Post # 1
This is a spin off of my post from yesterday hungry guests = unhappy guests.
Fiance and I went to a wedding this weekend where very little food was served (it was a sit down meal) and the food that was served was shellfish which I am allergic to. Fortunately the staff was able to make me a plate without the shrimp in it.
Fiance got a text from the bride somewhat apologizing but she also stated that I should have told her ahead of time of my allergy.
So I’m curious, is it my responsibility? Since we had no idea that they were serving a shrimp dish (they only had one dish) how would I know to let her know?
Or is it the couple’s responsibility to put on the invitations wording that says to let them know of any food restrictions/allergies.
I haven’t been to that many weddings and the ones I’ve been too all did not serve shellfish so it’s never been a problem for me.
Post # 3
@ButterflyButterfly: I think it’d be nice if the couple mentions it somehow, but ultimately I think it is the guest’s responsibility. Better safe than sorry (glad the staff was able to accomodate you!)
Post # 4
@ButterflyButterfly: I think its the couples responsibility to have enough sense between the 2 of them to solicit people’s allergies. They clearly didn’t care about their guests and only about their personal tastes, I for one.. LOVE shellfish, but would never take the risk of serving only that for a large group of people. Allergies aside, there’s a ton of people who won’t even touch fish, let alone shellfish.
Post # 5
I don’t think that information should have made its way back to the bride. I don’t think you should have said anything ahead of time since it’s pretty normal to expect a shellfish-free option, but since you were able to get fed without it on the plate I also don’t think anyone should have said anything to the bride/groom.
Post # 6
I think that either way the guest should let the bride/groom know, regardless of whether or not it’s printed on the invitation.The fact that it’s printed on the invtation as a reminder does not shift the responsibility from the guest to the bride/groom – it’s still up to the guest to let them know.
I want my guests to let me know if their allergy could limit what they could eat at our wedding, but I didn’t put it on our RSVP. I’ll definitely feel bad if someone can’t eat at our wedding because we didn’t know about an allergy, but I also can’t go around reminding everyone or calling them to find out about allergies.. it’s up to them to be in charge of their health.
ETA: I would never serve only one kind of food, like shellfish, just in case people don’t like it or are allergic. I think that you can handle potential guest allergies much more easily if you just have a variety of food.
Post # 7
I think that if the couple is only offering one dish it is up to them to put what it is on the RSVP and contact them if you have an allergy.
If they have a choice of say chicken, fish, steak etc and you choose chicken but know the sauce has X in it and you are allergic then it’s your job to contact them to get it without the sauce or whatever the allergy is.
Post # 8
I have a dietary restrictions/allergies line on the RSVP card. Otherwise, how the heck would I know? Even if I didn’t put anything on there specifically asking I would expect an email, phone call, or written in message about it, though.
Post # 9
I wouldn’t ever pick a menu that included two courses with shellfish in them precisely because so many people are intolerant to it.
But then as a guest I don’t think I ought to be second-guessing what the food might be or pestering the bride and groom in case they served something I couldn’t eat. Which is why I would always include on an invitation the words “please let us know if you have any particular dietary requirements”. That way everyone is happy. The host doesn’t provide food that their guests can’t eat and the guest isn’t made to feel like a hungry nuisance.
So in summary, I think this is down to the host, not the guest.
ETA: I am not suggesting, however, that “dietary requirements” should unleash a flood of fussy requests of the “I don’t like chicken” variety, however or that the invitation should be treated like an invitation to help yourself to an a la carte menu. But it is only reasonable to cater for vegetarians, people who can’t eat shellfish or anyone on a gluten-free diet, for example.
Post # 10
You never know what the caterer might put in the sauce, and these days with the high proliferation of a billion types of allergies, I just think it’s always safe to let the couple know in advance and ask if there are alternatives. I think the couple probably just forgot to ask for the detail but I’m sure they didn’t mean it out of spite.
Post # 11
Our venue had a worksheet to complete and one of the questions was whether anyone had allergies or needed food to accomodate dietary restrictions. A few family members are Gluten Free so we had an option for that but I certainly didn’t ask every guest to let me know about allergies. That being said, I would never have chosen two seafood courses for guests.
I do think that at some point it becomes impossible for the bride/groom to accomodate everyone. My aunt and uncle are extremely strict vegans and I think it would be really hard to provide food for them. It’s also hard to accomodate picky eaters. There was a four weddings where one bride would only eat like chicken fingers and fries, so she hated most of the food at the other weddings.
Post # 12
You have the ultimate responsibility for making sure you’re safe and healthy. With an allergy to a common ingredient like shrimp, I’d hope you’re mentioning it every time you dine out anywhere that has shrimp on the menu, even if you’re not ordering a shrimp dish. You never know when shrimp shells may have been used to make cooking stock. Anyway the hosts can’t read your mind. You have to tell them.
Post # 13
@ButterflyButterfly: it’s your responsibility. The couple cannot possibly cater to every single person’s dietary restrictions with their menu, and many couples don’t include their menu in the invitations to avoid fussy eaters making up ‘allergies’ so they can eat something different. If you have a serious allergy it is up to you to inform the couple.
As I said on your thread, I’m pescatarian, and, as most couple provide a vegetarian option rather than a pescatarian one, I would likely be selecting the vegetarian option. I am seriously allergic to Quorn which is sometimes used in vegetarian dishes, so, unless it was obvious that the dish didn’t contain it, I would let the couple know. Similarly, we have a vegetarian guest who is extremely allergic to peppers; as vegetarian options Sometimes include peppers, they let us know just in case.
Post # 14
If the couple isn’t offering a variety of options, it falls on them to make sure that what they offer won’t conflict with any guest allergies. However, ultimately, it’s up to you to make sure that the couple knows that you have an allergy that needs to be accomodated. In your case, OP, I think the bride and groom were totally stupid in their choice of food. Three courses, no options, and two of them are shellfish? Dumb.
Post # 15
It’s a little bit of both. The bride and groom should have something on their website or RSVP cards about the meal. It could either mention the entrees/menu being served or could be some blurb about how guests should let them know if they have allergies or dietary restrictions. I have a pretty good idea of who will need special attention already, but I’m sure that I will receive some requests from unexpected guests too and I’m ready for that. At the same time, if a guest doesn’t receive any information about the meal, they should be proactive about telling the hosts about any possible issues. The only way a guest can guarantee they can’t eat anything at the meal is if they don’t tell the host about any dietary issues up front.
Post # 16
@ButterflyButterfly: From my experience, at a plated dinner TYPICALLY the RSVP card has an option for you to select your entree, with space at the bottom to indicate if you have any allergies or dietary restrictions. I’ve never been to a wedding with only one option, just you described, so I’m really lost there.
With a buffet type dinner (again TYPICALLY) I’ve seen that it’s normal to put a small blurb somewhere in the invite to let the bride and groom know of any allergies or dietary restrictions, but it’s usually not so much of an issue with a buffet.