(Closed) SPINOFF: Intercultural brides, will you be changing your name?

posted 7 years ago in Intercultural
Post # 76
Member
1317 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Im Nigerian with an Italian/Portugese last name thats very easy to pronounce and he’s American with an Irish last name thats also easy to pronounce. I truly love my last name but he really wants me to take his last name so im thinking about it. Not sure yet. lol. 

Definitely dont want to Hyphenate or make my last name my middle name :-/

Post # 77
Member
157 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

Funny this is still going. I am not taking my SO’s last name, it would sound either stupid or hilarious (as everyone we know has indicated by the laughter that follows saying the potential name). We aren’t worrying about it until we have kids. Thinking of hyphenating, our surnames are both five letters long. 

Post # 78
Member
2075 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - British Columbia

I have successfully managed to confuse my coworkers; I’ve been with the company for 5 years. 

I didn’t hyphenate. In my mind, I still don’t see myself as First Name Married Name. It still takes me a while before I sign a cheque or an official document.

Post # 79
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I haven’t gotten around to changing my name yet, but I’m planning to eventually add his Chinese last name, and still use my very unusual hyphenated Spanish last name as a middle name. I might also choose to still use my maiden name in the professional setting to maintain consistency. For years I’d looked forward to dropping my 11 letter tongue twister of a last name that is ALWAYS misspelled and mispronounced, in favor of his common 3 letter name, but ultimately I couldn’t do it! I love my unique name, typos and all. 

Post # 80
Member
1988 posts
Buzzing bee

HonoraryNerd:  FH is German. I am Puerto Rican. The women in his culture change names. We don’t. I won’t change my name. Culturally, we don’t change names. We had a conversation about it because it will be odd when we are here in Germany a couple of months every year. But if it might feel odd to him to not blend in because I don’t have his name, it is even more awkward for me to give up my family name and take on another name. 

The way it works culturally for us is we never stop (with our legal name) being our father and mother daughters to belong and blend with another family. We carry the name that was given to us at birth, with both our parents last names until the day we die. Our kids go on to have their dad’s last name and our first last name (we always have two) . A little confusing to people who just use one last name lol.

fun fact : when we are in Puerto Rico FH has many cultural moments of shock. Just as I do when we are in Germany. One time we went to the doctor and the secretary asks what’s his second last name. So I ask him. And he looks completely puzzled. I look even more confused as I didn’t know up until that point they use just one name. And he was like what do you mean? That’s all I have! I turned to the lady and say he doesn’t have a second last name. She looked even more puzzled! LOL . I had to say he is not from here and in his country they use only last name. She waa like “ok” but she looked so confused haha.

Then it was my turn to explain to FH why she was asking for another last name and how it works For us. It was a conversation of at least 30 minutes until he could understand how our kids will be called! It was a really funny moment.

and then last summer explaining this whole logistic to his parents over dinner because the topic came up and Fmil was shocked we don’t take our husband’s name… It was an experience. Thank God they are well traveled and have a very open mind so it was like huh… That’s different. But you should stick to whatever matters to you dear. Gotta love her

Post # 81
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Pinkmoon:  I am in this situation too! I’m kind of nervous, I don’t look like someone who should have that last name at all, but I am excited too 🙂

Post # 82
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 1969

This is an old thread, but relevant to my interests!  I’m surprised at the number of intercultural couples where the woman will be taking her FI’s last name.  I don’t really want to because I think my first name sounds really strange with his last name, but I know it would make him happy if I did.  I’m Indian and both my first and last name are very Indian-sounding, and he is white with what I affectionately like to describe as “the whitest name ever.”  His last name is easy to spell and pronounce, but I think my first name looks and sounds so weird with his last name…..it’s just mismatched.  

 

It’s reassuring that a lot of people are in the same boat.  It would be great if we could become so multicultural as a society that a “mismatched”-sounding name like my potential married name wouldn’t even raise an eyebrow!

Post # 83
Member
148 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

MrsBug:  I’m glad this thread popped back up! I’m in the same boat and none of my friends have had the issue. I’m caucasian with a very English last name, my Fiance is part Japanese with a very Japanese last name. I think I’ll be getting some side eye for the rest of my life! 

Post # 84
Member
1482 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Technically I guess Fiance and I are more international than intercultural, but I feel like this is very relevant to my situation.

I have a very unique Swedish last name. As a matter of fact, everyone with that last name is somehow related to me, and there are less than 50 of us. Fiance has a not so unique Irish last name. I was quite set on changing to his last name, because I want to be Mrs Fiance and I want to have the same name as our children (an I know I will never be able to convince him to change to mine or to not have the same name as our children). So I’ve been thinking that I was just going to add my maiden name as a middle name, which you are allowed to do for free.

However, the more I think about it, the more I’m starting to feel a bit reluctant to let my name go. I am the only person in the world with my combination first and last name, and though I will most probably still be the only one if I take on FI’s name, there are thousands of Mrs FI’s name and only dozens of Mrs Maiden name. 

Also, this is me. My names go really well together, they begin with the same letter and they have a certain flow to them. My first name is short and my surname is longer, but FI’s name is short. Also, FI’s name has an apostrophe which often is forgotten or not processed properly.

For a bit I’ve been thinking then about doing a double name thing, but without hyphenating (I’m not hyphenating with a name with an apostrophe in it :P). But then I might still encounter problems because I wouldn’t exactly have the same name as our kids, and I’m not sure that they go together?

So I’m turning this over and over in my head, not knowing what to do. This vent has been good, but I still don’t know what to do!

(PS. I have a very unique first name too, there are only a handful of us in Sweden)

Post # 85
Member
123 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

HonoraryNerd:  it really depends on who you are. i will not be taking my fh last name. we come from the same ethnic background but his last name is much longer than mine and i have a connected hsitory to my own last name. it was never even a consideration for me to give up my last name, none of my 3 married sisters did, we are *last name* and very proud of it. but, i know some women who are very excited to take their husbands last name. reflect on who you are and what would feel right. if you are truly unsure, have yours as a middle name and his as a last. good luck!

Post # 86
Member
26 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I’m Hmong and my husband is Chinese. At first, I was very adamant about keeping my last name as it was important to me. I really wanted others to know that I was Hmong upon meeting them as I was very proud to be Hmong and Hmong people are still small and few compared to other Asian ethnicities. But then silly me forgot that I had a very Hmong first name so although I would eventually have a Chinese last name, my first name would still connect me to my Hmong heritage and background. 

Post # 87
Member
39 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2015

Sporty-Bee:  my fi is puerto rican and i am italian my family and friends dont like that im not taking his last name but i personally am ok with that because i love my last name and i love that our kids will have both names my weddding is going to be in puerto rico and i always forget my fi has two last names any time we go somewhere i just say his first last name and they always have to tell me does he have two names or they say nope no one with that name but there is one that has another last name and when he first met me he thought my middle name was my first last name lol i was like no us italians only have the one name 

Post # 88
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2015 - Backyard

Fiance is Croatian/Serbian and I’m Irish/Spanish. Both of our last names are VERY traditional and I had a hard time deciding whether or not to take his name. I finally decided that I will but it was a very hard decision! It’s not like I’m swapping mine for an easy name either, both are 10 letters with native characters/letters in the names. The things we do for love!

Post # 89
Member
1787 posts
Buzzing bee

Once I tried checking into a hotel using his Asian last name (he made reservations) while he was behind me asking the hotel concierge a question, well the clerk was Asian and she snapped at me “NO, what is YOUR last name??” ……………I don’t know what her problem was but that hotel is lucky this happened before Yelp existed!!

I’ve had a couple other insulting&interrogating instances using his last name since, so I won’t be changing mine. Apparently I am too white and the world is too racist for it to work out.

Post # 90
Member
1988 posts
Buzzing bee

bechelli819:  hahahaha that’s funny. Same stories for Fiance and I. It is awkward to him. And when I am in Germany I write my two last names because I am used to and they get all confused!

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