(Closed) Spinoff – is it my responsibility to tell the bride/groom of food allergies?

posted 8 years ago in Food
  • poll: How do you let the couple know of dietary restrictions?

    The couple should put something on their invitations to let them know of restrictions

    It is up to the guest to let the couple know

  • Post # 17
    6835 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

    @ButterflyButterfly:  I think the couple should definitely say on their website or somewhere, “Please let us know if you have any dietary restrictions we’re not aware of”… (that’s what we did)…  but if they don’t, ultimately it’s your responsibility to make them aware.  The couple has 30834736744 things to worry about, whereas you’re probably used to planning around your allergy. 

    Post # 18
    975 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    We had a slight problem with this after we’d finalized our menu selections where we discovered purely on accident that the best man’s girlfriend is a vegetarian that borders on veganism (she’ll eat cheese, but nothing with gelatin and no eggs). No one else coming to the wedding is a vegetarian so we hadn’t thought about it until my fiance remembered that the last time he had visited (they’re out of the country) his best man had made an entire seperate pasta sauce that was vegetarian. We ended up having to order a (read: feeds 12 because that’s the smallest they offered) portion of a vegetarian dish just so she could have something to eat that wasn’t in the passed hour d’ oeuveres. We had accounted for shellfish allergies by having food that didn’t have shellfish, though, because we knew in advance of my sister’s allergy.

    As a person with food allergies, I always ask in advance of attendance whether there will be an issue with with the food, and offer to bring my own snacks if necessary. This way the bride and groom don’t feel obligated to change an entire menu to accomodate only me and my needs.

    Post # 19
    672 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    @ButterflyButterfly:  I plan on including a line on the RSVP that will let my guests tell me their allergies. I think it puts the guest in an awkward position if you don’t ask, because they might feel like they’re being demanding by writing it on the card or calling the bride. I don’t think it was very cool of the bride and groom to serve shellfish to an entire crowd, since I can almost guarantee you weren’t the only one who was allergic.

    Post # 20
    527 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    Having a food “allergies” myself (no gluten or caramel coloring), I made sure I had a food allergy/restristions line on my RSVP card.  Half the people that I knew that had seriously food allergies DIDN’T USE IT.  Luckily I knew and added it to the list.  I honestly believe it’s my responsiblity to inform about my food restrictions. Hopefully they are able to work something out for me, but I also always come prepared with something to eat (like a lara bar) just in case.  If you don’t tell someone, how will they know??


    Post # 21
    1135 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2014

    This is kind of a general question to a specific scenario. I mean, they served only two dishes and put shellfish in both of them. It’s one thing to serve a salad and then serve a choice of beef/chicken…and you assume that most people would find something they’re not allergic to. But shellfish allergies are fairly common, and they put shellfish in the only two dishes they served! This seems pretty short-sighted on their part.

    So on the one hand, I do think it’s the guest’s responsibility to let the hosts know of food allergies. But I also think it’s the host’s responsibility to create a menu that has at least a little variation.

    And I’m wondering about guests that don’t eat meat at all…they must have been SOL!

    Post # 22
    1044 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    We’re planning a versatile meal (taco bars have options for anyone!) but as a guest, I always make sure to let the host know of my allergies. 

    A wedding is a lot of people to cater to. Making sure you inform them of any allergies is super helpful. If they slipped and missed the line, just write in a little note Under your name or somethig. A *seafood allergy* note would have allerted them as soon as they opened your RSVP and they would have gone “duh” and probably made sure you had an option.

    Is it polite to ask about allergies? For sure. But we all know brides and grooms have oversights!

    Post # 23
    1426 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @ButterflyButterfly:  Damn right it is your responsibility. The reason is that you are the one who will become sick if you don’t… Your health is up to you. 

    I’my lactose intolerant. If I put something in my mouth that is going to cause a reaction, it’s my own fault. I can’t assume anyone but my husband will remember that. Heck, even my own mother forgets on occasion.

    That said, any decent kitchen will be able to scramble and find something for you. You should never have to go hungry just because you forgot or didn’t think to tell them. But the meal will be better if they know ahead of time.


    Post # 24
    434 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I have dietary restrictions and I feel that if a guest has an allergy, it is entirely the guest’s responsibility and common courtesy to let the hosts know ahead of time so appropriate planning can be done. If you’ve told them, and they don’t provide a meal you can eat, only then have you any right to be miffed at all.

    In any case, if you are not particularly close to the bride and groom, how on earth are they supposed to know about your diet? Telepathy? You’ll pardon me for saying it, but I think that showing up without letting the hosts know about dietary restrictions and expecting to be accomodated is actually rather rude. You’ve not only made your hosts feel badly on their wedding day when they had no way of knowing, and if the staff couldn’t accomodate you on the spot, it would have been a waste of a meal.


    Post # 25
    5980 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @Horseradish:  +1

    I think you should write it on your RSVP. Before this thread I had no idea that  shellfish was a common allergy so I probably wouldn’t have even thought about it as the bride.

    Why did it even get back to the bride though? 

    Post # 26
    2973 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @ButterflyButterfly:  most people wouldn’t serve one dish – especially one where there is a high chance that someone may not like it or may be allergic. that was kind of silly on their part.

    but yes it is the guest’s responsibility to notify the couple if the guest has a food allergy. thankfully your food allergy is one that i’m sure is only active if the food is ingested but there are other people who can’t be in the same room with anything that has peanuts in it. so if the couple planned to serve a chicken dish with a peanut sauce, that’s something that i’d think they should know way beforehand.

    Post # 27
    130 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    I’m making sure I put a line about it on my RSVP because I know what a pain in the ass it is to be starving at a wedding (I’m gluten free). I always make sure I bring myself a snack when I go somewhere. People forget about us dietary restriction folks. I went to a babyshower last month where I literally couldn’t eat anything. It was all sandwiches and pastries.

    If I’m not asked in the invite and I’m close to the couple I’ll ask what they’re serving to try to figure out if I acn eat anything (it’ll usually jog their memory), but if not I’ll just hope for the best (I can usually at least eat the salad) and flag down a member of the catering staff to discuss my options. Worst come to worst I’ll dig into my bag of snacks.

    Post # 28
    1172 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @ButterflyButterfly:  I do think that it is the guest’s responsibility to let the bride and groom know of any serious allergies (shellfish, nuts, celiac), so that they can make a small accommodation, or let the kitchen know ahead of time to have one or two meals made up that can accommodate a restrictive diet. 

    While it’s impossible to cater to every restrictive diet, I know ahead of time that my fiance is allergic to shellfish & his brother is severely allergic to nuts, so I’ve made those accommodations in the food that will be served. To be on the safe side, I’ve indicated that ABSOLUTELY NO NUTS should be in or on anything at the wedding. We might be able to accommodate gluten free diets with the dishes that we’re serving, but may have to tell people with very restrictive diets that they may need to make sure they have eaten before getting to the reception since we can’t accommodate every detail without notice far in advance.

    Post # 29
    1908 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2014 - Madison, WI

    I put a line on our RSVP cards for dietary restrictions. If a guest doesn’t fill that out then I have no way of knowing what their allergies etc might be..I would never think to call every guest and ask them. My venue said it’s very common for them to get calls ahead of time from guests with allergies. For example they told me if there’s a gluten free guest they almost always get a phone call ahead of time from the guest.

    I know we have at least one gluten free guest, one allergic to strawberries, and a few vegetarians who I don’t know if they’re vegan or not…so they really need to tell me! I am trying my best to accommodate everyone. FI’s Dad’s wife is gluten free and in addition to her meal being Girlfriend I plan on getting her a gluten free cupcake or something for dessert since she won’t be able to have wedding cake.

    Post # 30
    653 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I had a buffet style with a chicken, beef and pasta options and I thought I covered everything. The groom was also allergic to dairy so there was very very little dairy on the menu. And guess what? I still had people who said they ate very little due to allergies that they never told me about.

    As a couple planning a wedding, particularly depending on the size, you can’t always plan for everyone. Even with as many options as I thought I had had for guests. Ultimately, it is up to guests to let the couple know, but its two-fold: the couple should have either had a line on the RSVP for you to write that info or had an alternate on hand. But as a guest, I think its completely within your boundaries to write on the RSVP, whether there is a line or not any allergies, ESPECIALLY if you don’t know what the entree is.

    Post # 31
    464 posts
    Helper bee

    @ButterflyButterfly:  I actually just asked my dad about this he also has a shellfish allergy. He said his wife and him were invited to a wedding a while back and the invite simply said surf and turf meal to be served. He can’t have the shellfish and his wife is vegetarian. so he said he just wrote on the bottom of the response card 1 allergy 1 veg (there was no line for this). Before he put it in the mail he gave the couple a call turns out they were the only vegetation and allergy so the appreciated the reminder note. 


    I think if I got a responce card like this I would apriciate it! But because food allergeys run rampid in my family I will be trying to get a line on the card and I may make a sign for the day of with our menu and note to please let someone know if there was an allergey. But we are preplanning our menu around the most common allergys in the family. no shellfish no nuts

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