(Closed) Spinoff: I wanted a big, expensive ring and make no apologies for it either.

posted 9 years ago in Rings
Post # 92
Member
2191 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I’m not being materialistic, but if my fiancé couldn’t have afforded a decent ring, how can we afford to get married and live on our own? And I’m not saying he has to buy a $10k ring or if we agreed on something smaller because it wasn’t important to spend the money. But if he literally couldn’t afford more than $500 for an engagement ring, how can you afford to buy a house? Or have a wedding? Or afford a car and insurance, etc. I wouldn’t feel comfortable starting out in a marriage where we didn’t have money saved for a house, furniture, some “extra” money for a nice honeymoon, and so on. But that’s just me.

I don’t go out and buy frivolous things, but I wanted a nice ring and my fiancé wanted to give it to me. And we didn’t break the bank on it.

Post # 93
Member
2402 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

some people just need to be more understanding. 

before I found Weddingbee, I actually used to be in the camp of “why on earth would I ever want to get a new e-ring (or upgrade)?”  I simply didn’t know anybody who had done this.  After being on the Bee for a while, I have read many many threads on the subject. I quickly realized that there are many different reasons for wanting new rings, and it’s a perfectly fine thing to do.

I wish that some bees could learn from each other, rather than just being rude. 

Post # 94
Member
175 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@FoxyBride14:  Well I guess it depends on the person and their situation. My Fiance wanted to save for the ring because, no, we couldn’t afford it. However, I am not a NEW bride like a lot might be. I am divorced with two kids and am remarrying. My Fiance and I live together already. It is because of paying the car/insurance, paying for groceries, rent, utilities, kids, etc. that we could not afford something more expensive unless we saved up for it. So I think sometimes it isn’t the the man cannot provide it is that he is already providing.

Post # 95
Member
1958 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

To me, the cost of rings is all relative.  What is expensive to one person, is chump change to another.  That’s just how it is.  Different salaries, saving habits, good fortune, etc all determine how a ring can be purchased.  My best friend would go nuts if she knew the cost of my ring, but hey…DH had just gotten back from a deployment and could afford it. 

Everyone has their right to what kind of ring they want.  I’m not going to feel guilty about the price of my ring.  Considering the amount of money that some women will spend on designer shoes, handbags, and clothes in a lifetime, the cost of my ring is probably a drop in the bucket. lol

My sister’s ex spent $150 on her ring that he bought off of amazon.com and she was TICKED.  Not because of the price or where he got it, but b/c on the very same day, he spent $2k on a big screen TV because he thought the money would be better spent on something they could enjoy “together.” Hmm…who sounds materialtic now?  The guy that thought a TV would be a better investment than the woman he was supposed to spend forever w/?  Materialism goes both ways.

 

 

Post # 96
Member
29 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I wanted a 2ct tw three stone ring with a cushion center, I told my fiance I know what I want, I have the money (he is currently broke- economy arrg!) and I have no problem with buying it myself. So I got exactly what I wanted in moissanite (love it) and palladium. I told him he can take all the credit, but that I didn’t see a reason to not get exactly what I wanted, especially since I’ll be wearing it every day for the rest of my life. This way I get the ring of my dreams and it couldn’t have been easier for him. win/win- why not?

Post # 97
Member
375 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@MrsFuzzyFace:  I’m not saying I’m judging you, I just don’t understand the point. I would feel so rediculously sad if my Fiance bought me a ring that cost a lot, mostly because I don’t make much and while I know he would if I really wanted one I don’t want one, I’d rather take that money and do something else with it. But I do like that he would, and I do see those rings that make me just smile because they are so pretty, its just all I can see is the $$$ at the end of the day. 

I spend time with organizations for underprivilaged kids and everything just hits a certain place inside when I spend on things I don’t need when they don’t even have money for school books. Its nothing against you when all I do is nod and smile politly at your ring, I don’t see you as a bad person for wanting that, its just something I don’t get. 

But, with that all said, although I would have never picked the ring my Fiance bought, I LOVE it, because he picked it, even if it cost less than 100. 

 

Post # 98
Member
43 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I read that slightly irritating post OP was referring to and I’m going to also have to disagree with the whole “you should be happy he even got you a ring at all.”  Yes I am happy, but I also have standards.  I would not accept a “cheap” ring. I make my own money (more than FI), I am independent, I’m smart, I’m attractive, I’m funny, AND I am a damn good cook.  I know I am a certified catch. As is he. When it was time to look at rings, I told him, “don’t make it tiny…I want a nice ring.”  The word “nice” is relative, so it depends on your financial situation, but I am extremely pleased with the beautiful ring he got me. 

The cost didn’t break the bank for him, but it was def a substantial purchase, as it should be. I don’t know how much he spent on it, and honestly, it doesn’t keep me up at night either. If we, as women, are to bear their children, put our careers on hold, and raise a family, and put 100% into the relationship (I put 6 yrs into our relationship), aren’t we worth the best he can afford?  

 

 

Post # 100
Member
537 posts
Busy bee

@FoxyBride14: I guess, in my case, I shouldn’t have said that he couldn’t have afforded a big/expensive ring. He definitely could have. He still could, if I said I wanted an upgrade, and I’m sure he would. However, we had talked about things before getting engaged and had agreed that his/our money would be better off in a savings account for our future house, school, children, etc. He took that frame of mind, decided what he felt comfortable spending, and went for it. Honestly, I feel like he was smart about it, and it’s partially because of that that we ARE able to have money set aside for the future. 

Post # 101
Member
4913 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@cantonbride:  +1

I HATE that mentality.  I’m super proud of my man for saving up for so long to get me a ring I love and am proud to wear.  That’s why I’m marrying him.  He realizes the importance in investing in the woman the plans to spend the rest of his life with.  My heart fills with love and warmth every time I think about all he did to save for my ring and surprise me with the most romantic proposal ever.  It shows just how much he loves me and how much I mean to him because he recognizes the importance of the proposal to a girl/me.  I would NOT settle for a man who would give me anything less than the best.  I also wouldn’t give HIM anything less than the best.  That’s what we both deserve!

Post # 102
Member
537 posts
Busy bee

@emireeeeeeeeee: Are you saying that because I accepted a “cheap” ring I have low standards and low self-worth? Or that I’m not a “certified catch?” Or maybe it’s that he doesn’t think I’m worth a huge chunk of money that could be better spent elsewhere…

Post # 103
Member
106 posts
Blushing bee

@MrsFuzzyFace:  Wear that ring with pride and post a BIG photo of it once it is on your finger.

Post # 104
Member
802 posts
Busy bee

I don’t feel strongly either way but that’s because I’m not really a jewelry person, am really spacey for the most part (I find my remote controls in the freezer, walk into the shower with glasses on, etc. =) ), and have lived in really high-crime places so get scared to walk around with something big, and kind of like how delicate-looking some little rings can be. On the other hand, some bigger ones can be super pretty too, and magnificent in their own way. I think everyone is just different, and that’s okay; no one should have to apologize for what they like.

 

Post # 105
Member
84 posts
Worker bee

@emireeeeeeeeee:  “aren’t we worth the best he can afford?” There are other, non-material, ways to express gratitude for your partner and everything he/she does.

Oh, and I’m not raising anyone else’s child. I’m raising my and my partner’s child. (I’m aware that it’s an expression, but it’s an expression that needs to go out to pasture, so to speak…)

Post # 106
Member
522 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@cerenatee:  I’m glad I have one too! Sounds like we both do! 🙂

The topic ‘Spinoff: I wanted a big, expensive ring and make no apologies for it either.’ is closed to new replies.

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