- 8 years ago
- Wedding: April 2014
Your self reflection and not living with your head in the clouds indicates maturity, OP :).
ETA: I frequently get concerned with a lot of the younger bees posting, because their tone comes across as knowing everything, and kind of living in a fantasyland (often pointing to educational or financial accomplishments as signs of maturity, and comparing how “mature” they are to all of their “immature” peers). The reality is that at 18-22ish people often believe they are more mature and the exception, and they aren’t, and believe they are a whole lot more understanding of life’s challenges than they are. They can also be terribly defensive. Your posts indicate someone who has a bit more maturity, and therefore I (as a stranger on the internet 😉 ) don’t feel the same degree of concern.
All the best for your marriage. I trust it will be a long and prosperous one 🙂
Initially, I think all we both cared about was being together but after a while as I got older and started thinking about having kids, other things like security and stability became very important.
The point I was trying to make was that my Fiance and I are more than capable of taking on life together, which is one of the many concerns people voice about young marriages, and that we are building a better life than we came from – we are not doomed or settling for mediocrity, like so many people want to believe all young couples are.
I’m not divorced (just got married about 4 months ago), but I just want to put my two cents in. I’m one of the youngest bees on this site and I’m normally afraid to post much of anything because bees who marry young get attacked with a wave of “no, don’t do it, you’re doomed” posts. I see the statistics, and my DH and I went into this marriage with the attitude that we want to prove the statistics wrong. Everybody does…no one would get married if they went into it thinking it was only temporary and it would surely end in a messy divorce.
Before DH and I got married, many people were skeptical that we could handle life on our own, and I can definitely see why. But, the point is, we’re handling it. Better than ok. We’re handling it great. We may not have the best of everything, but at least we have it. Our $490 a month apartment is better than a cardboard box, that’s for sure. We’re also managing to pay off my college WITHOUT student loans (yay!) and we have everything we need, plus some that we want. Our lifestyle may not be extravagant, but we’re doing this together and that’s what matters.
I’m not here to be rude, to brag, or to tick anybody off. I just want other younger bees to know that there is hope and young marriage =/= death sentence. I’m sorry to those who have had to go through a divorce. At least through that you learned what you did not want out of a relationship and you learned a lot about yourself. Hugs to you all.
I wasn’t married in my early 20s. I was in 2 serious relationships in my 20s.
I try never to tell anyone they’re ‘too young’ to do anything. Age doesn’t always mean maturity.
The bottom line? You change a lot in your 20s, usually for the better. You grow, you learn who you are, what you stand for, what your strengths, interests and passions are, and what you want out of life. I thought I had it all figured out at 21, too. I had an awesome plan on how my life would go. The jobs I would get, the money I would earn, the house and children I’d have. And then I was involved in a catastrophic accident and my life was thrown upside down.
I’m so far from that ‘plan’ that my 18 – 21 year old self wouldn’t know where to look to find me. But this life, the one I didn’t plan on, is sooooo much better than I could have ever thought up back then. Seriously. The things I’ve done, the places I’ve travelled, the experiences I’ve had… not at all something I thought I’d ever do.
I’ve changed a lot, beliefs, attitude, goals, aspirations, dreams. I’m so much more aware of who I am and what I’m capable of doing. And some of those goals, dreams and aspirations are still the same, the timeline is completely different though.
If you’d have told me any of this before the accident, I would have laughed and said “but everyone always says I’m so mature for my age” and I was. It didn’t matter.
My hope for those who get married in their early 20s is that they learn to change with their partner and not away from them. That they manage to guide their relationship through the inevitable changes that come through young adulthood. And that they accept that their partner will not remain the same person they met at 18, 19, 20 (and that’s a good thing!) I also hope they realize that if they don’t hit every milestone on their plan on their timeline (or at all) that is totally ok. That’s the life they’re living and I hope they’re able to be float and ride the wave.
I wonder what my 30s have in store for me. Considering how much I changed through my 20s. I wonder if it slows down or if it continues on. How will I change in the next decade – well, I’ll be a mother eventually for one thing. How much is THAT going to change me? And what will becoming a father do to my partner? How are we going to manage growing and changing together. We both recognize how different we were from our teens to early 20s, but what strategies are we going to use to keep our relationship strong? Where will the next 10 years take us?
I have learned to throw life plans out the window. I have goals, things I want to achieve, but I’ve learned there’s usually multiple paths to get to those goals and if one shuts down or there’s a roadblock, I just have to find another path.
Im 25 and not yet married.. HOWEVER…
My Nan (mums mum) married 1962 at age 18 … still happily married today (3xdaughters, 11grandkids and 4xgreatgrandkids)
My grandma (dads mum) married 1960 at age 19 .. still happily married today (8x children, 19grandkid and 10xgreatgrandkids)
My mum and dad married 1983 at age 18 and 20 … celebrated their 30th wedding anniversary last week (4xkids and 4grandkids)
My older sister married 2004 at age 18. Still happily married (3xchildren)
My younger sister married 2011 at age 21 and gave birth to her first child this week!!
I asked both my grand mothers what has made their marriages last all these years and they BOTH said
“Never give up when times are tough!!”
I hope to live by this when I get married
I think every relationship is different and relationships end for many different reasons.. I hope to live by my
Please note I didn’t talk about that at all ….. I am in no way saying marrying young is the only good route to take and I didn’t mean pass judgment on people who are waiting for marriage at all. All I said was that compared to my friends, I have my shit together, and that’s an assessment I made not based on my impending marital status (OR THEIRS) but by my overall stage in life. They’re not wrong for being at the stage they are at, by ANY means, but it’s one reason why I’m confident about getting married young is because I’m NOT at the stage they’re at.
My whole thing is that “just too young” isn’t really a valid reason for a marriage failing. There are SO many other factors at play, and so I was trying to express to the OP that if you have X, Y, and Z checked off the list, and you just haven’t blown out 25 candles yet, your marriage isn’t doomed. Clearly I did not express it well enough holy wow.
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