(Closed) SPINOFF: I’d rather have a long engagement, he’d rather not.

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Just out of curiousity..How has being on WB affected your waiting process?
    It makes me feel much better about waiting - I know I can talk to bee who are in the same situation! : (16 votes)
    41 %
    It has made me even more anxious - I get reminded daily that other bees are getting engaged! : (11 votes)
    28 %
    I don't feel like I'm waiting/ Never felt this way/ Already engaged : (6 votes)
    15 %
    Other! : (5 votes)
    13 %
    Other! : (1 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 3
    2006 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    When I was waiting, the bee kind of fueled my waiting-bride-brain.  At first I would only let myself stalk the ring and waiting boards, but eventually found myself bookmarking venues and browsing dresses as well.  The funny part was, i’d tell him all of it!  I just can’t keep my mouth shut to that man.  He admitted it did put a lot of pressure on him, but mostly he thought it was kind of funny (we were waiting to get engaged based mostly on finances).  And I admit, I apparently sent him 6 different collages of rings that I made in paint (wow, thats embarassing to admit.  the more embarassing part is I had about 7 more on my laptop that i thought would be overkill to send to him lol)

    I’m not sure if I really answered your questions… but I think ultimately the bee helps.  It lets you know that you are not the only one going crazy waiting, that that is a pretty normal response to have when you get to the waiting part of your relationship.  And if you can keep your mouth shut, it helps you let out your bride-craze without upsetting your SO.:-)

    Post # 4
    684 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    @SecretBee23:  When my SO and I first started discussing marriage he told me that he doesn’t understand why some people would be engaged and then not actively plan a wedding (longer engagement).  So I know that he will only propose when he feels that it’s just about time to get married.  I’ve been waiting for about 2 years.  If I were to have gotten on the bee 2 years ago, I think it would’ve drived me insane.  I just recently joined a couple a months ago, but that’s because I know it’s coming a lot sooner than before.  And it has really helped me with venting and etc.    I’m not against longer engagements but for us it doesn’t seem like it would work.  Go ahead and send those ring pics to him!

    Post # 5
    925 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I can completely understand how it would be hard to disagree on whether to have a short or long engagement. I was in your camp–I was totally ok with a long engagement, I just wanted that commitment from him. He had his own plans–he didn’t want to get engaged until he knew we would have a place to live, and from there everything would kind of go in fast forward–engagement, house, wedding, etc.

    I didn’t want to do everything at once, and I had been ready for an engagement for a while. I remember having that conversation with him and he asked if I agreed that it made sense to wait until we knew where we would live. I said that it made sense but I still would rather have the ring first and figure out the living situation during the longer engagement. Well, ultimately it was in his hands and it ended up happening his way. At this point I’m just happy that it happened and we are now happily married, but waiting for it all to happen sucked.

    I think that the waiting boards both helped and hurt me. They helped because it gave me a place to vent when I couldn’t do it to anyone else, but they hurt because it fueled my desire to plan sooner and every time I saw a bee get engaged I still got jealous (yet happy for her). So yeah, it can go both ways.

    Post # 6
    1723 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    Actually, my Fiance is the one who wants to have a longer engagement while I dont. Since were long distance- I hate being so far from him — but  hes so busy trying to get his finances together in time for the wedding. we ended up switching the dates a couple of time, and I made it clear that I dont want it postponed any longer then June. We definetly talked about it many times till he finally talked to my dad and they sort of set a month for the wedding.

    Post # 7
    288 posts
    Helper bee

    SO and I are young (20) and although we have been together for 4+ years, we know we won’t get married for another 2 years or so due to finances and finishing school and such. He’s saving for a ring now, but to answer your poll, I said other. I would much rather have a long engagement and stare at my ring all day than have a long wait, but unfortunately, I’ll have a long wait (over a year) since we first looked at rings as well as a year and a half engagement. We are fine with this because we’d rather be financially stable and start out strong, but that doesn’t make the waiting any easier. We’re both “old souls” and we’ve known we’ll be together since the start. That’s the tough part about finding love at a young age I guess. So we are on the same page as far as “timelines” for things because we know it’s what we need to do. I’m glad you and your SO talked it out, that’s what counts! And I’m glad you’re feeling better with the situation. Just know he’s looking into the best for your future! Smile Happy waiting!

    Post # 9
    4130 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2018

    Sometimes it makes me less patient.  But most of the time it’s a really good place where I can be constructive in the waiting process.  Rather than just waiting and waiting…

    Post # 10
    573 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I voted other.

    I found the bee while helping a friend plan a wedding and became hooked because I liked looking at the planning process, decorations, cakes… I had never thought about marriage for myself before finding the bee, I have told my Mom a few times that I don’t see myself ever getting married. I have also been told numerous times I’m “not the marrying type” whatever that means.

    Since I found the bee I started thinking about marriage for the first time in my life and I can see myself getting married to my SO. So I guess my real response is that it doesn’t make me impatient or more patient, it makes me look at everything differently.

    Post # 12
    10453 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2014

    I’m kind of torn between the first two options… Reading the boards gives me an outlet when I feel engagement crazy, however I do get jealous!

    Post # 13
    1714 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2016

    It makes me happy being here actually. I AM waiting, but I’m not really stressed or worried or panicky about it etc, for a number of reasons:

    1) I have a gorgeous promise ring he gave me, which we think of as a pre-engagement ring. I love it and I’m so happy he got it for me! And I get so many compliments on it!

    2) We have been ring shopping and he has bought the ring! I know what it is because I was the one who found it. I didn’t care about the materials it was in (CZ and rhodium/platinum plated silver), I cared about finding something I LOVED that was in our budget. He hated knowing it was made from those things, but I love it and that’s what mattered to him. πŸ™‚

    3) I’m somewhat fairly certain it will be next summer because I won’t be able to go over in the summer of 2013 (interviews for jobs/end of my university degree) or the summer of 2014 (If I decide to do a Master’s, I will have a dissertation to write and therefore won’t be able to go over). And I plan on going over sometime early 2015 and getting married then! 

    4) I picked the ring, and I’m content. He sends me photos of it every now and again, because he knows I love looking at it. I’ve told him the kind of proposal I like/don’t like but I’m leaving the whole thing totally up to him. He knows what I like, now it’s just the waiting game. 

    The only thing I AM worried about is breaking the news to my parents, because they won’t exactly be thrilled… But I’ll cross that bridge when it comes. I’m just happy my sweetie wants to marry me and make me his wife, and I’m so happy with being with him. We are long distance (he lives in America, I’m in England) so things are fairly ‘unstable’ with regards to the future (i.e. I don’t know if I’ll do a Master’s or work for 1-2 years). I wish I could spend time with him in person more often and just do normal ‘coupley’ things, but the distance is more than worth it for him. And if we can make it through this, we can do anything! We are having a long engagement, but it’s more due to our circumstances. And I’m totally ok with that, as is he. I’d rather save up money for a nice wedding, and for visa fees etc. than jump into a shotgun wedding. And I know he’s the same way too πŸ™‚

    Post # 14
    150 posts
    Blushing bee

    it’s a combination of making me feel better and also more anxious. if i have a problem i know i can count on the bees, but i visit the site waaaaaaay more than i should and so consequently i get reminded that people are getting engaged everyu day/ it keeps it on my mind

    The topic ‘SPINOFF: I’d rather have a long engagement, he’d rather not.’ is closed to new replies.

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