(Closed) SPINOFF – If you had to choose between your SO and having children

posted 7 years ago in Family
  • poll: Hypothetical - Keeping your SO or having children

    I would keep my SO and forfeit having any children

    Children are important to me

  • Post # 62
    Member
    178 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    We discussed kids very early in our relationship, and then neither one wanted them. Few years later, DH (then BF) changed his mind. Then I had to decide which one I wanted more, life with DH and kids or life without kids and without him. I chose the former and actively tried to think more positively about kids. It worked, and now I can’t wait to start TTC. If it were the other way round, I would still probably choose DH. I am fairly certain that I can live happily with or without kids, which I guess is rather rare since the issue seems to be a dealbreaker for most people.

    I have to say though, that I am kinda hurt that DH would choose kids that he has never met and don’t even exist yet over me.

    Post # 63
    Member
    4160 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I wouldn’t have married my husband if he didn’t want children.  Now that we are having trouble conceiving, he is the only thing getting me through this.  If it turned out there was absolutely no way to get pregnant, we have always talked about adopting, even if we could have a biological child.  Children are just way too important to us, but I wouldn’t give up my husband just to have kids.

    This topic couldn’t have come at a better time.  I’ve been feeling really upset today so it’s nice to have this perspective come in right now.

    Thank you @FromA2B2013:  for bringing it up!

    Post # 64
    Member
    3245 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    I would definitely rather have my SO in my life and not have children, than the other way around. I am not super confident that I really want kids, anyway. . . I think I do, but I think I would also be happy without them.

    Post # 65
    Member
    3170 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    We have been TTC for 26 cycles now and I would still choose my husband. I married him because I love him and not because he is a sperm machine. I want kids more than you can imagine but they don’t make my life. I am happy regardless because I have the man of my dreams.

    It also depends on why we couldn’t have kids. If it were becaues we physically couldn’t then of course I would stay with him. If it was because he just changed his mind and didn’t want kids, that may be different. Only because his attitude would have changed then.

    Post # 66
    Member
    5285 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I’m not sure I even want kids although I do love them. I would choose my husband anyday over kids..he is my best friend and I could live my life forever with just me and him 🙂

    Post # 67
    Member
    130 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    One of the reasons I married my husband is because I expect him to be a good father. I was thrilled to find someone as excited about eventually having children as I am. Marriage was part of creating a family, which includes children. If he suddenly changed his mind about ever wanting children, it’d probably be a deal breaker, as that’s what a significant part of our relationship has been built on and preparing for.

    If I were to find out he is unable to have children (different than not wanting them), we would undergo whatever treatment necessary or adopt.

    Post # 69
    Member
    893 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    @FromA2B2013: This is the sort of question you ask your partner before getting Married.

    And I would never have dated a guy who didnt want children.

    My husband and I want children how many….we have told each other one at the time….

    For me this would be a deal breaker. However lets say my husband and I were unable to bear children and adopt. Then I would accept it as God s will….and I would spend the rest of my days happily with him.

    If my husband wouldnt have wanted to have children I wouldnt have married him because that is not the life I want. I totally respect people that dont want children. I am not one of them.

    Post # 70
    Member
    893 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    View original reply
    @Ryansgirl:  Stay strong! And relax!!! It will happen 

    View original reply
    @Birdee106:  I agree with you fully. I think that is what I was trying to say to the OP. Best wishes for your journey.

    Post # 71
    Member
    1192 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I would absolutely stay with my Fiance and forfeit having children, but that doesn’t mean that children aren’t important to me like your poll suggests. He’s just that much more of a priority for me.

     

    Post # 72
    Member
    11736 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Love my DH but if he didn’t want kids, I’d have to move on. That being said, we never would have gone on a 2nd date (since I ask that question on date 1) had he said he didn’t want or wasn’t sure if he wanted kids.

    If he changed his mind now about having kids, it would be hard but I’d probably still leave.  It’s a non-negotiable for me.  Thankfully I know this will never happen since he’s wanted to have a kid since like 10 years ago!

    Post # 73
    Member
    1161 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @FromA2B2013:  I would choose Fiance over being able to have children. Of course I do want to have kids in the future, but I see he and I as a whole and solid family unit already, and anything else is just an addition.

    Post # 74
    Member
    2966 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I’d pick my FH over kids any day.

    I don’t see the point of having kids other than “it’s what you’re supposed to do” so that makes it even easier. 

    Post # 75
    Member
    904 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    Fiance and I talked about having kids early on in our relationship. If he had said he didn’t want children, I probably wouldn’t have persued the relationship. That being said, I would never leave him if we couldn’t have kids; kids are never a guarantee.

    Post # 76
    Member
    2515 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    i would choose my DH over having a child. as much as i want a kid, i wouldn’t want a kid without my DH.

    The topic ‘SPINOFF – If you had to choose between your SO and having children’ is closed to new replies.

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