(Closed) Spinoff: If your SO was protective of his passwords, would it bug you?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
5075 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

I wouldn’t care.  FI’s been on his own doing his own thing for 40 years.  Why should he have to share his passwords with me?

I trust him completely.

Post # 4
Member
1029 posts
Bumble bee

Mine is protective of his. I don’t know his iPhone password, or the password to his laptop. He doesn’t know mine either. I’m actually ok with it.

Post # 5
Member
8281 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I wouldn’t care if he wanted to keep his bank password (or simlar) private until after marriage, but FB or his phone would bother me yes. Been there, done that, should have trusted my gut, etc.

Post # 6
Member
1132 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

We don’t tell each other our passwords but we share my computer (he gave his to his dad) so our stuff is always open and we have easy access to each other’s accounts if we wanted it. I wouldn’t necessarily give him a list of all my passwords, and until we were engaged, I would not have given him passwords to things like email and bank account information. Even now I would probably type it in for him to see something specific. I mean, it’s not that I don’t trust him, but he just doesn’t need to have access to those things. However, we look at each other’s bank accounts all the time if we have questions (do you remember that we went to this place and spent x amount of dollars?) or whatever.

Talk it out with him and just say it seems weird that he seems afraid of you seeing anything… you don’t want his passwords, but he seems a bit skittish and you just want to make sure he’s not afraid of you snooping. You should only be concerned if he seems like he has something to hide, otherwise he has no obligation to share that with you.

Post # 7
Member
7312 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

Mr. LK is a computer guy. Computer security is part of his job and it definitely translates to his behaviors here at home. It would be weird if he wasn’t very protective of his passwords. It’s just the nature of his training and who he is. So no, I am not bothered by it at all.  

Post # 8
Member
5547 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2011

If there is nothing to hide, there is no reason to not share them. It would be odd to me if someone I married didn’t trust me enough to let me know his passwords for stuff. Luckily Darling Husband and I share and it works for us.

Post # 10
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think it’s better to ask yourself why you feel you need these passwords. If you’ve got no intention of snooping, then why is it even an issue?

My fiance had his own life for many years before he even met me, and his online accounts are a big part of that life. We’re not joined at the brain now that we’re getting married, and it’s important to me that we each be allowed our own identities, and our own sense of privacy.  I can absolutely see why either partner in a relationship would be reluctant to turn these over. It doesn’t mean he’s hiding anything to not want to give those passwords over, but when you ask for them, it does imply that you don’t trust him.

Post # 11
Hostess
16215 posts
Honey Beekeeper

I personally would think it was weird and would want to be on the same page with what information we share and why. That way you can at least set expectations for this kind of thing in the future.

Post # 12
Member
687 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

@lovekiss:  Oh, both me and Fiance are IT people working in the business, so those behaviours are def. brought home and both him and I are very protective over our passwords etc. I am not bothered by it at all either, and he is the same.

 

 

Post # 13
Member
1359 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I think different people have different ideas regarding privacy, money, etc. There are multiple acceptable ways to do things and it’s just important that you find someone you are compatible with in those areas.

But for me, in my relationship, yes I would be uncomfortable with it. Not because I want to snoop or don’t trust my wife, but I would just not like the feeling that something is actively being hidden from me. We know each others’ passwords and will commonly ask the other to go into our email to look for this or that. That is the kind of relationship I prefer.

Post # 15
Member
536 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

this is how the privacy thing went down in my realtionship.  at the beginning, SO was very protective of his passwords, his home, his privacy in every which way.  he was offended whenever i overstepped my bounds, but the hard part was….the more he kept from me, the more it bugged me and wanted to pry open every little crevace to see what he was hiding.  3 years later, moving in, and sharing our lives together…we share all passwords and we NEVER lock our phones. keeping things like that from each other gives a sense of mistrust and decepptiona dns icne neither of us have anything to hide, there’s no need for it.  and for me, since hes so open with it, i no longer feel an overwhelming obsession to check his phone/email/facebook etc.

 

Post # 16
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

My fiance and I are both in IT and we will each even “lock” our workstations when walking away from them, even if I’m just running to the restroom for a minute. It doesn’t mean I don’t trust him to not get all hacky on my computer. It just means that is MY computer, used for MY job, and it’s best to set that boundary from the start. It also means if he doesn’t know my passwords– or I don’t know his– then there is no temptation to snoop. In many cases, the snooper eventually gets caught and while they did not find out anything harmful in their snooping sessions, the damage to the relationship is done either way, and sometimes impossible to repair.

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