(Closed) Spinoff: Is it ever okay to ask for money as a wedding gift

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Is it ever okay to ask for money as a gift at your wedding?
    In your case it is okay. : (33 votes)
    30 %
    No, its never okay, its rude! : (77 votes)
    70 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2622 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    The general consensus seems to be word of mouth. Have mom/BMs and close family members spread the word to either give cash or send the gift directly to your house. 

    And if you do get gifts at the wedding (do people give boxes at a wedding????) then you could always return and rebuy it at home.  I know a few people who had to do this.

     

    Post # 4
    Member
    643 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2013

    I think the whole system is kind of whacked. In order to get what you want (money) and to get in the least amount of trouble with etiquette vigilantes, I would mention NOTHING on your invitations about gifts whatsoever, do not register anywhere and then have your parents and your FI’s parents tell people that you would just appreciate cheques when people call them for registry information (which they inevitably will).

    Post # 5
    Member
    11747 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    never okay in my opinion. I live 10 hours away from where we’re getting married and I’d never say that’s an excuse to ask for cash. We will be driving up at some point to get the gifts from my parents.

    Post # 6
    Member
    8471 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I didn’t even know people give actual gifts at weddings.  It’s usually money anyway. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    5660 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    @engagedandinlove:  it’s never ok to ask for ANY type of Gift. A registry is a way to give people ideas because people do want to buy someThing. If you don’t want items don’t register. People will ask where you are registered and then you can politely say you don’t have any need for things. But maybe you are Saving for x large purchase. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    7437 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2013

    Ugh, I wish it was okay to ask for money. Fiance and I are getting married on Feb 23 in California, and moving across country to North Carolina the day after the wedding. Everything we own is being shipped on Feb 20th and is meeting us at our new home. I’m not sure what we’ll do with physical gifts we receive at the wedding…

    Post # 10
    Member
    1992 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    I don’t really care what people ask for.  I know the popular opinion is that it is rude to ask for money, but if a couple I know did it, I wouldn’t think less of them.

    Post # 11
    Member
    4047 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    In the States I find it is rude to ask for money. It is much better to simply not register for any gifts and have it spread by word of mouth. I think the next best would be to state it on the wedding website if you have one, but of course some people would still frown on that.

    In Australia they may be more relaxed. I know in England it isn’t quite as big of a deal as it is in the US. Perhaps the same is true for Aus.

    Post # 12
    Member
    1966 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    Its always rude to request cash. But really I’ve never been to a wedding that has any boxed gifts. If you’re really concerned word of mouth is the best way to communicate this. I’d tell my parents to let people know we won’t be able to travel with gifts if anyone ask. And then let them come up with their own conclusion. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    9115 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    It is absolutely okay. My husband and I live in Oklahoma. Our formal wedding is back home in California. We already have everything we need.

    We’re making it clear that no one is expected to purchase us a gift but if someone wants to grace us with one, cash would be the better route. We cannot afford to take them via the plane, sending them via post office would be expensive.

    Cash is easy to store and quick to put away safely (My husband and I can just go drop it in the bank). We always have needs for cash — we won’t always need Aunt Salma’s fire red toaster.

    Post # 14
    Member
    4272 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    My friend was moving away to Hawaii, so she specifically asked for gift cards and cash. Not rude to me. Just don’t make a registry, people will ask and you can tell them then.

    Post # 15
    Member
    10603 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2011

    I voted no, based on how it is here, and because it would be on the invitation.  There is nothing wrong IMO of requesting money if asked.  It sounds like Australia may be more relaxed about it?

     

    Post # 16
    Member
    3625 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I don’t think it’s ever okay to indicate that you want money instead of a gift. In the cases of people who are moving/not set up in a home, I think there are ways to spread the message via word-of-mouth or even a little story, such as “Joe and Jan can’t wait to move to [other country] to set up their lives together.”

    I know of several people that we invited that are hard up on money. With this in mind, they felt they made a better, bigger impact by purchasing a boxed gift (preferably off our registry) that we would use, cherish and love than if they just threw a $50 in a card. We live in an area with a high cost of living, so $50 doesn’t really get you that far. My elderly ILs are on a very tight fixed income and they often get great deals on gifts when they go on clearance/sale (e.g. a set of pots/pans at Macy’s for 60% off). So for them, they feel like it’s a better showing to give a nice big box of “stuff” then a $50 in a card (for example).

    FWIW, we had two fairly full registries and we still had items left over the day of our wedding in all price points. We received about 1/2 of our gifts as boxed gifts and 1/2 in cash (which we were very surprised by). For anyone that asked, we did tell them gifts are unnecessary and I didn’t even have a shower. My point here is that we still received plenty of cash from people without dropping any hints.

     

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