Post # 1
I mentioned in the thread below that my SO is secretive about his passwords. He was hesitant about giving me his netflix password and when he finally did, he changed his facebook password (since they were the same). This is really concerning to me.
Not because I think he’d hiding anything (he’ll leave his fb up or logged in on his computer, which I use often) but because I don’t think he trusts me not to snoop. And I have no desire to snoop. I’m incredibly against it.
I just think this should be something you’re open about in a relationship. I mean .. this is the man I plan on marrying. Why should he be so concenred with whether I know his passwords or not?
Post # 3
I wouldn’t care. FI’s been on his own doing his own thing for 40 years. Why should he have to share his passwords with me?
I trust him completely.
Post # 4
Mine is protective of his. I don’t know his iPhone password, or the password to his laptop. He doesn’t know mine either. I’m actually ok with it.
Post # 5
I wouldn’t care if he wanted to keep his bank password (or simlar) private until after marriage, but FB or his phone would bother me yes. Been there, done that, should have trusted my gut, etc.
Post # 6
We don’t tell each other our passwords but we share my computer (he gave his to his dad) so our stuff is always open and we have easy access to each other’s accounts if we wanted it. I wouldn’t necessarily give him a list of all my passwords, and until we were engaged, I would not have given him passwords to things like email and bank account information. Even now I would probably type it in for him to see something specific. I mean, it’s not that I don’t trust him, but he just doesn’t need to have access to those things. However, we look at each other’s bank accounts all the time if we have questions (do you remember that we went to this place and spent x amount of dollars?) or whatever.
Talk it out with him and just say it seems weird that he seems afraid of you seeing anything… you don’t want his passwords, but he seems a bit skittish and you just want to make sure he’s not afraid of you snooping. You should only be concerned if he seems like he has something to hide, otherwise he has no obligation to share that with you.
Post # 7
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
Mr. LK is a computer guy. Computer security is part of his job and it definitely translates to his behaviors here at home. It would be weird if he wasn’t very protective of his passwords. It’s just the nature of his training and who he is. So no, I am not bothered by it at all.
Post # 8
If there is nothing to hide, there is no reason to not share them. It would be odd to me if someone I married didn’t trust me enough to let me know his passwords for stuff. Luckily Darling Husband and I share and it works for us.
Post # 9
@CaliHoya: I have asked him why he’s that way about passwords and why it seems he doesn’t trust me. He denied both.
And I know he doesn’t have an obligation to ..and I in no way plan to ask him to share that information ..I would just like to know the reasoning behind it.
Post # 10
I think it’s better to ask yourself why you feel you need these passwords. If you’ve got no intention of snooping, then why is it even an issue?
My fiance had his own life for many years before he even met me, and his online accounts are a big part of that life. We’re not joined at the brain now that we’re getting married, and it’s important to me that we each be allowed our own identities, and our own sense of privacy. I can absolutely see why either partner in a relationship would be reluctant to turn these over. It doesn’t mean he’s hiding anything to not want to give those passwords over, but when you ask for them, it does imply that you don’t trust him.
Post # 11
I personally would think it was weird and would want to be on the same page with what information we share and why. That way you can at least set expectations for this kind of thing in the future.
Post # 12
@lovekiss: Oh, both me and Fiance are IT people working in the business, so those behaviours are def. brought home and both him and I are very protective over our passwords etc. I am not bothered by it at all either, and he is the same.
Post # 13
I think different people have different ideas regarding privacy, money, etc. There are multiple acceptable ways to do things and it’s just important that you find someone you are compatible with in those areas.
But for me, in my relationship, yes I would be uncomfortable with it. Not because I want to snoop or don’t trust my wife, but I would just not like the feeling that something is actively being hidden from me. We know each others’ passwords and will commonly ask the other to go into our email to look for this or that. That is the kind of relationship I prefer.
Post # 14
@chasesgirl: We are still only dating and have been together 15 or 16 months. Maybe he wouldn’t be as private about that stuff if we progressed to the next level. I have no idea.
Post # 15
this is how the privacy thing went down in my realtionship. at the beginning, SO was very protective of his passwords, his home, his privacy in every which way. he was offended whenever i overstepped my bounds, but the hard part was….the more he kept from me, the more it bugged me and wanted to pry open every little crevace to see what he was hiding. 3 years later, moving in, and sharing our lives together…we share all passwords and we NEVER lock our phones. keeping things like that from each other gives a sense of mistrust and decepptiona dns icne neither of us have anything to hide, there’s no need for it. and for me, since hes so open with it, i no longer feel an overwhelming obsession to check his phone/email/facebook etc.
Post # 16
My fiance and I are both in IT and we will each even “lock” our workstations when walking away from them, even if I’m just running to the restroom for a minute. It doesn’t mean I don’t trust him to not get all hacky on my computer. It just means that is MY computer, used for MY job, and it’s best to set that boundary from the start. It also means if he doesn’t know my passwords– or I don’t know his– then there is no temptation to snoop. In many cases, the snooper eventually gets caught and while they did not find out anything harmful in their snooping sessions, the damage to the relationship is done either way, and sometimes impossible to repair.