(Closed) Spinoff: Is a dry wedding rude?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Having a dry wedding is...

    Completely RUDE!!! WTH!!!

    Only rude if you don't have a good reason.

    Never rude. It's your wedding, your choice.

    other

  • Post # 62
    Member
    396 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    Why would people rather have a wedding be dry than have a cash bar?  I get that it isn’t the best way to do things, but seriously if you don’t want to buy a drink don’t.  You then find yourself in the same position as if the wedding were dry.  However, if you would prefer to just pay for a drink, you have the option.  I think as a guests more options > less options for the most part. 

    To answer the original question, no a dry wedding is not rude.  I do think it’s a little obnoxious if your only reason for holding a dry wedding is because you don’t drink and you don’t “need alcohol” to have fun, so why should your guests.  Obviously a large portion of the population disagrees with that sentiment.  However, even if that were the reason I don’t see why your guests would ever know it (nor would they know if you didn’t because someone was an alcholic, for medical reasons, etc.) so it really doesn’t make a difference what people’s motivations are.  

     

    Post # 63
    Member
    247 posts
    Helper bee

    I personally wouldn’t have a dry wedding; however, I do not see it as rude. We enjoy a nice glass of wine or a beer and so do our friends.  FI and I went to a wedding that was dry due to religious reasons and I still had a lovely time. We did leave earlier then normal but the lack of alcohol didn’t diminish the point of a wedding- they were happy and in love. I’ve also heard of weddings that were dry due to money (not wanting a cash bar so deciding on no alcohol instead), family members feelings, and one because the groom was a recovering alcoholic. 

    It is not my event and they have the right to choose the tone and atmosphere. 

     

    Post # 64
    Member
    9948 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    I VOTED – NEVER RUDE

    As I wrote in the other topic…

    From an Etiquette stand-point, there is NEVER anything wrong with hosting a dry  event…. be that a meal at home, or a Wedding.  The Host gets to set the tone  of an Event, including the Menu etc.  Just the way it is.

    That said, as I added in the other topic, when it comes to Weddings, having a Toast with something Bubbly (Champagne, Sparkling, Bubby Cider etc) is always nice / a classy touch.

    BUT again not a requirement.

    Hope this helps,

    PS… And agree with the other Bees, a Dry Wedding can be for a variety of reasons… Religious, Venue Rules, Family Issues, or even Budget.  It is not for the Guest “to judge”.

    If they truly are desperate for a drink… well they can always bid their goodbyes and head off.  (Sad statement in some ways)

    BUT it is a reality, Dry Wedding Receptions tend to be shorter…

    Lol, which is WHY less alcohol served can be a good choice for a couple for a tight budget (be that a Brunch Reception, or just Champagne & Cake) OR for a couple looking to make a quick getaway for their honeymoon

     

    Post # 65
    Member
    79 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    As long as people are told beforehand, then I don’t think it’s rude. But people usually assume there will be alcohol, so if they’re prepped for a night of partying and caught unawares….then yes…rude!

    Post # 66
    Member
    10450 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2014

    I would understand if there was a reason like religion, alcoholic family members, etc. But I see it often here on the bee suggesting that it’s better to do a dry wedding instead of a cash bar. I disagree completely with that – people should have the choice if the only thing stopping you is money. 

    Post # 67
    Member
    1769 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    Not rude, just more likely to be a bit boring.

    Post # 68
    Member
    2775 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    Never rude.  I enjoy a glass of wine (or three) with dinner, so I’d be a little bummed if a Saturday night wedding was dry, but I wouldn’t consider it rude.

    Personally, though, if I were hosting a dry wedding (for whatever reason) I would choose a Sunday brunch or afternoon tea reception where people would be less likely to miss the alcohol.

    Post # 69
    Member
    2597 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    @Woodstock:  No, of course its not rude and the people who voted that it is are very mistaken. 

    As long as you provide for your guests needs – food appropritae for the time of day and something to drink along with it, (punch, lemonade, juice, sodas, water, whatever), you are well within the bounds of being a polite host.  

    Post # 70
    Member
    8434 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    View original reply
    @Britt_RN:  +1

    Post # 71
    Member
    2107 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    View original reply
    @Sassy9226:  +1. I agree with all of this.

    It is NEVER rude for a host to want their event to be dry, no matter the reason.

    Post # 72
    Member
    1680 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    @Woodstock:  Definitely not rude. To me, it’s like going to a dinner party and complaining because the hostess made turkey instead of duck. 

    It doesn’t even matter the reason. You’re hosting a party for friends and family. You’re treating them to whatever you serve, they’ll get over it. It’s just alcohol.

    • Can’t afford it? Don’t have it!
    • Don’t want it? Don’t have it!
    • Alcoholic family members? Don’t have it!

    Post # 73
    Member
    2453 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2017

    Isn’t this what flasks were made for? 😉

    Just kidding, ha.

    I say the bride and groom should do what they want and can afford.  I haven’t been to a dry wedding, but I’ve been to weddings where I’ve been underage and had a great time.  (Or as great a time as a typical angsty 15-year-old can have, ha.)  But I don’t really need to drink to have fun.  Sure, it makes things easier sometimes, but I like trying to keep a level head and don’t tend to over-indulge anyways.

    So dry wedding =/= rude.

    Post # 74
    Member
    52 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    Honestly, the majority of the weddings to which I’ve been have been dry. The set-up was different, though, than what many of you describe; longer service, and then a briefer reception in the afternoon/early evening and not a short service with 8 hours of loud music and dancing until 2am. Yeah, personally, I’d have to be hammered out of my mind to enjoy that 😉 There were always activities – either outdoor games, or lots of toasts/roasts and table games to keep everyone entertained, and plenty of food, and they functioned also as a family reunion so there was a lot of talking. Never even missed the alcohol! The one wedding to which I’ve been that had alcohol….just got awkward. Seriously, no one was more ‘brilliant’ or ‘witty’ or ‘charming’ when sloppy drunk, even if they thought they were. Just more sexist, grabby, and crabby, which means I have to be drunk to enjoy their company. Had enough of that in college. If I can’t enjoy an event sober, I am not going to alter my consciousness to “enjoy” it drunk. All my personal experience, though, of course; personal rant 🙂 I’m having a dry wedding and, fortunately, nearly all of the people coming to it will expect it to be dry. If there were any guests that would consider it rude for me not to provide the means for their getting smashed, I would encourage them not to come because I want the event to be a wedding, not a frat party. Also, my reception is 2 hours at most; if someone can’t go without a drink for that long……

     

    So, to answer the question: definitely not rude to not provide alcohol at a wedding. May be expected in some places, but why should the post modern bride give a damn about societal expectations? There are religious, personal preference, economic, safety, and abuse reasons to not provide it. 

    Post # 75
    Member
    1081 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    I can’t comprehend why ANYONE could ever think of having a dry wedding as “rude” or breaking some rule of etiquette….

    Actually, I’m almost offended that there are people who think dry weddings are rude! :/

    I do drink, but not often. Alcoholism runs in my family, it took my mother from me, and I have two other very dear family members who are AA members and have quit drinking altogether.

    I also have several friends who do not drink at all due to whatever reason. One quit drinking because both her parents died of causes related to alcoholism. When she gets married, I am PRETTY certain it will be a dry wedding.

    Would she be considered rude to want a dry wedding because she would rather not have alcohol there since alcohol played a direct role in both her parents’ deaths? 

     

     

     

    People can have such self-entitlement issues… I can’t believe there are people who truly believe there is some unspoken rule of etiquette that there should be alcohol at a wedding. :/

     

    Post # 76
    Hostess
    11163 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper

    Is it rude, absolutely not. Is it typical, no.

    I don’t go to weddings to drink and if I do drink I might have one glass of wine. However, there are people that count on getting wasted at weddings and that is probably the only reason they attend. Other people need alcohol to get down, let loose and dance. So alcohol isn’t require nor is it rude to not have it at a wedding but without it the dynamic of the event may be different than what someone is typically used to.

    My friend had a dry wedding and it ended about 90 minutes earlier than anticipated. No one danced and it was more like a dinner party than a wedding but still very nice and we had a great time. Again, just changes the dynamic a bit.

    The topic ‘Spinoff: Is a dry wedding rude?’ is closed to new replies.

    Find Amazing Vendors