(Closed) Spinoff: If you had married at 20 years old…

posted 8 years ago in 30 Something
  • poll: If you got married in your teens or early twenties...

    I'd be divorced

    I'd be happily married still

    Life would be better

    Life would be worse

    I'd be UNhappily married still

  • Post # 47
    Member
    9024 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    When i was 20 I had just met my husband, but I wasnt ready for marriage, I really cant imagine how my life would be now if had gotten married then

    Post # 48
    Member
    5295 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 1993

    Well, I would have married my husband. But we would have been heading into the first of several LDR stints as we started our junior year of college. That means I wouldn’t have lived with my BFF senior year, and missed out on a lot of fun experiences. We probably would have been even more strapped financially. I think we would still be married, but those couple years would not have been easy. Nor could we have in any way been able to afford the wedding we had!

    I’m glad we waited a few more years:)

    Post # 49
    Member
    304 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2022

    im 25 and at 20 i was still dating my fiance, so probably still engaged:)

    Post # 50
    Member
    689 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    Good poll.

    I did get married at 20. Four days after my 20th birthday to be exact. It was a terrible idea. It ended in a messy divorce two years later and should have ended 6 months after we got married. 

    We thought we were different, too. Turns out we weren’t so different after all.

    Post # 51
    Member
    501 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I would not have an education or a career. I would also probably be dead. No joke.

    Post # 52
    Member
    1697 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    Divorced. The red flags came out quick though. He never wanted to see our baby (would telle to leave him at my parents so WE could hang out) he insisted I drop out of college to marry him and live in a trailer. He was constantly cheating and he got married a couple of weeks after I ended it. I wanted to marry him SO much when I was young and now I can see how dependent I was, needy, insecure etc. I am amicable with him because we have a child together (whom he never asks to see though he lives about 10 min from us) but once my son hits 18-22 age range I am going to pretend that man never existed. He will exist only as a a cautionary tale to girls. Lol! 

    Post # 53
    Member
    720 posts
    Busy bee

    The guy I was dating at 19-20 was a 25 year old loser who went through 5000 different career “dreams” (actor, composer etc etc) every month or so.  I was head over heels crazy about him because he was handsome and charismatic, but deep down a small voice kept telling me this was NOT the kind of guy I needed (lazy, unmotivated, cheater, and kind of stupid, despite the fact that he kept insisting he was brilliant).  He didn’t want to get married, ever, he just wanted to have a girlfriend to take care of him and wash his smelly socks.  I’m not sure how long I would have stayed with him if he hadn’t broken up with me, but he definately wouldn’t have ever married me and I definately would be miserable.  

     Now I’m with a wonderful guy who I love and who loves me back and who wants the same things in life I do and he’s busy being a actor/songwriter/entrepenur/whatever  cheating on his newest squeeze.  Heeheehee.

    Post # 54
    Member
    314 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    i am twenty five but i have nightmares about marrying the guy i dated when i was twenty lol…

    we dated for nearly four years. a little after i was eighteen to twnety two. he fought all the time. he was immature, and still lives in the same crappy basement apt, still has the same crappy job. entry level positions sometimes pay more than this…. i was miserable all the time. it took me a long time to break it off, but i am so much happier that i did. i married the man of my dreams Smile

     

    sorry for bad formatting…phone doesnt get along with the site.

    Post # 55
    Member
    2695 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    My Fiance and I were just talking about this.

    He nearly proposed for the first time when he was 18. (Nearly, because he said that he wanted to propose soon.)

    But honestly, if we had married then, I am not sure we would still be together. Not because we were not right for eachother, but it just would have been really, really difficult at the time. Planning a wedding is STRESSFUL and combined with what we were doing at the time–getting through an emotional crisis, transferring to other schools, and later adjusting to living together, etc—I’m not sure if we could have handled all of that at once at that age.

    I am so, so glad we waited until we were better equipped emotionally to handle all the stress that comes along with wedding planning. Its still stressful, but it doesn’t feel like a gamble now, at 26.

    ETA: I didn’t vote, because it felt like a gamble then and I really can’t guess now how it would have turned out.

    Post # 56
    Member
    1542 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I started dating my Fiance when I was 20 and i’ll be 24 next month. If we would have gotten married right away our lives would be really different and i would have gotten all the wedding excitement i missed out on but considering we are still together and planning our wedding – yea i’d still be married.

    Post # 57
    Member
    6995 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2011

    Miserable, pretending to be somone i’m not in a very unhappy relationship! Thank god he broke up with me when I couldn’t bring myself to do it! i met my husband a month later.

     

    Post # 58
    Member
    326 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I’d either be divorced or unhappily married.  I was in a long term relationship from the time I was 15 years old…. and he wanted to get married – we were 21.  He did.  I didn’t.  We broke up shortly after that for good.  He still hasn’t spoken to me since – says I ruined his life, etc.  He is, however, married now with a child…. and I’m getting married next month.  I always knew deep down that he wasn’t the one…. but when you’re young, you don’t think like that, and so we were together for 6 years.  Only recently, my dad brought him up, saying that he never wanted to say anything before and that he truly loved him as a son, but that he knew he wasn’t the right one for me.

    I just wanted to add…. had I also been married at 20 or in my early 20s, our wedding would have been completely different.  We would have had an entourage of people in our wedding party, a million friends at the wedding – most of which I don’t even keep in touch with anymore….. our wedding now will be much more intimate and special – around 75 people, which is perfect for us…. these are the people I truly value in my life, rather than friends from high school and college that you inevitably lose touch with as live goes on. 

    Post # 59
    Member
    2104 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I’d be probably unhappily married to a chauvinist, verbally abusive creeper.  *shudders*  I met DH shortly after I broke up with that jerk at 20, started dating at 23, and married him at 25.

    Post # 61
    Member
    1820 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I was head-over-heels in love with my college boyfriend, who I dated from 20-22.  I was sure that we would get married, and was devastated when I realized that I would never accomplish my life’s dreams if I stayed with him.  After a few months of therapy to decide how I wanted to live my life, I left him.  He taught me a lot and we had a great 2+ years together, but I am 100% sure we would be unhappily married (but likely not divorced – too much stubborness and Catholicism thrown in there) now. 

    Interestingly enough, I met my husband just a few months after I broke up with my college boyfriend and moved across the country to get a fresh start – we started dating just before I turned 23, but we didn’t get married until I was 29.  I definitely made the right choice this time.  :o)

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