts
Worker bee

People have their preferences, and people in this world for whom expensive jewelry is important and identity-defining will (hopefully) find like-minded partners who value things like that. And people like myself who find that all a bit silly will continue to find it all a bit silly, and partner up with people who, likewise, find it all a bit silly.

I’m somewhat confused about the point of a post like this, though I do find people’s responses interesting.   

The topic ‘Spinoff: I wanted a big, expensive ring and make no apologies for it either.’ is closed to new replies.

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