(Closed) Spinoff: Is it ever okay to ask for money as a wedding gift

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Is it ever okay to ask for money as a gift at your wedding?

    In your case it is okay.

    No, its never okay, its rude!

  • Post # 17
    Member
    3120 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I would only even mention what I wanted if I was asked.  I personally was just raised to think that is rude.  I’m also a person who thinks it’s rude to put where you’re registered on anything related to the wedding (except the website).  The only people who can are hosts of a shower.  I know that isn’t everyone’s opinion…it’s just my own!

    Post # 18
    Member
    15 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    I don’t see it as a big deal. I have been to numerous weddings where cash was requested. It is your wedding so do as you please. Everyone tries so hard to follow certain etiquette rules and get so stressed doing so. I included a poem in my invitations that gave a suggestion of a cash gift. No one has expressed a problem with it and if they do, who cares. I don’t agree with the idea of following everything that etiquette says….who gave anyone authority to make the rules. Create your own and don’t think twice about it. You will be happier that way:-)

    Post # 19
    Member
    1381 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    As much as FH and I desire ONLY monetary gifts, I keep hearing it’s a big no-no to ask for it.  So to appease everyone, I set up a measley list of (pricey) items we could really use in our Bloomy’s registry.  The only other registry is our Honeyfund.  Surprisingly, some people are actually buying us the items from our forced Bloomy’s registry rather than gifting with money… sigh.

    Like PP stated, I think the best way is through word of mouth and to not mention anything about registries!

    Post # 20
    Member
    13892 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Personally, I think it’s never okay to ask for money. Have it spread through word of mouth, make it known you’re saving for something big, but it’s not okay to say flat-out that you want money.

    ETA: Perhaps you can include your address on your website so people can ship gifts directly to you?  My family lives 8 hours from me, and most shipped shower gifts directly to my house rather than making me try to transport them back and forth!

    Post # 21
    Member
    3625 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    View original reply
    @romantical:  I think it’s ingrained in some people that boxed gifts are the way to go. They liked the idea of seeing their gift around your house and imagining you using it. With that in mind, I don’t think that even telling these people you want cash would really change anything, besides come off as rude and dictatorial.

    Post # 22
    Member
    1381 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    View original reply
    @lilbluebird:  Agreed.  I think it’s one of those things you just have to suck it up.  Just like if you happen to have a guest who “forgets” to bring you a gift.

    Post # 23
    Member
    4951 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

    My friend’s mom put a cash or gift cards only message on the bridal shower invites. The couple was moving to Hawaii, so it was one of those situations where everyone understood the situation. They were also engaged for 5 days, so a registry didn’t exist.

    In general, it’s seen as rude.

    Post # 24
    Member
    594 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 1993

    NO. NEVER!

    Post # 25
    Member
    1692 posts
    Bumble bee

    @engagedandinlove:  Guests who understand the traditional proprieties would not give you cash. But neither would they consider carting an ostentatiously large box to a formal party any more than they would consider giving cash! Well-bred guests would know to have gifts shipped to your home.

    I am going to assume (because I prefer to keep my good opinions of other people) that having guests follow proper etiquette in this way would resolve all your concerns about getting physical gifts — physical gifts that include the gift of your guests’ time, their good taste, and their creative insight into your personalities; and that you are not simply grasping at an excuse for wanting cold hard cash regardless.

    In that case, I recommend that rather than asking for cash even by word of mouth — since asking for cash makes you seem impecunious and rather immature — use word of mouth to inform guests that you the potential cost of shipping presents from the wedding reception has you deeply worried, and that therefore you would prefer not to receive gifts. You can leave it up to your guests to figure out what additional gift options  they have. Since they are your friends and family, we can presume they are not stupid and do love you, and chances are good they will figure out some alternative that works for both of you.

    Post # 26
    Member
    433 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    I think it’s completely ok, but that’s probably just my culture as I see the poll says the opposite.

    People I know actually put “monetary gifts preferred” and it’s not considered rude at all. I never see anyone bringing box gifts to weddings.

    Post # 27
    Member
    2935 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    I voted NO because I didn’t want to steer you wrong and offend your guests. However, I wish this rule would just go away or at least soften to go with the times. If I were invited to your wedding and saw something like what you suggested on the invitation or as an alternative to the registry card, I’d consider myself finished with “shopping” for your wedding.

    Post # 28
    Member
    15 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    View original reply
    @bossypants:  I’m with you! I have never seen this as a big deal. My fiancé and I did this and we have no reservations about it. Rules, rules, rules….why must we always follow someone else’s etiquette rules? That is just my little opinion. If you are loosing sleep over it, go with your gut. Otherwise, do what makes you happy. 

    Post # 30
    Member
    159 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    View original reply
    @engagedandinlove:  Yes, it’s fine. You are right, it is completely different in Australia. It just comes down to cultural differences. I do not think it is considered rude here at all (even to put it on the invite) and I currently have two wedding invites that say somehting like “we’ve already set up our home together, so if you would like to give something, we would appreciate some money in our wishing well”. No one I know finds that rude. It actually happens quite a lot here, and my 85 year old grandparents who have been to more weddings than I can count do not find asking for money rude.

    I panicked when I read on these boards that it was *incredibly* rude to invite more people to the engagement party than to the wedding. I’m having a large engagement party and a very small wedding with family only. I asked around and no one thought it was weird or rude here. Just a cultural difference.

    I should probably say that I still think there are impolite ways of stating it, eg. “give us money, no gifts”. I think you can say it nicer:

    If you were thinking of giving a gift
    to help us on our way,
    a gift of cash towards our house,
    would really make our day.
    However, if you prefer to purchase a gift,
    feel free to surprise us in your own way.

    And in your case, say physical gifts should be sent to your home address.

    The topic ‘Spinoff: Is it ever okay to ask for money as a wedding gift’ is closed to new replies.

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