Post # 1
Member
1732 posts
Bumble bee
An earlier post discussed how one should address an invitation to a guy with two girlfriends. It was unclear as to whether he was in a relationship with both women, or just dating non-exclusively. Most people seemed to agree that non-exclusive would get an “And Guest” and he could figure it out for himself.
But what would be the correct way to address an invitation to someone who was polyamorous and in a relationship with two partners? In situations with a primary and secondary partner, it might be somewhat easier to justify “and Guest” as opposed to “and Guests” — or it might not be, depending on your relationship with them, how well you know each partner, long-distance situations, etc.
But if you decided that you needed to invite all three, how would you address the envelope? (Bonus points for unmarried, married to one, and group marriage variants.)
Also, please, I don’t mean to be rude to anyone who is in a polyamorous relationship. We have several friends who have tried this in the past (with varying degrees of success), but none who were partnered that way at the time of our wedding. I’m just wondering if anyone has created rules for this situation!
Post # 3
Hostess
1425 posts
Bumble bee
Can you just send invites to each individual person?
Post # 4
Member
3666 posts
Sugar bee
@village_skeptic: We have three gay freinds who have been married and living in the same household for a decade.
Don’t you address the invitation to each of the three people if they are at the same address? If someone lives at another address, wouldn’t you send an invitation to that person at that address?
I don’t understand all of the angst about addressing things. It seems to me that you name who you are inviting and send that invitation to the place they receive mail.
Post # 5
Member
9948 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
Ok, I’ll bite…
Etiquette dictates that if one wishes to extend invites to individuals, then the invites correspond to the place of residence. So, if you are inviting numerous people from the same household, that you just list them individually on the inside envelope
Examples that are acceptable..
*Mr Bob Black & Ms Anne White (for living together couples, common-law, or women who have retained their own name after marriage)
*Mr & Mrs John Brown (most formal & traditional)
*John & Susan Brown
*John & Susan Brown, and Bob & Carolyn (last given names here representing children)
*John & Susan Brown and Family
*The John Brown Family
*The Brown Family
*Mr Bill Johnson, Mr Peter Smith, Mr Alex Doe
*Misses Jones (on the outer envelope)… and Diane Jones, Catherine Jones (on the inner envelopes for sisters)
ETC
When it comes to addressing… If as adults they reside seperately, at different addresses, then you send out seperate invites to each person. It HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THEIR RELATIONSHIP STATUS of what type of sexual relationship they have (that is NEVER your business)
Which brings me to this… I have to say that I find your remark
(Bonus points for unmarried, married to one, and group marriage variants.)
A tad offensive… one’s relationship status or sexual preferences are not a game.
Post # 6
Member
1732 posts
Bumble bee
@This Time Round: I’m sorry. No offense was intended. I meant “bonus points” in terms of “bonus etiquette points,” as in “I would be impressed by someone whose knowledge of etiquette extended to these uncommon but perfectly acceptable variations on living situation and type of attachment.” No judgment of polyamory or “bonus points” for being IN those relationships was implied.
Thank you for your information and clarification. For a group of three living together in a relationship, it seems that some variation on the unmarried couple address (Bob Black and Susan Brown) and the group of three unrelated people (Mr Bill Johnson, Mr Peter Smith, Mr Alex Doe) would be best. Perhaps “Bob Black, Susan Brown and Peter Smith” (could cover a group marriage in which everyone has retained their names or an unmarried but co-habitating group). If all have adopted the same last name, I imagine that some variation on The Last Name Family would work.
Post # 7
Member
9948 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
TO
village_skeptic: Addressing dilemma solved. Sounds like you now have a plan.
.
As for the rest of your post (and mine that prompted it)
No worries. Looks like we are now on the same page. And I am happy for that.
You seem to have taken my post as it was intended… just a thought provoking moment.
I am just a person who makes part of my life about making sure that others are not discriminated against in any way…
In my world… I believe we are ALL EQUAL when it comes to our rights to be respected regardless of Nationality, Ethnicity, Culture, Colour, Religion, Language, Gender, Sexual Orientation and our Physical and Mental Abilities / Disabilities.
I LIVE MY LIFE THIS WAY… and will forever be the girl who speaks up when I see something that looks out of sync (my belief being if you aren’t part of the solution… then you are part of the problem)
Lol… to be honest, you were very gracious in your post… and taking my comments as they were intended (my pointing out “the possbility” of a objectional word / tone etc… that might be seen as offensive to someone)
Not everyone is so kind as you … some folks can be down right rude when it comes to expressing their opinions about others who may not be “the same” as them even after they’ve been told that what they are saying “could possibly be inappropriate / offensive”
So again, I thank you for your common sense / humanity. You made my day !!
Post # 8
Member
833 posts
Busy bee
My dear friend was in a polyamorous relationship for years. Both women are considered equal partners, although I think they tend to fall into their “role” in the relationship. I would address the invite to all because they are all in the relationship.
Post # 9
Member
7899 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
If adults are not living together in a committed relationship (married, engaged, seriously dating, whatever), each adult gets his/her own invitation. So I’d send each member a separate invitation.
If they live together, you can send them on invitation and list the ladies first, each person on his/her own line. I’d alphabetize between the ladies to avoid favortism.